Chatological Humor*

Gene Weingarten (Richard Thompson - The Washington Post)

*Formerly known as "Funny? You Should Ask."

Gene Weingarten's controversial humor column, Below the Beltway, appears every Sunday in the Washington Post Magazine. He aspires to someday become a National Treasure, but is currently more of a National Gag Novelty Item, like rubber dog poo.

He is online, at any rate, each Tuesday, to take your questions and abuse.

He'll chat about anything.

This week's poll.

Weingarten is the author of "The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death" and co-author of "I'm with Stupid," with feminist scholar Gina Barreca.

Colleagues on Weingarten:

"As for you, Weingarten, get a life. If you exercise every day, and get off the sauce, you will learn Deep Throat's identity, when we want you to know." -- Washington Post Vice President at Large Ben Bradlee

"Interestingly, he doesn't joke about poop in person (at least he never has with me)." -- Former Washington Post columnist Bob Levey

"W. attracts all of us loyal, devoted, strong yet vulnerable, affectionate women who lavish him with attention way beyond what he deserves." -- "I'm With Stupid" co-author Gina Barreca

"The truth is, Weingarten DOESN'T know who Lesley Stahl is. He's that out of it."
"Weingarten's hair is a national disgrace. Seriously his hair is a war crime." -- Washington Post staff writer Joel Achenbach

"The whole world is the butt of Gene's jokes...consider it a form of flattery." -- What's Cooking host Kim O'Donnel

"I do not even acknowledge the fellow columnist to whom you refer: He who shan't be named. I believe I once said he is filth, he is scum. He is... simply the worst thing in the world." -- Washington Post Reliable Source columnist Richard Leiby

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

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Gene Weingarten:
Good afternoon.

Capitol Hill Tales:

Last Tuesday, my wife, son and I wandered over to Tunnicliffe's Tavern to have dinner in the restaurant to the rear of the bar. We found ourselves in a room empty of all other diners except for a large table of people in the center of the room. It soon became clear why we were the only other diners; everyone else had apparently fled to the comparative quiet and calm and gentility of the bar, which has two TVs, permits cigar smoking, and is basically an active pickup joint frequented by on-the-make twentysomethings, filled with leering and laughter and 5-decibel wassail. However, it was a quiet haven - a cloistered monastery -- compared to what was happening back in the restaurant.

The party in the center of the dining room had evidently been there some time. They were as well lubricated as the Fonz's head. They were conversing in shouts, laughing in roars, seemingly oblivious to the fact that anyone other than themselves - indeed, any life form with eardrums -- might be in the room. My son guessed that they were The Society of Persons with Voice Modulation Disorder. To me, they looked liked crazed, overstressed subalterns - you know, Procurement and Human Resources Specialists, or Junior Assistant Policy Analysts -- who were unwinding in a spectacular fashion, as you might expect of someone who had been, say, buried alive for some time.

Anyway, after a while my family and I gave up actually trying to communicate with each other over the din. Finally, I summoned a waitress. She arrived. I sucked in a lungful of breath and screamed, as loudly as humanly possible - I am talking about the way you would shout from the bleachers of a stadium if Aaron Boone had just defeated the Red Sox with one swing of the bat in the bottom of the eleventh inning of the seventh game of the most important playoff game in the history of baseball -- "WHY ARE THOSE PEOPLE SHOUTING?"

The waitress backed away from me in fear. In the bar, fifty feet away, men and women suspended their pre-copulative frenzy for a moment, in case something related to terrorism was happening. The restaurant fell completely still for a moment, and all that could be heard was my wife and son and me laughing our asses off.

The party quickly resumed, but at a much more subdued level, and, in fact, people began leaving. Sweet, eh?

Please make sure to take today's poll. As always, I will analyze the results robustly about three quarters through.

For the EXTREME fanatic who can be entertained by nerdy comics arcana, check out today's "Zits" and yesterday's "Shoe." Each has something subtly unusual about it. They are different things. I will send a really crappy prize to the first person who can identify both. Not easy.




