On TV

Reality, Non-Reality and Everything In-Between

Post TV Columnist Lisa de Moraes takes a look at what's on the tube in a fast-paced give and take about reality, non-reality, cable and you name it.

Join Lisa on Friday, March 4, at 1 p.m. ET to discuss the latest on TV.

De Moraes has written "The TV Column" for The Post since 1998. She served as the TV editor for the entertainment industry trade publication the "Hollywood Reporter" for almost a decade.

A transcript follows.

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

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Ashburn, Va.: Lisa,

Was the Kodak Theater really that empty? Everytime that the panned the crowd, there were several empty seats. Is that usual?

Lisa de Moraes: Hi. I'm so glad you asked about this. First, there was a shocking lack of star wattage at the show. The camera kept panning over to Mickey Rooney for goodness sake. That's Mickey Rooney,aka Andy Hardy, as opposed to Andy Rooney, of course. And Jay-Z --I think they cut to him about 20 times. Nice to see him there, of course, but what's he got to do with the Academy Awards except that his galpal was singing all the songs? I was stunned to see Julia Roberts on stage as a presenter toward the end of the show -- had no idea she was even there because we never saw her in the audience. Where was Tom Cruise, where was Jim Carrey, where was Jack Nicholson, Nicole Kidman, Denzel Washington -- where WAS everybody! Then,like you mentioned, when the camera panned the peanut gallery, there were empty seats -- lots of them. Usually these shows have folks in the wings to fill seats when people leave them to go try to broker a deal for their next flick in the lobby bar during the slow periods -- like when the tech awards are announced. It appears the producer forgot -- very bad. Even worse, once they realized the problem, they should have told the cameras to never pan to the peanut gallery for the rest of the night, but I saw it happen about twice more in the course of the show.Very shabby.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Lady de M, I heard you on the Tony show the other day, you were fab -- even if he wasn't listening to what you were trying to tell him about John Travolta's hair (or anything else you were trying to tell him, come to think of it).

Lisa de Moraes: Yeah, there is that....

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Washington, D.C.: Chris Rock -- The Oscars ...

Did they go well together?

Do you think he'll return next year?

Thanks! I love your column ...

Lisa de Moraes: No, they most certainly did NOT go well together. Rock wasn't able to do what he does best, which is get in your face and he didn't seem to have any ability to react to the moment. After his opening bit, he pretty much stuck to script, including that hideous thing he did with Adam Sandler where Rock filled in for K. Zeta Jones. He did, however, prove once and for all that it's not as easy as it looks. I think it wasn't good for Rock because, while it put him in front of a much larger audience than he usually gets, they didn't get to see him at his best by a long shot. And it didn't do much for the show either....

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Washington, D.C.: What made UPN cancel "Enterprise"?

a. Too expensive
b. Low ratings
c. Demographics
d. All of the above
e. None of the above
f. Something else

Thanks!

Lisa de Moraes: All of the above. Ratings sucked and the show's costs go up every year as a rule...

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Washington, D.C.: Wanda, who didn't make it past the premiere of Survivor's current season, recently alleged that cast members had been replaced shortly before filming began with models recruited from an agency. She also said that producers told cast members what clothes they could and could not wear. While her statements explain the overpopulation of model/actor/actress contestants on Survivor and, perhaps, Amazing Race, I'm wondering whether it's true. Have you heard? Is this an open secret in Reality TV Land?

Lisa de Moraes: Does anybody out there think that reality series are actually "reality" and that half of the "real" people on the show aren't models and wanna be actresses? And does anybody actually think that on "Survivor" they aren't told to wear skimpy stuff -- I think that's one of the reasons we haven't had "Survivor: Iceland." So, in conclusion, Duh.

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Not exactly TV: I just got a TiVo (a gift from a friend so I could join the new millennium). Wow! Can the folks who invented this get a Nobel Prize? What one show that I've been missing should I make sure to record?

Lisa de Moraes: E!'s "The Michael Jackson Show" re-enactment. It's really fun -- and educational!

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Rosslyn, Va.: I have simply fallen in love with the WB's Jack & Bobby! However, I think the WB is setting up this show to fail. It's on an incredibly competitive time slot at 9 p.m. on Wednesday nights. Despite great story lines and new talent, the show isn't getting the attention as it should due to its time slot. Any chance I'll get to see my new favorite show for a few more seasons or should I just go buy the DVD box set once it's out and enjoy the only season it was on?

