John Kelly's Washington Live

John Kelly and unidentified revelers. (For The Washington Post)

John Kelly writes five times a week about the joys and annoyances of living in Washington. He aims to show readers the Washington (and Silver Spring, Alexandria, Manassas, Bowie ...) that they know and take them places they don't know. He wants to make them see familiar things in unfamiliar ways and unfamiliar things in familiar ways. ("We may occasionally end up seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways," John says, "but such are the risks of the job.") His columns take a cockeyed view of the place the rest of the planet knows as the Capital of the Free World but that we all call home. John rides the Metro for fun and once kidnapped an Irishman to see what made him tick.

Fridays at 1 p.m. ET John is online to chat about his columns and mull over anything that's on your mind. This week's columns:
Getting Their Goat and Giving It Up (Post, Feb. 25)
Taking a Goat and a Way of Life (Post, Feb. 24)
One Marine's Moment (Post, Feb. 23)
What's Wrong With This Picture? (Post, Feb. 22)
Answer Man: A Long Way to Go for a Refund (Post, Feb. 21) Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

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John Kelly: Hello again. It must be time for the chat.

Or as the French say, "Le Chat." Or would say if they were referring to a cat. And cats is what were spread out in the cafeteria of Eaton Elementary last week, having their little reproductive organs snipped so there would be fewer cats.

Fewer CATS, not fewer CARS. Fewer cars is what a Metro panel recommended be considered for our subway. Well, fewer trains, but longer trains during peak hours.

Peaks? They're often snow-covered. Which is what Washington is right now. We survived another snowstorm. Or did we?

Your thoughts on all of these issues are welcome. And on my columns this week, which ranged from why Virginia residents send their Federal tax returns to Fresno, Calif., to the thrilling story of a purloined goat.

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Reston, Va.: Re: Metro panel suggestions: Wow, the Metro panel recommends running LONGER CARS during rush hour.

GENIUS, party of one, your table is ready

John Kelly: Here are the recommendations [with my reaction in brackets]. What do youse guys think
?
* Hire more track inspectors, give them better training and recertify them annually. [Makes sense to me. I'm all for better-trained track inspectors.]

• Appoint managers for each of the five subway lines and make them responsible for service from end to end. [I love this idea. I think they should have different color uniforms, and their own softball teams. You could have Red vs. Blue games. And they can come up with slogans: "Better Red than dead." Or "Big Orange: For when you absolutely, positively have to get to East Falls Church."]

• Run longer but fewer trains during peak hours to improve the flow of traffic along each rail line. [This one does seem counter intuitive and not very desirable. They seem to be saying there's a choice: We can have crowded trains or we can have frequent trains. We can't have frequent, non-crowded trains.]

• Change hiring practices so candidates with the right skills are matched to the jobs of train operator, bus driver and station manager. [Again, makes sense.]

• Improve training so line supervisors can make quick fixes to trains and get them back into service at stations. [Yes! Lyndsey Layton's story addressed something that this daily Metro rider has always wondered: Why, when there's a seemingly minor problem with a train, do they have to take the whole thing out of service? What if it just needs a screw tightened or a button reset?]

• Reconfigure the interior of a couple of rail cars -- remove poles at the doors, widen the aisles -- and test whether passengers can get on and off the trains more quickly and easily. Paint lines along the platform at busy stations to show passengers where to line up for the next train and make boarding faster. [This is a test, this is only a test....And it strikes me as prudent. Test it out, see what the reaction is. And while we're testing this car, introduce some themed cars: a Wild West Car, a Last Days of Pompeii Car, a Space 1999 Car. It would spice up the commute.]

• Provide better information about service disruptions. [Sure, although I'm not sure Metro can win on this one. What every rider wants to know is how HE (or SHE) is going to be personally affected by a service disruption. But I doubt Metro can ever give us that level of granularity.]

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Rockville, Md.: Um, about that new picture...was that a costume party? And have you even thought about laser surgery?

John Kelly: Complaints about the old picture and now complaints about the NEW picture? I can't win.

It was a "Frank Sinatra" party. I thought we all looked rather spiffy. I didn't have signed model releases from the other gentlemen, though, so I obscured their faces. Rest assured that they are Big Name Journalists.