The comic POW of the week - made both my son and me laugh out loud, conceivably a first - is Saturday's Nonseq. Two first runners up - each of which is strong enough to be the POW should the POW for any reason be unable to complete its one-week reign - are yesterday's Speed Bump and today's Doonesbury.


Let's go.

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washingtonpost.com: Comic Pick of the Week:
Non Sequitur, (Aug. 14)
Runner Up:
Speed Bump, (Aug. 16)

Shoe, (Aug. 16)
Zits, (Aug. 17)
Doonesbury, (Aug. 17)

Vote in today's poll.

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Makenmi, Ill.: Great column on Sunday! It brought to mind the old Onion item about the failed product mascots. The list included the Hammuderer who would mumble, "Stabble, stabble stabble while killing McDonald land characters and stealing their sandwiches.

Please post this so that corporations and their Madison Avenue cohorts know that they aren't enticing us. They are annoying us. I myself usually boycott products adverstised more than a few times during the broadcast of a single program.

washingtonpost.com: Below the Beltway: Crime and Nourishment, (Post Magazine, Aug. 15)

Gene Weingarten: Oddly enough, most of the email I got on this column was from very earnest people who thanked me for taking a stance against commercials that glorify unwholesome things like stealing.

This, ah, was not remotely my point. If an ad is funny, I don't care if it seems to be glorifying cannibalism. I was objecting to being forced to watch the same unfunny, unimaginative, unlikely, unconscionable ad again and again and again.

But you knew that.

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Alexandria, Va.: How and when did you decide to have kids? I am 27 and debating when to start.

Gene Weingarten: My wife and I decided to have children when we decided that we were going to be staying together for the rest of our lives. I don't think there is any other right time.

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Pittsburgh, Pa.: Have you noticed that the version of the U.S. national anthem played during the medal ceremonies at the Olympics is a rather subdued rendition? Absent are the customary cymbal clashes and so forth. It's kind of like the anthem run through the Muzak machine.

Is this a conscious decision by the USOC to make the anthem less militaristic? Do you think they're fooling anyone?

Gene Weingarten: I have no doubt that is why. We are trying to be very, very peaceful-seeming. I am surprised we are not playing the Swiss national anthem.

Now, I have been rooting for the Americans, as I always do, but uh, I wasn't at all that crushed when the basketballers lost to Puerto Rico. And they are STILL talking without humility. Me, I'd like to see them have to battle for a bronze, and finally beat, like, Uzbekistan, at the buzzer.

Pthep, who has watched more of the Olympics than I, wants to know why Bob Costas keeps staring into the camera like a man who has just been caught in a compromising position. She theorizes: Botox.

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Washington, D.C.: Gene, I would ask if you had read The Post magazine article about Jessica Cutler ("Washingtonienne"), but fact is, Saddam Hussein himself could have invented a better torture for a man with a 20-something daughter than reading this piece of reporting.

My question is, I'd like to get opinions on this article from Liz (because I suspect she is close to Cutler's age) and Gina (because the article suggests behavior like Cutler's is a natural, if extreme, extension of feminism).

washingtonpost.com: Blog Interrupted, (Post Magazine, Aug. 15)
Excellent transcript: Article author April Witt, (Live Online, Aug. 16)

Jessica Cutler is not the poster girl for a generation. Deconstructing her motivations and trying to hold her up as an example of what Naomi Wolf called a "generation raised without an understanding of sexual ethics," kind of makes me want to vomit. We understand! Jessica Cutler knew where the boundaries were and made a conscious decision to ignore them -- many do. Many don't. She likes sex and wrote about it very publicly. She's not the first. She won't be the last. And so what, anyway? She's just the latest one we found out about and now we're all tittering. Stop looking and she'll evaporate.

Gene Weingarten: I am going to stay silent here, as asked. And going to hope that Dr. Barreca is out there to add her thoughts to Ms. Chatlady's already good ones.

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NOT FUN, NY: How could John Hefron have been the Last Comic Standing??!!

From the start, this show seemed to have some secret and baffling agenda that not did not include putting the funniest people together.