Lisa de Moraes: buy that DVD boxed set. The reason this show is failing is that it sucks. Maybe they shouldn't have told us in episode no. 1 that hot guy dies -- you think? And Christine Lahti is doing her one Shrill Character role that she's perfected over the years. And the show has been in two different timeslots and done not so well in both places..

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Washington, D.C.: If Fox does cancel "Arrested Development," what are the odds that another network will pick it up?

Lisa de Moraes: Zero......

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She Already Called Me Pookie!: Lisa, could you arrange to have the following correction printed on Monday?

A Style section column March 3 incorrectly stated that regarding "America's Most Cloyingly Goopy Reality Series Sweethearts, Rob Mariano and Amber Brkich. They ... won $1 million on ‘Survivor: All-Stars.'" It should have clarified that while en route to being the sole winner of the game, Ms. Brkich used Mr. Mariano as her personal Luca Brasi/torpedo/errand boy/comfort blankie to dispose of her opposition without leaving fingerprints on the murder weapon. Moreover, because the goal of Survivor is reach the final two sitting next to a poor schmuck whom the jury hates even more than you, it is appropriate to note that Mr. Mariano, as the second place finisher, in fact lost ‘Survivor: All-Stars," albeit not as badly as when he lost "Survivor: Marquesas."

Thanks in advance.

Lisa de Moraes: Ah yes, but they're sure to move to California to try to become movie stars and in that state he's automatically entitled to half her winnings, so technically he won half a mill....sorry, but I like your comments on how she "won" with him doing all the heavy lifting...

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Stafford, Va.: What's up with Everwood? Is it coming back next year?

Lisa de Moraes: Yes, sigh, it will be back for another season...

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Chesapeake City, Md.: What's your reaction to Dan Rather's retirement next week? What will CBS News do for their possible anchor teams -- Armstrong Williams and Jeff Gannon perhaps?

Lisa de Moraes: You know I would watch Jeff Gannon delivering the news, particularly if he delivered it shirtless and in a Speedo and continued to deliver his questions in his super right wing way. Actually CNN should hire him as their new 8 o' clock guy opposite O'Reilly. That would be fun....

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Washington, D.C.: Lisa,
You are on the radio? When and what station?

Lisa de Moraes: No. Occasionally Tony asks me -- well, technically his producer asks me because Tony is a Very Important Person -- to be the person he talks at on his radio show. I was one his show this week but don't ask me which day because the whole week's been a blur...

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Washington, D.C.: Rob also won $100,000 as second place winner

Lisa de Moraes: to which his lovely wife is entitled to half if they move to California as anticipated....

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"Blind Justice" question: I'm hoping your extensive industry knowledge can help me. I've written a spec script for the new series "Blind Justice." I think I've really maximized the character and story potential of a series about a police detective who can't see.

My episode is titled "Smells Like Someone Died In Here."

Can you tell me where I can send this spec script?

Lisa de Moraes: Yeah, send it to Bochco, but lotsa luck getting him to read it...On the other hand, the title's a winner!

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Lincoln Park, Washington, D.C.: Lisa,

Why oh why do the Oscars give so much time to the nominated songs? It is probably one of the least-regarded awards, yet they are given more TV time than the best pic nominees.

Lisa de Moraes: The songs HAVE to GO!!! They should let viewers hear clips of the songs as they ACTUALLY appeared in the flick, while we see clips of the movies. That would kill two birds with one stone. And no one has ever explained why Beyonce sang THREE of the songs. Did they only have the budget for one singer gift basket. Did that producer only know one name of a singer who could bring in younger viewers? It looked cheap....AND she got more air time than Chris Rock! (I'm pretty steamed about the whole show.)

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Arlington, Va.: Do you know anything about a show called "Good Morning Miami" that used to run on NBC? Last I heard they were involved in a lawsuit over the name or concept (I'm not really sure). The show just vanished and I really liked it!

Lisa de Moraes: I'd keep it to yourself if I were you, re really liking it. I think the producers -- same guys who created Will & Grace, and go figure on that -- were in a suit with the network over something but honestly I've forgotten. I've tried to cut out all memory of that show from my brain.

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Washington, D.C.: What was the real reason Jenn the Bachelorette did pick either Jerry or John Paul? The live show was so lame and Jenn didn't give a real answer as to why she didn't pick either guy.