The only laser coming near me is in my CD player.

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Wheaton, Md.: John,

Anymore you can tell us about how Jeri and Phil are coping? It's sad that some people would steal an animal off another's property, although I was very happy to read he made it back safe and sound.

Also, a follow-up... have you received your GIANT blue newspaper recycling bin yet? We just received ours this week and I could not agree more with a fellow poster from last week who stated how rediculous these newspaper-only bins really are. Property taxes move higher and higher, and this is how Montgomery County spends our cash... nice!

Thanks for letting me vent too... very therapeutic!

John Kelly: Hmm. I don't think those bins are only for newspapers. I think you can put any paper or cardboard in there. And as we generate a lot of that in our house, I welcome the big wheeled bins.

As for Jeri and Phil, they're still bummed out about the whole thing. Yes, they got their goat back unharmed. But they are worried it might happen again and so have moved the goats somewhere else. They are hoping that the thieves will be caught. If they are, they may bring the goats back.

And by the way, Channel 4 points out that they broadcost a story on the goat on Jan. 15, after it ended up at the animal shelter but before it was claimed by Jeri and Phil.

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Penn Quarter, Washington, D.C.: I have been listening today to WETA radio, and there has not been a single word said yet about the upcoming schedule changes. And it was only yesterday that a schedule was produced on the part of the station -- a scant four days before the move away from classical music!

I know that two weeks' notice has been given to the citizenry thanks to the story written in the Post a few weeks' back. But don't you think this runup to a news-talk format has a little bit of a "cloak-and-dagger" feel to it? It's as if the change is going to be sprung onto the listener as a surprise.

That being said, I look forward to hearing Odyssey, Day to Day, and a more convenient time for This American Life.

John Kelly: Radio stations tend not to announce their format changes ahead of time. Look at what WHFS went through. One minute it was alt-rock, the next it wasn't.

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Arlington, Va.: I had a seriously weird travel experience yesterday. While flying home from the midwest, my seat-mate started telling me his life story, and it was fascinating. He was a graduate of Boise State who was up for the NFL draft this year. He had a workout coming up with the SF 49ers. He was a halfback who'd scored on a 76-yard run that made an ESPN highlight reel. His picture was getting published in an SI article on the draft. He wasn't arrogant at all in telling me this; he seemed like a really sweet kid who was totally happy to be where he was.

Then I got home and looked him up on the Internet to read more about him, and guess what I discovered: IT WAS ALL A LIE!; There was no one by his name on Boise State's team. The facts he'd told me didn't hold up: Boise State never played USC last year, much less lose to them by only 3 points (Boise State was undefeated). Boise State didn't go to the Independence Bowl; they went to the Liberty Bowl. Boise State didn't change coaches in mid-season; they've had the same coach for four years and he's been the best they've ever had.

Basically, for two hours I was listening to a pathological liar. I shared my Twix bar with him. I gave him my business card!; And now I'm thoroughly creeped out. You're a reporter; you probably talk to people all the time. Has anything like this ever happened to you?

John Kelly: No, that's never happened to me. Unless that wasn't Mother Theresa sitting next to me on the Southwest Airlines flight to Hartford last week.

Just kidding. How strange. Maybe it was an actor getting in character. Or someone about to go into the witness protection program who was practicing his story. You gotta wonder, Why Boise State?

I did pretend to be English once in college, but that was to pick up a girl, so I think that's permissable.

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Silver Spring, Md.: The implications Courtland Milloy made in his column notwithstanding, I don't believe that the mass sterilization of stray cats in a school cafeteria showed our concern for pampered pets over needy students (it was a dumb decision, but this was no kitty day spa for pampered pets). Nor do I believe that concern for animals necessarily distracts attention from other important causes (how about attention, and many, paid to professional sports, big TVs, entertainment, the war in Iraq, etc., etc.?). We need to do more to help education. Making snide remarks about pampered pets won't help squat. Many people who start off by abusing animals later abuse people (including children). Concern for animals is not at odds with concern for students.

