By Dan Steinberg
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, July 12, 2004; Page D2
Can't tell the difference between Fisher Cats, Rock Cats and Dr. Katz? This week won't help, as all manner of strange creatures head to Bowie for the Class AA Eastern League All-Star Game. In fact, our fair metro area hasn't welcomed so many indeterminate furry guests since the last IMF protest. While you decide which brand of feline to support, these less fickle folks already have declared their minor league allegiances.
(Lowell) Spinners, Jerry Buss: Los Angeles owner gushes over Rudy after being rebuffed by Krzyzewski. In any case, we finally have a Lakers story featuring an FCC-approved four-letter word.
(Fort Myers) Miracle, Carlos Boozer: Free agent signs $68 million contract with Utah Jazz, immediately doubling the state's number of boozers.
(Birmingham) Barons, Yoshiaki Tsutsumi: Seibu Lions owner pursues merger with another Japanese franchise. But a possible snag emerged when the Orioles pointed out that Seibu Dome is only 7,800 miles from Camden Yards.
(Hudson Valley) Renegades, Pedro Alfonso: Washington businessman mounts controversial effort to bring "lottery terminals" to D.C. Of course, Abe Pollin already has found a way to remain perpetually in the lottery.
(Kannapolis) Intimidators, Adam Nelson and Reese Hoffa: Shot putters thrill thousands by cavorting with metal balls at Olympic trials. In a related story, Cameron Diaz thrills thousands by cavorting with metal chains.
(Wichita) Wranglers, LaVar Arrington: Contract dispute headed for arbitration. An irritated Arrington pledged to have all future contracts proofread by his friends at the New York Post.
(Lexington) Legends, John McEnroe and Alf: Two classics debut as talk show hosts. One's a fuzzy, strange-looking '80s cult figure with an inexplicably enduring popularity, and the other is . . . wait, which is the other one?
(Altoona) Curve, Rafael Palmeiro: Slugger is seriously struggling against left-handers. Meanwhile, Sidney Ponson continues to labor against leftovers.
(Charlotte) Knights, "King Arthur": Monarch receives star-studded Jerry Bruckheimer treatment. Apparently, Sir Sidney makes a cameo appearance at the Extra Round Table.
(Montgomery) Biscuits, Jack Germond: Journalist hawks new book, "Fat Man Fed Up." And here's an idea for the Orioles: Fat Man Sent Down.
[Ed. Note: Never let it be said that The Starting Lineup ignores today's weightiest issues.]
Benched: Fat jokes, Kerry-Gephardt, The Best Outfield in All-Star Game History, Marion Jones, Kenny Boy, "Bachelor" Bob.
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