Lisa de Moraes: I think she's angling for a return appearance on a new edition: "Confirmed Bachelorette." Wasn't there some rumor going around that by the time the show aired she was dating her boss? Or maybe I just had a dream....

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Fairfax, Va.: Will Constantine be this years John Stevens? The guy can't sign and it looks even worse when Bo shows everyone what a real rocker signs like. He also looks like a giant.

Lisa de Moraes: I think everyone's pretty lame, but especially your guy Bo. Really, does he have to throw the microphone around every week, and stomp up and down at the end of every song? We get it, Bo, you're supposed to be The Rocker. Honestly, he's so affected....

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Rockville, Md.: So is the abrupt cutdown of the American Idol results show from 60 to 30 minutes some kind of response to the widespread reaction that the first week's results show was kind of cruel? Or is it some kind of dare Fox is taking to prove that their high ratings this month aren't just because American Idol is practically half of its schedule each week?

And will we get to see the people eliminated from the final 12 sing us out each week? Yeah, it can be kind of cruel, but it seemed like most singers could handle it the past couple years--why let one full of herself girl ruin the fun?

Lisa de Moraes: I think they were trying to find a way to give Simple Life a better half hour. It was getting killed in the half hour before Idol. One thing you can be sure of, they did not make the change, after all these years, because they decided the results show was too long because it's been too long since American Idol debuted....

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Washington, D.C.: Do we really need to hear Rob say "Holy Cannoli" at every commercial break? I have to stop watching CBS just for that freaking commercial.

Lisa de Moraes: What are we talking about here? I'm clueless..

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Washington, D.C.: Do you think Sean Penn has any sense of humor at all?

Lisa de Moraes: None. Absolutely none...

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Old Dog Old Tric, Kans.: So it appears Charlie Sheen is simply playing himself on 2 1/2 Men.

Lisa de Moraes: He's never suggested he was otherwise, so far as I know. And you say it like it was a bad thing....

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Washington, D.C.: Has anyone noticed that in some scenes on Lost, Hurley has not got a drop of sweat on him while everyone else is drenched in the stuff? I like the show, but the cheesy set and the screwed-up small things drive me crazy. Lisa, give us your take on the future of Lost --spoilers are OK.

Lisa de Moraes: I don't think there are any spoilers because I don't think the writers know what's going to happen from week to week. I think we will find out that Hurley is a robot, sent to the island by aliens whose leader is Peter Jennings. Just a theory..

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Re: Word Usage: Please tell John Maynard I loved his use of the word Troglodyte in yesterday's TV Highlights. I always thought this was a made-up word from Star Trek, but I looked it up and it is a real word. Who says TV Watching (or at least TV Highlights reading) isn't educational.

Lisa de Moraes: Yes, John says TV listings are more than just about what's on TV. He intends them to be educational. He has one of those calendars with a new word on it for every day and, being the incredibly nice guy he is, he likes to share with everyone. And I've ALWAYS said that television is educational. You may not have noticed but I learned everything I know watching television....

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Sean Penn: Did you see Jon Stewart's mocking of Sean Penn's Oscar "performance"? It was absolutely hilarious! Deadwood!

Lisa de Moraes: Yes, it was brilliant, as usual for Stewart... Did you see his interview with White House Ari last night?

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Washington, D.C.: Let me tell you about Jude Law ....

Lisa de Moraes: One of our most brilliant actors, blah, blah, blah... Of course he apparently can't open a movie.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Hi Lisa,
So what is the deal with the Apprentice last night? Audrey's meltdown was just sad albeit very entertaining. Also, is it just me or does John remind anyone of Vince Vaughn? And how soon before cheerleader Erin and Trump get together? He seemed to be quite enamored by her golf swing ...
Otherwise the show is just not as good as I could hope for. I think the tasks are lame and the cast is a little boring.

Lisa de Moraes: "Donald Trump told me I'm beautiful. That was nice." Really, that has to be the best line of this TV season. Unless it was the other great line from last night's show when Trumpster told his toadies that he'd give a thousand dollars to anyone who got their golf ball on the green in the first shot. And one of the contestants -- who I guarantee you will be the next person he fires, shoots back "Only a thousand dollars?" TV is Wonderful.