John Kelly: I think what you're saying is it's possible to show concern for kids AND for animals. That's true, of course. I can't speak for Courtland, but the symbolism of this incident is too striking to leave untouched: schools are falling apart and one is used for a massively inappropriate purpose.

Incidentally, during the Children's Hospital campaign I would occasionally get e-mails from readers asking why we raised money for kids, when there were so many animal charities that need money. I'm sorry, but when it's a zero-sum game, then I think you have to side with kids.

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Anonymous: John, in response to the discussion a couple of weeks ago re: buying the paper version of the Post vs. reading it online -- For me it's a simple choice. I read the Post at work. All day long. If I tried this with the paper version, I'd get caught. The online version lets me get away with it.
--Cubeland

John Kelly: I was at a focus group where this same point was made. It was kind of sad. If you are reading a paper--that is, physically reading a paper copy of The Washington Post--you're somehow seen as goofing off, shirking. Even though the information contained in the Post is valuable and may be useful for your job. But if you're looking at the paper online, it looks like you're "working."

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washingtonpost.com: If Only Kids Were More Like Fluffy (Post, Feb. 23, 2005) John Kelly: Here's Courtland's take.

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Mechanicsburg, Pa.: I think the new page layout is fantastic - no more toenails squashing your head!

John Kelly: And it smells a lot better here in this chat, too.

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Anonymous: Re. Goat: How could a weathered (farm technical term for neutered) goat be worth $4000?

John Kelly: The goats are offspring of a grand champion and when I first heard that I wondered if the goat had been stolen with that in mind, for breeding. But they were both neutered so unless somebody does some fancy DNA work, they ain't having babies. So I don't know if they're still worth $4,000, though that's what I was told.

And thanks for teaching me that word: "weathered." I'm going to try to use it in conversation this weekend.

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Anonymous: John, what do you think about your colleague Mr. Pearlstein's opinion of Washington as the Weather Wimp capital of the world? As a native midwesterner myself, I'm inclined to agree with him.

--My backyard Igloo

John Kelly: Here's a link to his column...

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washingtonpost.com: Washington, The Nation's Weather Wimp (Post, Feb. 25, 2005) John Kelly: You know, I think I disagree. We've reached the point where it doesn't even do any good to bemoan the fact that Washington is brought low by snow. The fact is that it is. Now, maybe it shouldn't be, but it is. Complaining about it is like saying, "You know, the Eskimos aren't very good at waterskiing." So what? Should they be? (And please, spare me your outraged water-skiing-Eskimo letters. I don't mean to insult the Inuit.)

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Washington, D.C.: OH MY GOD...the fare machines on the buses are SO BAD NOW! Is everyone going to have to get a SmartCard in order for a block-long line not to form outside the bus?!

John Kelly: The SmarTrip cards are awfully convenient. No more hunting around for loose change before you catch the bus. Here's what I wonder, though: Yesterday I took the bus to the MEtro rather than drive to Metro in the snow. I used my SmarTrip for the ride in the morning. But in the evening I had a rail to bus transfer. I wondered what I would do? Can you use a SmarTrip with a transfer? Not wanting to risk it, I used 35 cents in change. It didn't really matter anyway, since the bus driver wasn't sitting in his seat. He was in the bus, talking with a passenger, so he didn't ask for my transfer.

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Southern Maryland: In response to Steven Pearlstein's snippy column today about DC's weather wimps -- We got 7-8" yesterday. I've lived and worked in the DC area for nearly 40 years. You've seen what a mess a rain storm can bring, just double that for a snow storm. I save up vacation days specifically for snow storms and stay home in front of the fireplace with DVDs and a knitting basket. I do not own an SUV, believing that if roads are so bad, I'm not going anywhere. I'm merely a dogsh-t secretary and in the great scheme of things my absence from work for a day will not bring down the empire. Interesting to see that people will buy $30,000 loaded SUVs on the off chance they will be needed maybe 3 days out of the year.