Of the last three, Alonzo Boden was clearly the funniest. And Kathleen Madigan and Tammy Pescatelli should have been in the last three rather than those other two bozos.

And as a final insult, they brought back Dat Phan from last season WHO IS NOT FUNNY.

Your perspective on this situation, please, Mr. Humor Expert Person.

Gene Weingarten: I am embarrassed to admit that I have not seen much of LCS. My son and I watched one the other day, though, and if it was typical, I understand your problem.

The first comic was a guy who looked like a neanderthal -- long greasy hair, gigantic forearms in a sleeveless shirt. He was clearly mentally imbalanced, stared at his feet, pretty offbeat, almost edgy, and pretty good. Not great,but good. He had the most difficult thing for a comic to attain, which is a real personality. The second guy was a prettyboy, with predictable jokes, nothing risky or vaguely interesting. When both were done, the conversation went this way:

Dan: First guy was better.
Me: Oh, definitely. No comparison.
Dan: Second guy will win.
Me: Without a doubt.
Dan: Gonna be a wipeout.
Me: Without a doubt.

Prettyboy won 90-10.

Not sure if these are any of the people you are talking about, but it was pretty appalling.

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Arlington, Va.: Like all good Washingtoniensas, I was out of town on vacation last week. Upon my return, I read the archived version of last week's chat, where I was startled to see you dissing Michael Moore's flick and defending Ann Coulter. Has your neighbor Grover Norquist captured your brain? Or are you just beginning to see things the right way?

Gene Weingarten: I did dis Michael Moore, and barely found anyone among you who agreed. Coincidentally, I re-watched Bowling for Columbine yesterday, and decided it was a lot better than F 911. I did not, however, defend Ann Coulter. I merely chastised that weenie feeb pantywaist cheeseater Al Franken for refusing to debate her in my column.

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McGreevious Error: Gene,
If you had to give a press conference where you admitted you'd had a homosexual affair, would your wife have the same expression as Mrs. McGreevey did?

Gene Weingarten: My theory is that the missus was not, technically, conscious during that press conference.

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Subtly unusual comics (2): Oh, and the dad in Zits isn't wearing a seatbelt, which any backseat driver would be pointing out, ad nauseum.

Gene Weingarten: That is the easy one, yes. The other is probably too subtle.

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Southern Maryland: Gene, if you caught Dan laughing hysterically at an inane installment of Garfield, would you turn into Cantor Rabinowitz and exclaim, "Where did I go wrong?"

Gene Weingarten: Honest answer: I would assume I was not understanding the joke.

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Bowie, Md.: I know this is last month's subject but another movie for the incredible suspension of disbelief file: "Yentl." Barbara Streisand in men's clothes looks like Barbara Streisand in men's clothes. There is no way anyone, including the blind, would believe that Barbara was male in this movie. I've never actually watched the entire movie because I feel like shouting "Open your eyes. She's a girl!" and am compelled to turn the TV off.

Gene Weingarten: Very true.

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What's that noise next do, OR: The following story appeared in Saturday's Northern Echo, an English regional paper. The initial complaint to the police must have been interesting, but it's the aptonymn that really appealed.

"POLICE swooped on a brothel containing Chinese prostitutes after neighbours called a sex line number and heard the phone next door ringing.

Teesside Crown Court heard that undercover officers then arranged to visit the premises in Middlesbrough, where they were confronted by two scantily clad women.

Yesterday, Kai Fat Ho, who was running the brothel, in the Linthorpe area of the town, was jailed for six months."

Gene Weingarten: This is just wonderful, from so many different directions.

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Underwe, AR: Urgent question -- A friend just came back from vacation in Chile. He told me that the women there all wear extreme low-rider jeans. I asked if their thongs color-coordinate with their outfits, and he said they don't wear thongs, they "go commando."

So here's the question: somehow, it doesn't sound right to say "she's going commando" when nothing comes between a woman and her Calvins. Is there a feminine form of this verb?

Thanks.

Gene Weingarten: I have now spent some time on this, and can't think of anything worthy. But it is a good question. Do we have any nominations?

I guess a key issue here is whether we are seeing cleavage or not, yes? But maybe not. Anyone?

