The lives of American families increasingly are revolving around the
computer. What are the pros and cons? Is surfing the Internet a shared
family activity that strengthens bonds between parents and children or is
it an isolating task?
Post staff writer Ariana Cha, whose article "Caught in the Web" appeared in yesterday's
Washington Post Magazine, was online Monday, July 14 at 1 p.m. ET to field questions and
comments about the article.
Cha is a reporter for The Post's Business section.
The transcript follows.
Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.
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Ariana Cha: Good afternoon and welcome! We have tons of questions so let?s get started?
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Medford, Mass.:
Very interesting article. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
How did you find out about this family? Did the idea for an article about computer-centered family come first, and you went searching for an example? Did you, or an editor, hear about the family and thought it would make for a fascinating article?
Just interested in how the process works
Ariana Cha: Thank you very much.
We originally had a very fuzzy concept about the type of story we wanted to do. We knew we wanted to write a fun piece about families and how they use various technological gadgets but we weren?t sure exactly what it would say.
I began by interviewing dozens of random families in the D.C. area?regular sources, associates of sources, associates of associates of sources, people who posted on Internet bulletin boards, members of various community groups including PTAs, and even random people in the mall and on the street.
I wanted to find a family with several kids, preferably with at least one teen who could speak articulately about the subject. After a few weeks, I stumbled upon Fred and Tiffany?s family (their son Chris was a friend of the son of the father of an associate of a coworker of a source of a newsroom colleague.)
It was soon obvious that it was the computer more than any other technological innovation that was transforming their lives. It also became clear as I continued to spend time with them that the technology had a mixed affect on their family relationships. So that?s how the story progressed.
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Lyme, Conn.:
My family is yelling something about the house being on fire, or some jibberish like that, yet I am too busy writing this question on the Internet to pay attention.
Haven't families always been distracted by something? It used to be television was breaking up families. Now it is computers. Perhaps television was at least something a family could watch together. Are families separated longer periods through computer use than they use to spend watching television, in the pre-personal computer days? If there is a significant difference, is this causing problems?
Ariana Cha:
A great question but I?m afraid I don?t have a great answer. There?s considerable debate about this.
On the one hand the Internet is much more interactive than television ever was; many families, including the one featured in the story, use it to keep in touch and coordinate schedules. Some studies have found that a lot of parents spend time in front of a computer with their children. On the other hand, it is sometimes a are solitary activity because, obviously, only one person can type at the keyboard at one time.
The Pew Internet & American Life Project http://www.pewinternet.org/ has done some research on this. As have Grunwald Associates www.grunwald.com and UCLA http://ccp.ucla.edu/pages/InternetStudy.asp. Also look for studies by Stanford University and Carnegie-Mellon University.
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Harrisburg, Pa.:
I appreciate where you explain some of the language short-cuts, such as ROTFL. I never would have guessed that one. I am very bad at figuring those things out. For the longest time, I thought LOL meant "lots of love". I then realized the woman who I thought loved me was laughing at me the whole time. Are there any more standard initials I should know before I make more of a fool of myself?
Ariana Cha: I think most of us over the age of 15 have trouble keeping up with the ever-changing shorthand of the Internet. You might find it fun to go on to Google and type in ?internet? and ?abbreviation?/?symbols? to get a list of some charts. Here?s one I found a few seconds ago:
http://www.computeruser.com/resources/dictionary/chat.html
I like: S, ?Smile,? L8R, ?Later? and KISS, ?Keep it Simple, Stupid?
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Moscow, Russia:
Dear Ms Cha,
As an American expatriate living in Russia, I was fascinated with your article on the impact of technology and the internet on family life.
Obviously, this family is a little on the extreme side, but how prevalent do you think this sort of behavior pattern is?
Ariana Cha:
This may surprise you but I?m not sure this family is really on the ?extreme side? at all. Studies show that it?s more uncommon than common for parents to restrict their children?s Internet use. In fact, one survey shows that, on average, children ages 13-17 spend 3.1 hours a day watching TV, 3.5 hours on video games, and non-Internet computer use plus another 1.2 on the Internet for a whopping 7.8 hours of ?screen time? EACH DAY.
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Gaithersburg, Md.:
I found Sunday's article to be interesting, yet very disturbing. We continue to wonder, as a society, how things like Columbine can happen and I think the article provides part of the answer. Parents are not involved with their children. They sit them in front of TVs, video games, and computers all day with no interaction. The fact that this family only spends an hour together at dinnertime is very sad. The parents aren't even monitoring the sites their children are accessing. For all they know, their kids could be going to sites to learn how to make bombs. That's how Columbine happens--particularly with kids like the oldest son, who feel a bit on the outside anyway! I hope that after the family sees themselves in the article that they can learn to limit their time locked in their rooms and start to come together as a family before those kids get into trouble.