If I had gone to work yesterday, getting home would have been a worse nighmare. I recall one incident about 20 years ago when I lived in Burtonsville and worked in Silver Spring, a distance of about 8 miles. A meeting was scheduled at the Planning Commission; heavy snow in the morning, but the Commissioner had not cancelled the meeting until after I arrived at their offices on Georgia Avenue. I turned around and spent the entire day sitting on Route 29 trying to get home with the rest of the free world. People were urinating on the side of the road. Traffic was at a standstill. I figured I spent 10 hours in the car that day. From that day forward I decided there's nothing so urgent that I would spend my life in traffic for it. It's purely self-preservation that I stay out of the mess when snow is predicted and eventually gets here. I wish more people thought the same way.

John Kelly: Yeah, why not enjoy the day? I think it was earlier this winter, or maybe last winter, when people were complaining about how eager school systems are to cancel classes. The next storm classes weren't canceled and some poor 16-year-old on her way to school slid off the road and got herself killed.

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Arlington, Va.: Who initiated the Boise State conversation, you or the liar? That's what I would want to know.

I'm not a pathological liar, but I have seatmate conversations on airplanes because it is me time, and I don't want to be stuck talking to someone I'm joined at the hip with.

So once, when a woman wouldn't stop talking to me, I just kept making up outrageous stuff about myself, under the logic that if I had to get dragged into this unwanted conversation, at least I could make it interesting.

John Kelly: What else would keep people from talking to you on a plane? Carry some sort of frightening book: "An Amateur's Guide to Jihad." "The Electric Chair is for Losers." "The DaVinci Code."

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Oxon Hill, Va.: So did the girl buy into your quasi-British accent?

John Kelly: I fink so, guv'nor. Cheers for asking!

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Cabin John Maryland: John;
Phil and I were so grateful and impressed that you
got the details, as well as the overview of the loss
of our goat, and a dream, just right. Your quotes
were absolutely accurate and you perfectly
conveyed how we feel. One month later we do
not feel angry as much as sad. Both William and
Silver have adjusted to being out in the country on
a beautiful sheep farm. Now we are trying to
adjust to a changing climate in our area and are
considering putting our land into conservation use
- as a small wildlife sanctuary - rather than
intensively farming. Again, thank you for your
sensitivity and insights.
Jeri Metz

John Kelly: That's from the goat's mouth, so to speak. It's a shame all that food production will stop, but a lot of little animals will probably be happy to call your home their home.

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Olney, Md.: Shame on you for reprinting that drivel about animals being stolen for "ritual slaughter". While there are some religions that practice animal sacrifice, true practicioners of Santeria and Voudou would no more steal an animal for ritual purposes than a Catholic priest would rob a liquor store for communion wine. The ritual itself would be tainted by the bad act, and it would be insulting rather than respectful to the loas or saints. Kids looking for shock value and an adrenaline boost are more likely to try to imitate a ritual sacrifice than a communion, but that does not mean they are stealing in order to actually practice a religious ritual. No wonder Detective Drotos doesn't want their first name mentioned, if they are so willing to slander religions with which they obviously have no familiarity.

Try reading "Satanic Panic: The Making of a Contemporary Legend" by Jeffrey S. Victor:

"Again and again we are told -- by journalists, police, and fundamentalists -- that there exists a secret network of criminal fanatics, worshippers of Satan, who are responsible for kidnapping, human sacrifice, sexual abuse and torture of children, drug-dealing, mutilation of animals, desecration of churches and cemeteries, pornography, heavy metal lyrics, and cannibalism.

This popular tale is almost entirely without foundation, but the legend continues to gather momentum, in the teeth of evidence and good sense. Networks of 'child advocates', credulous or self-serving social workers, instant-expert police officers, and unscrupulous ministers of religion help to spread the panic, along with fabricated survivors' memoirs passed off as true accounts, and irresponsible broadcast 'investigations'. A classic witch-hunt, comparable to those of medieval Europe, is under way. Innocent victims are smeared and railroaded.

Satanic Panic uncovers the truth behind the satanic cult hysteria, and exposes the roots of this malignant mythology, showing in detail how unsubstantiated rumor becomes transformed into publicly-accepted 'fact'."

John Kelly: And how long have you been worshipping the Dark Lord?

