The Beach Is Always Free . . .

"I'm sorry if if the island is not as beautiful as you may have expected," she said. "But [Hurricane Fabian, which slammed Bermuda last fall] did give us wider beaches."

In fact, other than some structural damage at the airport, I hadn't noticed a palm out of place. Tourism officials confirm that with the exception of some lingering repairs at a few resorts and the airport, Bermuda is in good shape.

So is Clairfont, despite the low cost. My $100 studio had a large bedroom/dining room combo and a kitchenette, bathroom with a tub/shower and balcony with two chairs. Okay, the kitchen was stocked with ancient appliances, and hot water was in cruelly short supply at shower time. Still, housekeeper Betty Hall, who's been on the job 31 years (that's not a typo), kept the suite spotless, and the air-conditioning and TV appeared to be new.

I loved the place, despite the theft. Yes, theft. I'd inadvertently -- nay, stupidly -- left my studio door unlocked one night and awoke to find my backpack missing. Hall discovered it ransacked outside another apartment, though nothing was missing but my dignity. Evidently the fiend wanted cash. Bermuda may look make-believe, but when your innkeeper warns you to lock your doors, I suggest you follow her directive. (Island crime, never high to begin with, is actually on the decrease.)

Reality check aside, Clairfont was a penny-pincher's dream. Warwick Long Bay, with a beach so beautiful I won't even try to describe it (not that I could do it justice), was down a sandy cliff at the end of the street. Simons gave me a stack of towels and the use of the communal beach chair -- in effect, marching orders to plop my butt on the sand and snooze.

More useful, though not nearly as pleasant, was the bus stop a couple of hundred yards from my door. The island's little pink buses go everywhere and are easy to use, once you master the pole system -- stops marked by pink-tipped poles are for buses heading toward Hamilton, blue-tipped away from the capital.

Though I'd bought a three-day pass, I did the math later and realized I would have saved even more if I'd paid for my rides à la carte ($2.50 to $4.50 a leg, depending on how far you're going and whether you use tokens or exact change). Another lesson learned: Plot out where you want to go and how you plan on getting there before you buy a pass.

I took the bus each day to the nearby Modern Mart, a grocery store with food so expensive I almost felt guilty digesting it -- $5 for a bag of rolls, $2 for a skimpy green pepper, $7 for a half-gallon of ice cream. Expecting as much, I'd stowed provisions from home in my bags -- crackers, tea, tomato sauce, pasta, etc. (I'd rather spend my money on rum swizzles.) The meals I cobbled together in the Clairfont kitchen -- fajitas, a shrimp boil, spaghetti -- were relaxing, hearty and didn't require a jacket and tie.

Strangely enough, though mayonnaise on the island goes for $4 a jar, it was easy to find decent wine for under $10 a bottle.

If you need a break from the beach, you can duck into Hamilton or check out any number of gardens, arboretums, museums and costly attractions like Crystal Caves.