Also, it seems like the parents didn't take enough time to find other solutions to having one computer in the house. Working together as a family to create a schedule might have taught the children to work together, get to know each other, and to share and compromise with one another. The parents just took the easy (and expensive!) way out.
Ariana Cha:
Well... I?ve received several questions like this one and I wanted to reiterate that the parents considered the implications when they made their decision about the computers.
Fred and Tiffany are very involved parents. They talk to their own children constantly and in fact some of their children?s friends described them as the ?cool parents? that everyone else wants to have because they are so open and honest about everything. Their children are intelligent, energetic and interesting people and the fact that the step siblings may not speak very much to eachother should not minimize this fact.
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Fairfax, Va.:
There are many things in this world that can lead to abuse. Drugs, alcohol are just the most popular among the additions available to people. Most of these objects of abuse are not directly the cause of abuse or the problems that extend from such abuse. Your article highlights only on the gaming aspect of this individual and does not seek to determine if there are any other underlying causes to this student?s condition. A majority of abuse related activates are always traced back to problems that existed long before the abuse even started. So my questions are, did this student have isolation problems before taking up Dark Age of Camelot? Did this student have other reasons for not answering his family through IM?s? Did your research turn up the fact that most online games suppress IM?s while they are in game?
Thank you,
-Game Developer
Ariana Cha:
Thanks for raising this issue! I?ve received a few questions about this. I never meant to paint with a broad brush that game playing itself is bad and leads to negative consequences. The story notes that Dave does consider himself a bit socially awkward and that that may have led him to have the problems he did when he went online. He became obsessed with it. But he also had many positive experiences online?he?s made a lot of new friends and they have helped give him the confidence to do as well as he?s doing in college nowadays.
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New York, NY:
Thanks for an interesting article.
It scared me a bit how each child was in their own little bubble.
I was part of a blended family myself, but one where I was "forced" to deal with my stepfather and stepsister (neither of whom I liked at the time). Looking back 20 years later, I am glad that I was--I learned how to be civil even when I didn't feel like being nice and how to live with people very different from myself. It was excellent preparation for college dorm living, dealing with frustrating co-workers, and communicating with my in-laws. Is it just taken for granted that these kids will always have technology to lean on instead of their own social skills?
Ariana Cha: An excellent argument. This is something Fred and Tiffany did consider and it isn?t like they didn?t try to encourage their children to get along. Even before they were married the had joint barbeques and other get togethers but the result wasn?t pretty. I?m not sure there?s a right or wrong here. Perhaps it depends on the family personalities.
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Somewhere, USA:
I come from a family of five and there was one television and one computer that we all shared. We spent more time interacting with one another, discussing our days and lives and becoming closer by actually interacting with one another one on one. Is it really worth it to this family to simply buy their way out of conflict opposed to sitting down their children and really talking things out? Are they not concerned that their children don't have the necessary social skills for interacting with others without the use of a computer?
Ariana Cha:
I?m not sure that?s fair. By all accounts Kate, Lisa and Chris are fun, well-adjusted children who have a very active social life outside of the computer. Kate?s in a jazz vocals group and is going to writing camp this summer. Lisa is in the band and she has a small but close group of friends. Chris is extremely popular and plays several sports and is trying out for movie roles.
I tried to make it clear in the story that they may spend a lot of time online but that this is quite normal.
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Somewhere, USA:
All due respect here - you're a great writer, and I thoroughly enjoyed the article, but I think you're grossly underestimating the problems evident in this family.
It would be interesting to get a psychologist's take on this.
'in fact some of their children?s friends described them as the ?cool parents? '
You know, sometimes this is not the greatest endorsement. Some of the "cool parents" in my kids' social circle are the most permissive
Ariana Cha:
Absolutely but I think that any family that is dissected in a story as lengthy as this one would be revealed to have some issues.
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The Valley, Anguilla:
Thank you, Ms. Cha, for your interesting article in this week's magazine. As a 27 year old with no kids, it's hard for me to imagine a household where there are so many electronic distractions per person. I'm wondering if children whose households have fewer computers and TVs than people reported social difficulties as a result of being cut off from their friends' IMs and emails? Have we gotten to the point where it would make social life hard for our kids if we take them away from their computers (and thus their friends) to bring them to museums and community events?
Ariana Cha:
The Valley, Anguilla: Thank you, Ms. Cha, for your interesting article in this week's magazine. As a 27 year old with no kids, it's hard for me to imagine a household where there are so many electronic distractions per person. I'm wondering if children whose households have fewer computers and TVs than people reported social difficulties as a result of being cut off from their friends' IMs and emails? Have we gotten to the point where it would make social life hard for our kids if we take them away from their computers (and thus their friends) to bring them to museums and community events?
I haven?t run across research in that area but I based on anecdotes I?d say the answer is yes. Teens now depend on cell phones and instant messages to communicate with eachother and I can imagine how difficult it would be to get an invitation to a party that was emailed if you don?t have access to a computer. That said, Kate has a close friend who is rarely on email and doesn?t like the computer much?except to burn CDs. Yet he?s fabulously popular and does seem to make a showing at all the right events.