Just kidding. But actually, nowhere did I say, or did Det. Drotos say, that the people who stole the goat were the people who might have sacrificed the goat. Rather, they may have thought they could sell the goat to someone who wanted it and who have had no idea it was stolen. Several religions, including but not limited to Satanism, prize animals like goats and sheep. Det. Drotos said in his work with the Park Police he occasionally came upon the remains of slaughtered goats in area parks. The Humane Society told me the same thing. Now maybe these weren't cultists doing the killing, but if the end result is a dead goat, does it matter?

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Washington, D.C.: re: Smartrip cards

When you transfer from Metro to the bus, you only pay the transfer charge, not a full charge. I do this everyday.

John Kelly: So does the driver his some button so the payment thing knows to deduct only 35 cents from your farecard?

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Clifton, Va.: Driving in the snow. On RT66 it may not be the best and brightest move to drive in the Green Arrow lanes right when they become available at 530am. They have seen little traffic, may not have been treated and could still be icy. Just a word of caution!

John Kelly: Despite what Robert Frost said, it isnt' a good idea to take the road less-traveled after a snowstorm.

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Silver Spring, Md.: John, Loved your column a few weeks ago about your job at Woodies Brass Pony. While you were upstairs schelping the humungous trash bin, I was downstairs in the women's better ready to wear, helping the blue hairs pick out their Evan Picone suits. Ahh the good ole days. Loved the french onion soup at the Brass Pony, although on the pittance that I was making, I could rarely afford to eat there. RIP Woodies.

John Kelly: I miss Woodies, too. What I don't miss about the Brass Pony was this really weird sandwich they sold there. I wish I could remember its name. It was French toast, with ham, cheese and Russian dressing, the whole thing sprinkled with powdered sugar. I used to eat them at the time (love that employee discount!) but now I wonder how I could even choke them down. Russian dressing? Powdered sugar?

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Herndon, Va.: I believe the point of Mr. Pearlstein's article was that other areas manage to cope with far more heavy snows than the DC area and with much, much less hysteria. I don't know if it's the roads, too many drivers who can't handle snow, or a "beltway" psychosis, but this area does go over the top for any snow heavier than a dusting. I note, for the record, I grew up in Lincoln, Nebraska, and it took a blizzard there to close anything down. I well remember walking 5 blocks to elementary school in drifts well past my knees (which were fairly low to the ground)

John Kelly: But that's because other areas get more snow than Washington. I would expect Buffalo to deal with snowstorms; they have to. Just stick downtown Buffalo with a presidential motorcade, though, and it would shut down. DC, on the other hand, can take that in stride. We know motorcades.

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Anonymous:
Where did Metro find these "outside expert" clowns to advise on how to do things better? Less frequent trains? Remodeled cars to be more like the Boston or New York subways?

Oy vey! The DC metro is so much better than either Boston's or New York's. And we are asking them for advice? Maybe next we can get some Los Angeles traffic experts or Chicago anti-corruption gurus to give us some improvement tips.

John Kelly: Those other cities move lots of people quickly, efficiently and in appallingly grotesque settings. It's like riding in a cattle car. We're more civilized here in Washington. But would you rather be civilized for 20 minutes on a pretty platform waiting for a train, or stuffed into a carpeted traincar with barely enough room to breathe?

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Foggy Bottom, D.C.: As a daily Metro rider, I hear all kinds of suggestions from others about what little things could be done to improve commutes. But aside from an occasional mention of a possible ridership rep on the board, or a chat or forum, Metro management seems impervious to us. We are the idea people -- why don't they ask US what would improve our rides?

John Kelly: I think this outside panel is a step in the right direction. And did I read right that it cost $14,000? don't those things normally cost like a quarter-million dollars? Of course, all this thinking should have been done earlier, before we were in crisis mode. But since you brought it up: What WOULD improve your rides? Besides free backrubs, I mean.

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Anonymous: Re. weird Woodie's sandwich: B'lieve that's called a "Croque Monsieur." (Roughly, "crunchy mister" -- go figure.)

John Kelly: No, they had their own name for it. It's on the tip of my tongue....

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Maryland: Greetings from the State of Hysteria.
I soooo love the fact that when there is a hint of more than three-quarters of an inch of snow, the entire city shuts down and heads to the nuclear fallout bunkers.