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Red Carpet, USA: Speaking of the Oscars, do you know what ratings the TV Guide Channel gets for the Rivers? Isn't it way past time for that old hag and her completely clueless daughter to hang it up or what? And those cheesey production values ... how many cameras does the channel actually own?

Lisa de Moraes: Honestly, I object to your calling her an old hag...stretched to within an inch of her life, yes, but not an old hag. That said, why weren't you watching Star Jones on E.. The train wreck value was much greater on that show than Rivers'.

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Silver Spring, Md.: The really creepy thing about Jude Law is he looks so tiny, but in actuality he is over six feet tall. He must be as skinny as I don't know what.

Lisa de Moraes: ...as Michael Jackson?

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Tony's Show: I also enjoyed your participating in Tony's show. I wouldn't take it personally, he doesn't listen to anything ANYONE says (unless they are agreeing with him). But I guess that's part of why we love him!

Lisa de Moraes: exactly....that's what i keep telling myself....

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The Holy Canoli Comment: The person who sent that in was obviously referring to "The Amazing Race" where the obnoxious "Rob" from "Survivor" is competing.

I'd like to push a stale cannoli in his FACE, thank you. I'm very disappointed that Rob and his significant other didn't lose the first round.

Lisa de Moraes: Of course! Stupid me...you guys really need to get over Rob and Amber....

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Silver Spring, Md. HELP!: Lisa, help, we decided to give up the digital cable, with all the premiums, in order to not only save money, but more importantly, discourage watching/flicking through channels of hours of TV. Now I find myself a first-time viewer of American Idol, and I even watched Extreme Makeover last night. I used to sneer at people that were hooked on those shows, and now I am one of them. I am beginning to think I need to put the ole boob tube on eBay.

Lisa de Moraes: and go live in a cave? get over these feelings -- right now!

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Tony's show: There are some of us who don't watch it.

Lisa de Moraes: really -- don't tell Tony -- he'll hunt you down like a dog...

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Arlington, Va.: Considering how steamed you are at the Oscars (and don't get me started on how steamed I am!), is there any chance they will dump Gil Cates next year and bring in a new producer?

Lisa de Moraes: they've done that before, and yet, year after year, the show looks pretty much the same and have the same issues. It's like a Big Giant Monster that sucks the life, or at least the creativity, out of every producer that comes within its range.

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Re: Joan Rivers: I also thought that she was an old hag, but then I saw Star Jones on the red carpet. Now I am leading the charge to bring back the old hag.

Lisa de Moraes: Yes, Joan was terrible, but in a nice, old haggy way...

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Carlin Springs, Va. : Lisa,

Don't know if your expertise extends to classic TV but hopefully you can help us out.

Do you (or any of your readers) remember the commercial where the one guy had the catch phrase -- "We're out of beer -(dramatic pause, turns away from camera) but we've got plenty of frosty cold ones!"

Then the character suddenly brandishes several bottles, presumably from an off-camera fridge or cooler or heaven knows what else it might have been.

This is the extent of our memory -- we're thinking late 1970s TV commercial played during NFL games.

WHAT BEER WAS THIS?! HELP, PLEASE!

Lisa de Moraes: I am no expert on beer commercials. anybody out there who is?

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Re: Survivor: Survivor has lost some of its mojo over the years, but this season has shown the young pretty people having trouble beating their elders. Oh for the return of the ugly naked guy, well maybe not.

Lisa de Moraes: Yes, there is a shock lack of ugly people on these shows and the pretty people all look exactly alike. I can't tell them apart. Like the lineup of contestants on The Bachelor. I finally gave up watching that show because I couldn't keep track of which barbie doll was which...

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New York, N.Y.: Hi, Lisa, wanted to get your comments on a Without A Trace episode, repeated last night. Filipina nanny accused of kidnapping baby, turns out lousy wealthy parents killed child by accident. If you've seen it, did you get the impression that a subtext of the episode was whites' bias against non-whites? Poppy-Sam treats nanny's mother as if she doesn't speak English and must be hiding a (presumed) criminal, to the point of shouting and assuming the mother doesn't understand English. Only Vivian who's black and Danny who's Hispanic are calm and show compassion. Jack is too angry to interrogate the nanny! Just wondering. Thanks.

Lisa de Moraes: Did not watch it but it sounds like it was an interesting episode...