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Norfolk, Va.: Regarding Last Comic Standing, I'm reminded of something I read years ago by a now-forgotten author. Comedy in the '90s is like disco was in the '70s: Everybody's doing it, and most of them suck.

Gene Weingarten: Actually, that was comedy in the 80s. There were comedy clubs everywhere. I think the state of standup is probably better now; fewer people who think they are comics.

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Vet Assistant: You've mentioned your son several times recently but no news about the daughter who moved away to be a vet's assistant. How is she doing? Is she supplying you with good material for future columns?

Gene Weingarten: Yesterday while walking my dog I was in a park watching a couple have a catch, about 60 feet apart. I was standing nearer the guy, but must have been watching the woman pretty intently because I sensed the guy kind of eyeing me. I looked at him and said, sorry, I was just enjoying watching your friend,

and I'm not sure he looked any happier,

and I continued,

because my daughter has been away some time,

and I'm not sure he looked any happier at all,

and then I said,

And it's really great to see another woman who can throw.

He broke into a big wide grin.

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Virginia Beach, Va.: What happenned to "Pearls Before Swine" today? Why can't I find it online? It stops on yesterday's. While searching I did find this Web site which declares a band by the same name of the strip. How did Pastis decide on the name? There is also a flash game on the Internet operating the same name but completely unrelated. Is there some common source? Pure coincidence?

Moist.

Gene Weingarten: Boy, I don't even know where to begin here. "Like casting pearls before swine" is from the bible, to describe an act that is useless because the people it is intended for are too stupid/unsophisticated to appreciate it.

"Pearls Before Swine" was a 1960s band featuring the genius songwriter Tom Rapp. I thought then, and I think now, that it is the best band name ever. (Though "The The" was pretty great, too.) Several years ago I did a Style lead story on Tom Rapp, who has become a lawyer in Philadelphia. Liz, can you link to it? I really liked this story.

Pastis says he'd never heard of the band, and came up with the name independently, and I have no reason to disbelieve him. It's a pretty great name for a comic strip, too.

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Gene Weingarten: Oh, goody. Here is Gina's response to the Jessica Cutler story:

Let's start here: Liz's remark is perfect: stop looking at Jessica C. and she'll disappear. Perfect. Makes her seem like a sexy Tinkerbell (who no doubt is sexy to some -- I suspect Weingarten finds Tinkerbell remarkably hot -- she's his type all over) insofar as she is a creature who needs attention to survive. Like that corner table, fame is fleeting when it is based on what you did in bed.

But I feel particularly sensitive about this stuff regarding the sex-notes-on-the-web for a couple of reasons, first among them that fact that remarks I made about young women's fashion taste as an expression of their celebratory sexuality could be misused in this context. Let me clarify: just because I more or less argued it was okay for young women to DRESS like hookers, I didn't mean YOUNG WOMEN SHOULD START TAKING MONEY FOR SEX which MAKES them hookers. It's pretty much the definition, isn't it? A person can, for example, dress like an homeless individual (see any photograph of Weingarten) and yet be perfectly employable and have an energetic family life -- because a person can assume that DRESS does not mean definition of self. Oy.

Is the girl who was working for the Republicans and who put her money where their money was a feminist icon? No. Once again we have a poster child for those who want to scream WOMEN ALL SCREW THEIR WAY TO THE TOP.

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Really Break-ing News: Allen Iverson broke his thumb. Uzbekistan will kick our butts.

Gene Weingarten: Wow!! Dang, now it will seem like we have an excuse, though.

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washingtonpost.com: The Lawyer's Song, (Post, May 17, 1998)

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Relativi, TY: I tried to get this in last week, but I was too late and will try again, only more in depth.