I actually had someone on Metro Red Line ask me where they could get a portable radio in case the power went out.

What the heck would we do in the case of a REAL emergency, say...a tsunami? Or an earthquake? I mean, besides the looting, pilaging, and price gouging that would take place. Can you tell I have real faith in this town?

--Trapped under Snow Plow in Montgomery County John Kelly: Anybody see this real scary BBC movie on PBS the other night, about a dirty bomb detonated in the middle of London? Why do we humans enjoy giving ourselves the creeps so much?

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Annandale, Va.: Hi John,

I was a Sunday-only Washington Post subscriber and a Monday through Friday at-work online reader. It was because of these chats that I decided to become a full-time subscriber. I didn't feel right viewing material for free which also appears in the print addition. You write for a quality paper, not a blog, and my way of showing support is to subscribe. And believe me, I won't cancel when you try different formats, cancel a comic strip, forget to leave out part of a story that I feel is important, or include part of a story I feel is biased. Looking at differing points of view promotes intelligence and tolerance. Keep up the good work.

John Kelly: You brought a tear to my eye. Thanks. You may be a dying breed but I appreciate you none the less.

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Arlington, Va.: Liar Boy initiated the conversation, and resurrected it several times when it flagged. And he couldn't talk about anything but football. Every so often, we'd fall silent for a while, I'd start reading my book, and then he'd start up with some new topic: "I wonder if Jason White will get drafted at all?" or "Man, that Warren Sapp is frightening." Believe me, it was to the point where I was considering making up some outrageous stuff, just to keep up my end of the conversation. Perhaps I should have told him that I'm a personal friend of John Kelly.

John Kelly: You should have claimed to be Jamie Foxx and wondered aloud whether the Academy was going to honor you or give Oscar to Leonardo, who has been snubbed so often in the past.

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Anonymous: This cat thing has been completely overblown. Yes, it was a stupid, horrible decision, but I'm telling you right now if political gadfly Terry Lynch didn't have a kid at that school (an out-of-bounds kid I might add), we wouldn't have heard half of what we did about it.

John Kelly: I disagree. If I had heard that story from anyone I would have jumped on it the way the media did. I mean, c'mon, neutering cats in a school cafeteria!?! What's next? "Come get your plague buboes lanced!"

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Anonymous: Hey, John,
You're short!;!;

John Kelly: Those other people are really tall. Freakishly tall, in fact

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Rockville, Md: You said: "Det. Drotos said in his work with the Park Police he occasionally came upon the remains of slaughtered goats in area parks. The Humane Society told me the same thing. Now maybe these weren't cultists doing the killing, but if the end result is a dead goat, does it matter?"

No, it doesn't matter whether the goats were killed by 'cultists' or someone pulling a prank - a dead goat is a terrible thing. What DOES matter is reinforcing stereotypes by repeatedly mentioning that the reason for the kidnapping was likely ritual sacrifice. The story you told would have lost no meaning by omitting the (incorrect) assumptions by the police officer. The ritual sacrifice portion of the articles definitely stuck out to me like a sore thumb. If the Police Officer had made racist or sexist assumptions would you have printed those, too?

John Kelly: That's what the cop told me! I have no reason to think he's incorrect. Or, rather, I have every reason to share with my readers his theory, which is, after all, his theory.

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Petworth, D.C.: But it's NOT a zero sum game. There's room to support both animals and people.

And remember, people can help themselves much more than animals can, and animal problems are often caused by humans.

John Kelly: What have animals ever done for us? They've never raised a single penny.

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Washington, D.C.: Every week, I read this chat simply to see what you have posted from my brilliant Dear Husband (DH). Last week, you kept interupting your chat several times to clarify something for your Dear Wife when she got around to reading the chat. Even though I started reading ths to monitor my DH's activities during the Friday noon hour, I want you to know I enjoy your chat and would even more if you would quit posting stuff from my DH. Could you do that for me? I would be so grateful.

John Kelly: Who is your Dear Husband? He's not the guy from Silver Spring who thinks God is out to get him, is he?

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Anonymous: Croque, Mr.: Um, no. A croque monsieur has the ham and cheese, but no Russian dressing, no powdered sugar, no french toast.