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Foggy Bottom, Washington, D.C.: What is up with the psycho tobacco dip guy on the Apprentice? He's freaked me out from the beginning ... with unexplainable board room explosions when he's not even on anybody's radar. Why would he be sucking on tobacco while dressed as a clown and luring kids to play mini golf? Freak!

Lisa de Moraes: You say freak, I say hilarious. YOu say tomayto, I say tomahto....

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Philadelphia, Pa.: Lisa,

Is it just me or is NBC using Jerry Orbach's death as a marketing tool for L&O: Trial by Jury? It is fairly disgusting to watch the network promo department view an actor's death as a selling point for a TV show.

Lisa de Moraes: No, it's not just you. NBC is using Jerry Orbach's death as a marketing tool for the launch of "Law & Order: Trial by Jury." But didn't ABC use John Ritter's death to its advantage in promoting those "very special episodes" of Eight Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter."

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St. Simons Island, Ga.: Was Tom Shales way harsh on the M.J. reenactments or what?

Lisa de Moraes: Yes, Tom Shales is fabulous, but on this one he did not seem to get into the proper spirit of things...on the other hand, it is a child molestation case we're talking about here....

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Re: Chris Rock: You know, the funny thing about this is that, while every TV critic said he did not do a good job, every 'normal' person I've asked loved him.

Do you folks ever get off the critic chair and just enjoy?

Lisa de Moraes: Actually, I'm not a critic, I'm a columnist, and an enormous fan of Chris Rock. I love him too, just think the Oscars muzzled him, which was a shame. Tom Shales, on the other hand, is a critic.

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Riddle: Q: Why is a Jay Leno monologue like Michael Jackson's nose ?

A: There's nothing to it.

Lisa de Moraes: so true -- on both counts...

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Washington, D.C.: Yeah! Good news on House -- it's been picked up for a second season!

'House' call: Fox picks up 2nd season (Hollywood Reporter, March 4)

Lisa de Moraes: yes, hooray all around...

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New York, N.Y.: I agree with some of what the poster about said about Without a Trace, but Jack was too angry to talk to the woman because he feels his wife took his kids and that was why he was so mad. It all went back to his daughter not wanting to speak with him from Chicago

Lisa de Moraes: sorry, you know how I'd love to weigh in on this but, like I said, I didn't see it. Sounds very educational though, getting back to my other point...

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Blacksburg, Va.: For the beer commercial person: Go to the boards at TWoP for help! (Television Without Pity)

Lisa de Moraes: help has arrived...

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Oscars: Who decided to have all of the nominees for some of the awards on stage? The only thing worse than sitting in your seat pretending to be happy for someone else is having to take the Walk of Shame from the stage empty handed.

And while Chris Rock may not be to everyone's liking please, for the love of all that's good can we ban Billy Crystal? When has he ever been funny?

Lisa de Moraes: The year Jack Palance did the one-armed push-ups...Too easy a question. Try a harder one...

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Washington, D.C.: Couldn't they get anyone else but Beyonce and Antonio Banderas? Ugh! Prince was up there on stage. Have him sing!

Lisa de Moraes: Yeah -- Prince! That would have been great. Was Antonio Banderas the worst, or what...

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Bethesda, Md.: Do you talk about commercials here? If so, am I now at least the 100th male to tell you I am enthralled with the babe who does the "it's all about the 'O' " commercial? (Overstock.com). Now what is it that they sell again? Can we somehow get that spot on in heavier rotation -- say, about 10 X an hour on every channel?

Lisa de Moraes: Actually, you're the very first. I've seen that ad. Really, you're enthralled with her? Yes, she's cute and all. My fave ad is that one for Bailey's something or another where they're floating in air and the bottle opens and the drink comes out in little round globules and they all float through the air chasing the booze. How do they do that? I'm fascinated by it each time I see it....

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Chris Rock -- normal person's opinion: Well, I'm not a critic and I thought he sucked. So did everyone else I know who watched it. It just wasn't the right genre for him.

Lisa de Moraes: Aha! There goes your theory, Mr. Only Critics Were Unhappy With Rocks' Performance...

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Re: House: I'm glad to hear House has been renewed. But I wonder if his character will ever evolve. He is so unlikeable and I keep hoping he will change.

Lisa de Moraes: Oh no! We find his unlikeable-ness so very charming. Don't ever change -- wow, I haven't used that line since high school yearbook....Out of time, bye...

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