I think it is interesting that Liz asked us to discuss the Flash and clocks. What is interesting is Einstein's theory of relativity. Once Liz suggested the clock, I immediately began thinking that this very item is a limiting factor for the Flash. You see, the Flash is very fast, that is his whole super power, but is he too fast? As an object moves closer to the speed of light, time for that object moves more slowly than time for objects not moving as quickly. Sounds difficult to understand and it is. Even Einstein admitted he could barely grasp it. The theory is utilized magnificently by Orson Scott Card in his sequels to the best-selling "Ender's Game." In those books, as space travelers speed through the universe, a trip that takes decades to complete passes by for the travelers in a matter of months. I don't want to go into the formulas and mathematics that are involved (because I can't remember it and can't find my textbooks), but this relationship can be shown concretely. I would love for someone else with knowledge in physics to chime in here, as I am not really sure how this would affect Flash over his relatively short distances. Eventually, though, I think it could catch up with him.

washingtonpost.com: ummm... I was hoping someone would pick up on that.

Gene Weingarten: This is important stuff. See next post.

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Ellicott City, Md.: One last word about The Flash. If he weighs what a normal human weighs, then he must have incredible strength in order to accelerate as fast as he does. Look at top fuel dragsters which have much slower acceleration but have 2000+ Horsepower engines to do it. If on the contrary he just has no mass, then all bets are off.

washingtonpost.com: Oh, this won't be the last word...

Gene Weingarten: Liz, possibly you want to considering getting a physicist to host a weekly chat about the Flash?

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Arlington, Va.: Hi Gene,

If humor is objective, then why are some of your columns (and Dave Barry's, for that matter) funnier than others? Why don't you make them all as funny as humanly possible?

Honestly, I think your "humor is objective" theory is really interesting, but I'm not sure I totally understand it.

Gene Weingarten: We are trying as hard as we can every week. Every single week both of us fail at being as funny as possible. Sometimes we fail more dramatically than other times.

It's simple.

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Germantown, Md.: ISOD: Superman was instanty unrecognizable as Clark Kent without glasses. Huh?!

Gene Weingarten: Ah, yes, of course. This, however, was almost pastiche from the start.

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What's the Joke Here?: Gene,
Can you tell me what is funny about the following comic from Sunday's Post:
That's Life, (Aug. 15)

For the life of me, I can't understand what Twohy's joke is (other than the family went to counseling and they're now all PO'd at each other, which is rather lame if that's what he was shooting for.)

Thanks.

Gene Weingarten: They apparently are the staff of the clinic, and they are not getting along. A weak joke that not even a better artist could have saved.

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Virginia: Uh, Gina, whether all women screw their way to the top or not, isn't the issue that most of them COULD? Seriously. Isn't that pretty much the explanation of why attractive women tend to get a lot farther in life than unattractive ones?

Gene Weingarten: Interesting. Gina?

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Lansing, Mich.: So I finally got a chance to read "I'm with Stupid." Your joke was the best, although I liked Gina's joke about the Kennedys, too. I don't think I've ever flushed with my foot, although I was appalled to hear that men just let their pants puddle around their ankles when they're in the bathroom.

So I'm not completely clear whether I'm male or female...

Gene Weingarten: AND your name is "Pat."

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Ne, RD: How fast do you think Ellicott City could accelerate out of his mom's basement?

Gene Weingarten: Hahahaha.

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Alexandria, Va.: Do you know about this already? Funniest name in professional sports has got to be that of St. Louis Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols. For last name pronunciation, "Pu" is pronounced "Pooh" and "jols" is pronounced "holes."

I laugh whenever I hear him mentioned on SportsCenter...

"Pujols!"

Gene Weingarten: Yes, I have of course mentioned this. Even better, because it is a true aptonym, is the real name of The Fartiste, the French entertaineer from the turn of the century whose act consisted entirely of flatulence. His name was Joseph Pujol.

Alas, in French, it would be pronounced Poo-zhole. But still. Man.

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Last Comic Standing: Disheveled Guy: Did you really like Jay London (the disheveled guy)? All he does is one-liners, and while some of them are clever, many of them are complete groaners. In almost every episode he performed in, one of his jokes was "Do you like my overall look?" (because he always wears overalls). That is one of the worst jokes I've ever heard.

Gene Weingarten: I thought he was pretty good. Not at all great, but he had SOMETHING. Yes, it was all one-liners, but many were weird and inventive. His act was hugely better than the other guy.

