Politics of the Rich and Famous

It was the breast of times, the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness.

In case you're wondering what the Dickens would prompt me to take such salacious liberties with that well-known and eternally appropriate quotation, let me attribute my cheekiness to the intoxication of epiphany. Yes, I'm drunk with the illumination of sudden insight, and I have a mammary gland to thank for it. Sort of.

Like many other Americans, I've struggled to understand our protracted and bloody entanglement in Iraq. I've tried to sift through the setbacks and riddles -- mounting death tolls on both sides, the abuses at Abu Ghraib, the hype surrounding Iraq's alleged WMDs, why we ran after Saddam when we hadn't caught Osama -- but have seldom arrived at anything resembling genuine insight. And I've derived no solace from knowing that far keener minds than mine have failed to figure all this out.

Until now, that is. The problem, I have learned, is that the citizenry has been unduly distracted and befuddled by Janet Jackson's breast. You remember that brouhaha surrounding her "wardrobe malfunction" at the Super Bowl? Surely no one has forgotten the long, fitful weeks the nation was kept awake nights by that tantalizing glimpse of pulchritude. OK, a few important events have happened since then -- Britney Spears fell in love, Paris Hilton lost her dog -- but some things just stay with you. And in case Nipplegate has faded from memory, Jackson has returned with a helpful reminder. According to Janet, all that controversy was generated by none other than the president himself.

I am grateful to the curvy songstress for pulling the bustier -- er, wool -- from my eyes. She recently told a reporter from Genre magazine, "I truly feel in my heart that the president wanted to take the focus off of him (Bush) at that time, and I was the perfect vehicle to do so at that moment."

Of course! Hoodwinked and bamboozled once again by a vast right-wing conspiracy. How do I know it was a right-wing conspiracy? Think about it: because her right breast was exposed. I can't be the only one who sees the logic in Jackson's observation.

I for one am glad she spoke out because I need that kind of information to take to the voting booth with me. Janet's explanation helps me to distinguish the smoke and mirrors -- party platforms, policy proposals -- from the stuff that matters, such as breasts and well, Janet.

If not for Janet, I don't know what I'd do. I suppose I could turn to the many other celebrities who have taken public positions regarding the presidential race. Moby, Benny Boom, Bruce Springsteen and Dave Matthews have come out in favor of John Kerry. The Boss is headlining a Vote for Change concert tour. On the conservative side, country singer Lee Ann Womack and gospel star Donnie McClurkin will appear at the GOP convention. It has been noted that voters are increasingly turning to popular culture for news and information. So we shouldn't be surprised that celebrities are occupying a larger space in the national political discussion. Equally telling are our expanding notions of what constitutes celebrity. I'm only vaguely aware of Moby and McClurkin for example, and I was hitherto ignorant of Boom, who apparently is a music-video director.

Alice Cooper has no use for such star-studded activism. He told The Washington Post that voters who pay any attention to rock musicians' political views are sadly misguided. Well, actually he used harsher language than that. "If you're listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you're a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock stars? Because we're morons."

Obviously Cooper hasn't been paying much attention to Janet Jackson. Actually, I appreciate his perspective but I think he's being too harsh. While some entertainers come off as clueless when they dare to opine on political matters, others don't sound any less intelligent than some of us who regularly comment on such things. I'm more inclined to take seriously celebrities such as actor Danny Glover, who has long been active in liberal causes, or Detroit rocker Ted Nugent, who has never made a secret of his conservative views.

When they are genuinely involved and not just out to promote their latest product, entertainers are as likely as pundits to help us find our way in an age that encompasses wisdom and foolishness in equal parts.