In the Church of J.J., a Congregation of 'Lost' Souls

LOS ANGELES, July 13

Visited the Church of J.J. today.

Its founder, J.J. Abrams, has a new series on ABC called "Lost." It's about a bunch of people who survive a plane crash and find themselves on an island inhabited by a big scary monster who, grievously, is not a vegetarian.

The Reporters Who Cover Television worship at the feet of J.J. for reasons we do not entirely understand.

The Church of J.J. sprang up right about the time Abrams created WB's hot-chick-in-college series "Felicity," which was supposed to be Very Big, only it turned out it was only a moderate success and its popularity was contingent upon the star's hairstyle. And everyone knows the mark of a true hit is its ability to survive a change in the star's hairstyle -- like Jennifer Aniston on "Friends."

Even more of TRWCT joined the Church of J.J. when he created ABC's hot-chick spy drama "Alias." "Alias" was definitely going to be Very Big, only it turned out that even when it aired after the Super Bowl the show still got only a middling rating, even though its star did not change her hair -- though she did dump her husband.

But church membership never stopped growing. So naturally ABC suits asked Abrams to step in and save a new show it wanted to order that included a plane crash, an island and a big, scary monster.

Miracles happen every day in the Church of J.J. For instance, although middle-aged women will not survive a plane crash on a remote island, miraculously all of the hot young ones will, as will all of the hot young men. Also surviving will be one young though fat male, one middle-aged man and one precocious child.

Equally miraculous, the hot young women's bikinis will survive the crash and will be found in time for the promo shots, no matter how far they were flung upon impact, though their sensible shoes will be lost in the wreckage and they will have to pull sensible shoes off the feet of dead middle-aged women whose bodies are strewn around the crash site.

Really, is it any wonder there are so many followers of the Church of J.J. among TRWCT?

This morning, at Summer TV Press Tour 2004, surrounded by 11 hot young plane crash survivor-actors, plus the one young fat guy, the one middle-aged guy, the one precocious kid and a partridge in a pear tree, J.J. talked to his fans.

One critic noted that the premise might cause a viewer to comment, "What a stupid show."

But "Lost," the critic continued, "went way beyond 'that could never happen,' " and, he forecast, viewers will not say, "What a stupid show."

"What," the critic wondered, "is the difference between those two kinds of shows, and how do you do it?"