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Washington, D.C.: I am amazed at how internet use has replaced so many social lives of young adults my age (19), and it really sadens me to know people like Dave from the article. I myself became introverted at college and started playing online games at one point, but I say myself falling into a trap and drew the line before it was too late. I reliazed that I valued personal upfront interaction so much more than impersonal on-line "fantasies" created by games and chats with people claiming to have a different identity than what is true.
Now I have a concern for the future over how far the internet will take people away from the "real world" and change the values (mainly family/social) of society as a whole. Do you think that the internet has gone too far in this matter or that it will in the future? What impacts do you think this will have on society for future generations?
Ariana Cha:
I don?t have a crystal ball but I would venture to guess that there will be positive as well as negative consequences of having an online society. On the one hand it allows people to meet people from far away with similar interests. For example, there are a great many support groups for people with breast cancer or lyme disease where people who might otherwise not have anyone can chat freely about their triumphs, setbacks, hopes and fears. The Internet has also transformed matchmaking. Some feel that it has increased the odds that you?ll meet The One. There is ofcourse the worry that relationships will be more superficial.
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Southfield, Mich.:
Reading his article, you make Dave's situation out to be self-destructive, how he stayed on his computer all the time and didn't care about anything but his gaming life.
How is this different from what seemed to be the 'new life' of going out, partying and drinking? Is waking up late to class with a hangover because you were out partying too much the night before any better or worse than what he did? Or does it just seem better because it's more socially accepted?
Ariana Cha: Dave?s life now is much more balanced. He still does play some games online but he also goes out and parties and he also studies. It?s definitely more socially accepted to go out and party all the time than it is to spend all your time online. But should it be? Probably not. Both scenarios can lead to equally troubling consequences. Dave had problems not because he was online but because he was online too much.
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Washington, D.C.:
Ariana, your story about Fred & Tiffany and family could be duplicated in a multitude of homes. But if the parents give each child a singular computer (I should've been so lucky) of their own, then what did they think was going to happen. Isolation for starts. Why of course. As one who has stayed at a computer terminal for 8 hrs straight at times I can attest that your eyes start to hurt after about 3hrs. But for your story's ending it was good to see son Dave recover on his own and stop being a slave to his computer. Well done Ariana!
washingtonpost.com: Home Alone (Post, July 13)
Ariana Cha: I totally agree that Dave's victorious story was inspiring.
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Fairfax, Va.:
This was a very telling article about the lack of interpersonal involvement that those parents exhibited towards their own children and the seemingly total lack of interpersonal skills on the part of the kids. It made me feel very sad and angry at the same time. Did you intend for those emotions to be there - is this how YOU feel after having shared this family's life? If this is what is happening to the younger generations, we are all in trouble - what a disconnected, self centered bunch of people - all of them, including the "just don't get it" parents, if you can call them that.
Ariana Cha: Quite frankly, I think Fred and Tiffany are very good parents and that they had a person argument for doing what they did?more than a few psychologists in fact agree with them about giving teens a good degree of freedom.
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Arlington, VA:
I didn't grow up with a computer in the house. I did have my own phone in my room, but no TV. Nevertheless, I don't think the teenagers described in the article are leading such socially isolated lives, free of parental supervision, as some of the other posters seem to think. If you read the article, you could see that these were successful, smart, responsible kids. There was no indication of drug use, disrespect for parents, lack of success or interest in school, lack of interest in hobbies, etc. In short, they sounded like good kids. So what if they are on their computers a lot? Some children are just loners more than others. I personally loved to sit in my room and read for hours. This is not the end of the world. I went to college, even grad school and am a relatively normal socially functioning human being with a great social life. Just because these kids' parents remarried doesn't mean they should be forced into a situation where they have to be close to their step siblings if they don't want to. It doesn't seem like their situation has caused them to dislike their stepsiblings - they just recognize that they don't want to be close to them. Once again, not the end of the world. They seem like they respect each other and each other's lives, and I think that is great.
Ariana Cha: Well said.
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Ithaca, NY:
I find the responses in this chat to be interesting - some are fairly typical of the "back in my day"ism that has become a prevalent argument. "Back in my day I'd go into town once a month with Pa to go buy gingham, and was better for it"!;
Back in the day television, radio, newspaper and even books were considered to be agents to tear apart the fabric of civil society, and I don't think the internet is any different in being lumped in to that mix. I doubt very much if Dave, had he lived 80 years ago, would not have been considered equally removed from society by an excess interest in serial fiction.
Thanks again for a thought-provoking article!;
Ariana Cha: Very true! I do wonder what other technological marvel will trigger the next set of social debate.
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Ariana Cha: Well that's it. Thank you so much for all the questions. I'm sorry I couldn't get to all of them.
Cheers,
Ariana
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