John Kelly: The croque monsieur was invented just to sell to American tourists in Paris. No one else would eat it.

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Washington, D.C.: If it weren't for the Russian dressing, which is appalling, I would call that sandwich a Monte Cristo. Perhaps the counter folk were having a laugh at your expense; i.e., "let's slap some Russian dressing on the Monte Cristo and see if this goofball will eat it!"

John Kelly: The counter folk? You mean "the counter of Monte Cristo"? ha. ha.

This sandwich, whose name I can't remember, was very popular, possibly because it was so strange.

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Anonymous: They're right. You're short. But so is life. Mathematically, then, John Kelly is life.

--The Rack-eteer (yes, it's really me) John Kelly: Welcome back, my friend. Finally out of rehab, eh?

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Arlington, Va.: Interesting Metro suggestion about painting lines. It would be more helpful, of course, if our trains weren't always overshooting where they are supposed to stop.

But on the BART in SF, which looks like it's Metro's cousin, they do have those lines. So rather than everyone bunching up to pile on a train, people line up in ones or twos, and board efficiently.

I don't want to use efficiency in this context however, as this typically scares Metro away.

John Kelly: I ALWAYS find myself standing at a point right where two trains come together. Lines would help (or a better memory on my part). But would it work for trains of different lengths?

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Silver Spring, Md.: So, how's the Latin going Johannes? Remember, "Gallia es provincia."

John Kelly: I have been taking Latin for four weeks, for the first time. Last week it suddenly got very hard. I can say "femina laeta est," which means "The woman is happy." But that's about it.

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Lorton, Va.: The lines on the platform to line up for Metro won't work for those lines like the blue where the number of cars on the trains varies. That's why the new signs are so bad, they don't give any advance notice of the size of the train. They would have to fix this first. They should fix it anyway!

John Kelly: And can they make the lines attractive?

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Anonymous: Re. Eaton Elem. cats: Why the cafeteria? Why not the gym?

John Kelly: Or why not the parking lot?

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Anonymous: For the city to do better in snow would require a lot of expense, such as buying extra plows and salt, hiring more workers, repairing the roads more often because of all the extra salt, etc., and there's really not enough snowstorms around here to justify investing that money. DC has its own problems that are more of a frequent hassle than snow (like illegal goat sacrifices), and it makes sense for the city to spend its money on those.

John Kelly: My thoughts exactly.

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Washington, D.C.: John, John, here we had hope that you weren't Levy. BUt you're showing yourself to be exactly what we had feared - a man SO focussed on "THE CHILDREN" that he can't see anything else.

Of course kids are important, but there are other things in the world too. Adults, animals, plants, the biosphere in general.

You're overreacting. Everyone is overreacting.

John Kelly: Look, I have children so I know how annoying they are. I have no illusions about them. And I love animals, both as companions and as entrees (although ideally not the same animal). I don't think any living thing should be maliciously harmed. I didn't mean this chat to devolve into Animal Farm: Two legs good, four legs bad. But I don't think there's anything evil (or anti-animal) in saying cats shouldn't be sterilized in elementary school cafeterias and goats shouldn't be sliced up in parks.

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Rockville, Md.: Animals certainly don't run around wearing geeky glasses!

John Kelly: Oh yeah? What about Mr. Peabody? He even wears a bow-tie, as I've been known to do. (I usually wear pants, though.)

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washingtonpost.com: Mr. PeabodyJohn Kelly: The dog himself.

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Anonymous: An Amateur's Guide to Jihad: I would so love to get my hands on a copy of a book with that title for my next flight/Metro ride/train ride....

John Kelly: If you do, then don't sit next to...

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Annapolis, Md.: I know you were joking but try using your joke about Amateur Jihad at the airport and see what that gets you.

John Kelly: ...this fellow.

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Washington, D.C.: Sitting next to a liar on a flight. It's happened to me too! I was on a flight last fall and the man next to me wouldn't shut up about his "wonderful" life - talking at me rather than with me. Naval officer/jet pilot, Harvard graduate (thought he was applying to Howard through the Navy and got into Harvard on accident!?), champion skier, software consultant etc. Independently possible stories, but implausable combined. Annoying at the time, but it was actually really sad - like he needed to keep making up stories to get someone to listen to him. I just smiled and wished him the best.