He did have an annoying habit of repeating lines that didn't get big laughs a second before. But there was no comparison between him and the guy who beat him.

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Damascus, Md.: Just because you can correctly rate humor doesn't mean you can create it yourself. Just like I can rate chocolate (and I go with Liz on the dark chocolate side -- but hey, that's just more for us if you don't like it), doesn't mean I can make it.

Gene Weingarten: Correct. And I assume I have not yet seen, nor ever will see, the perfect joke. But I'll know it when I see it.

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Gene Weingarten: Okay, here is the poll analysis:

The thing I find most interesting is that, to this moment, 12 people declared the story to be unfunny, and then cheerfully proceeded to parse its funny parts. The only non-hypocritical response, if you thought the thing was offensive, was to have no part in the further analysis.

Question two is a toughie, because there are so many delicious elements to this story. The answer depends on what constituent of humor most attracts you. Fans of irony have to go for answer A. Fans of really, really adolescent humor are going to lean to answer D. (I confess that I missed this element entirely on first read; it was pointed out to me by none other than the genteel and proper Ms. Chatwoman.) Those who lean toward hostility and treasure comeuppances will select F or C. My choice is B, because I am most amused by truths about the hilarious skankiness of the human experience. My second choice is D.

But they're all swell.

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Gina: Can all women screw their way to the top? This is funny, even when you don't think about Janet Reno and Madeline Albright whose name I am in danger of spelling incorrectly. Nope, they cannot. Most women who screw the boss or boss's friends do not get promoted. They do, however, get fired, pregnant, and sexually transmitted diseases on a fairly regular basis. Men don't GIVE RAISES to girls who spend their time on their knees. They might leave bills in an envelope but it will not be because they think she deserves to be higher up the corporate ladder -- not unless they want to look up her skirt.

Gene Weingarten: Good answer, Gina. Madeleine.

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Funny foreign words: The German word for brassiere is "bustenhalten."

Gene Weingarten: Very nice.

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Lower Washington, D.C.: How much do you make?

Gene Weingarten: About as much as most people. Nothing that threatens the plumbing.

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Re: Band Names: My high school friends and I are going the sitcom route and considering starting a band. We need a name, something esoteric and witty, subtle but painfully hilarious once you "get it." It just struck me that you'd be the person to ask for suggestions (or, if any readers have any neat ideas, I'm open to them as well).

Just a note: we're all very politically active, and the band will be as well. We're left-wing nuts, so keep that in mind.

Gene Weingarten: Left Wingnuts.


You're welcome.

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Flash confusion: The person speculating about the Flash and relativity is a little confused. It is true that time slows for a person traveling near the speed of light. This wouldn't have an appreciable effect on the Flash, because he's not traveling through the vast distances of interstellar space and he's not always traveling at high speed. Consider it this way: suppose Flash runs from New York to LA in, say, 10 seconds. Everyone in the world will have aged 10 seconds. Flash will have aged, say, 6 seconds. This will not ever matter.

On the other hand, he will have to reset his watch after periods of high speed motion.

Gene Weingarten: Thank you. But wouldn't his watch burn up?

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Portland, Ore.: In response to this:
"Uh, Gina, whether all women screw their way to the top or not, isn't the issue that most of them COULD?"

I'll take a shot at this if I may... Uh, no, you Neanderthal. Sleeping your way anywhere assumes that there are always still men above you (heh), in a position to be handing out favors. Sleeping one's way to the middle is the best that can be hoped for, if one chooses that route.

Also, if attractive women could sleep their way to the top of anything that mattered, wouldn't women be, you know, running the country and the major corporations and stuff? Since they're not, well, apparently, the answer is NO.

Gene Weingarten: Good point, at the end. As it were.

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Hume, OR: I have the perfect joke. It has won me drinks in bars for years (often from bartenders who can't stop laughing). I used it two weeks ago and cracked up a group of published humorists. The problem here is that it must be told in person, not in print.

Can we solve this somehow?