John Kelly: Accidentally got into Harvard? I thought that only happened to people who applied to Haverford. This sounds common enough that perhaps I should do a column on it. Send your examples to me at kellyj@washpost.com.

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Falls Church, Va.: Anonymous doesnt know what anonymous is talking about. The joy of systems in Chicago/NY are that they move you through the WHOLE city. Unless you work right on the Metro line here, then having the lovely Metro really isn't very helpful, unless you like daily bus-Metro-bus runs. At that point most people simply prefer the car-office run.

John Kelly: And would you be willing to pay a little more in taxes so you could all around the city on Metro? I would, but that's just me.

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Washington, D.C.: Its official, I have been priced out of the dc area home ownership market. I am a well to do single middle class person and yet there is no way I will ever be able to afford a house/condo in this area.... that is unless all I own is the condo with nothing in it and walk ever where I go.

And who exactly is buying all these housing developments that say "Starting in the low 600's" how many freekin politicos, lawyers, doctors, and washington post writers live around here

Tell me a reason I should stay here?

John Kelly: Because we like you. you bring a wonderful vibrancy to our city. Please don't move to Germantown. Rob a bank instead.

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Maryland: John,

Anyone who has spent time in the midwest or northeast knows that this is an amazingly wimpy area. I think the problem is two-fold. First, you have a lot of transplants in this region. People who have never seen snow before will tend to freak out. When moved to my first apartment here, people wanted help backing up their car ... in an INCH of snow. Hello? Put the thing in reverse and take your foot off the break. Secondly, while I think that this area has the resources to manage the amount of snow that it gets, those resources and poorly managed and utilized. I'd tell you the amount of salt trucks I've seen throw copious amounts of salt on the road only to fail to put their plows down to clear off the roads beforehand, except that I can't count that high.

John Kelly: I think they've done a pretty good job with this storm. My street looked pretty clear and I took a cab across town this morning and things were fine. That may be due more to the weather, though. For much of the storm the snow wasn't sticking to teh streets because the pavement was so warm. There's the answer: heated streets!

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Anonymous: RE Metro Lines
NOPE, the lines will not work with different length trains. The trains stop at different points at the station, altering the door locations.
And since we no longer are told how long they trains are, it's even worse. More than once I have been standing in my spot (along with a group of other folks) to get on the first car - only for the next train to be 4 cars instead of 6. Then we have to all have to run up to where the train stopped and try and squeeze on. I HATE IT.

John Kelly: How about removeable vinyl lines that Metro workers reposition depending on the length of the next train?

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Washington, D.C.: I went to a college with a substantial Wiccan population (of which I was one). Every now and then, there would be mutilated squirrel bodies found, and the (rather obnocious) head of Christian Fellowship on campus tried to blame them on us.
As a matter of fact, we knew exactly who was mutilating the squirrels, and so would she have had she bothered to look. It was, quite simply, a falcon living nearby who found that fat, lazy, student-spoiled squirrels made a tasty lunch.
So mutilated animal bodies aren't always ritual sacrifices - sometimes they're just prey.

John Kelly: It was a heck of a falcon that took this 200-pound goat. Might have been a pterodactyl.

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Gaithersburg, Md.: John, get your priorities straight. Intead of getting a backrub on the metro, how about Proctor and Gamble handing out free samples of deoderant and mouthwash?

John Kelly: Just don't eat the deoderant.

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Southern Maryland:: Another advantage to reading the Post on line -- Burglars aren't aware you're on vacation because newspapers pile up on your porch or driveway. Trying to suspend and re-start your subscription with the Post is like trying to declare peace in the Middle East. I've tried it -- it doesn't work.

John Kelly: I'm declaring peace in this chat. Thanks for joining me today. As always, send your thoughts and observations to me at kellyj@washpost.com. Give to your favorite charity, whatever it may be. And if you see a kitten stuck up a tree, be so kind as to place it gently on the ground. Have a good weekend.

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