Gene Weingarten: email it to me. weingarten(at)washpost.com Yes, I know, but you can explain what actions are required. I am so incredibly sophisticated that it will lose nothing in the telling, and if it is indeed the greatest joke ever I will help you make a fortune. If it is not I will humiliate you in this space next week.

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Re: Cutler: Hey Dad -- yes, 20-something girls are going to have sex. And enjoy it guilt free. I am 10 years older than Jessica, had a great time in college, post college, and am enjoying marriage. Most of my friends were not unlike Jessica. And most of us would consider ourselves moral, upstanding people. Please. She is 26. The average woman sleeps with around 15-20 guys before she gets married.

Chill.

Gene Weingarten: Understood. And no judgments are being made about you. But I am guessing you never took envelopes of money. Er, not that I, personally, have any opinions on this matter. This one is for the girls to debate.

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Washington, D.C.: Do you have to run every column idea by The Post's lawyers prior to harrassing innocent people (like the McDonald's communication lady, and the people on the other end of those consumer hotlines you call)? It seems like you would be sitting on a mountain of lawsuits.

Gene Weingarten: Nah. With McDonald's, hey, they put that ad out there. It is perfectly appropriate for it to be reviewed, which, in essence, is what my column was. A very negative review.

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Shoe: In the second frame, the Bird Guy's arm is obscured by the bar due to perspective, while Shoe (is that his name? I really don't follow this particular comic.) has his arm still in plain sight, even though he is further away. It doesn't make much sense, consistency-wise.

Gene Weingarten: Nah. This wasn't really fair, and I apologize. Too esoteric. It's also not as easy to see online as it was in the paper. In the last panel, Shoe's (or is it the perfesser, I forget) eyes are boinging open, a classic old fashioned comics spit-take. Shoe NEVER does this. The final panel of Shoe always features the character slit eyed, and sardonic at the delivered punchline. This is like a reversion to Bazooka Joe type punchline reaction.

As I said, sorry.

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Washington, D.C.: 15-20 people!;?!;

Gene Weingarten: Hey, this is a girl talking. Who am I to contradict her? I would like to know where all these fun loving chicks were when I was single.

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Arlington, Va.: Isn't the real issue with Jessica Cutler her boink-and-tell blog? Who cares what her sexual preferences are? She can do whatever and whoever and however many people she wants and as often as she wants for all I care. I don't understand why people who want to declare her a victim of anything at all.

Gene Weingarten: Oh, I think everyone was using everyone else in that sordid little tale, no? Everyone was a victim, and everyone was victimized.

Great story, no?

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Lansing, Mich.: Oh, THIS girl says Jessica's a slut. The envelopes of money are a bit much.

But really, who cares?

washingtonpost.com: Eggzactly.

Gene Weingarten: Thank you, ladies.

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Arlington, Va.: If Flash's watch DID burn up, could you tell him where to get it fixed?

Gene Weingarten: Ecker's Clock and Watch Shop, Bethesda.

One day, Edward HAS to give me a break on a repair, you know?

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gina: The person from Portland makes an excellent point -- it only worries me that such a point could be used to prove that women are ONLY judged on their sexual attractiveness and therefore are out of the marketplace lookswise by the time they have the expertise to run a company. And the argument could also be warped into one which promotes the vision that any woman who DOES succeed got there on her sexual/flexible talents. But I think there's something crucial in Portand's statement and I want to think more about it. Thanks.

Gene Weingarten: Okay. Who knows, maybe G and I will wind up writing about this.

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Gina: Weingarten needs to be called on this remark: "This one is for the girls to debate." Gene, what we're doing here is not jello-wrestling at a frat party. We're figuring something out and your role is not simply to watch and see if we end up kissing.

Gene Weingarten: YOU MIGHT END UP KISSING?????????????

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The truth hurts: I would like to know where all these fun loving chicks were when I was single.

In the womb?

washingtonpost.com: Ha!

Gene Weingarten: Ha!

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15-20 people...: ...Speaking as a happily married woman who had some good single times -- yep, pretty much. And I was considered something of a prude.

Gene Weingarten: Well, I'm gonna leave it right there. I can't really concentrate any more, on account of the kissing thing.

Next week, right here.

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