Exercise? Count on It

That's 533 more calories out than in. Take that, Denise Austin.

After I get the kids off to school (packing lunches, checking homework, walking to and from the bus stop, talking with neighbors at bus stop, 134 calories), I get down to work in my home office, logging in for 2.5 hours at the computer for a burn of 335 calories. No late-morning snack for me; I drink good old municipal water just about continuously -- that's a big zero's worth of calories.

And that's 469 unanswered calories that have vanished. As I said, this was going to be easy.

Lunch preparation took 37 calories (for 10 minutes) and usually consisted of 2.5 cups of bagged salad (15 calories, ha!) and two ounces of blue cheese salad dressing (120 calories). My sandwich was usually two slices of Swiss (120 calories), five ounces of lean ham (228 calories) and teaspoon of yellow mustard (zilch) on four slices of whole wheat bread (320 calories).

Then there are the potato chips (150 calories). And the apple juice (120 calories). Lunch came to 1,073 calories in and 37 calories out. But wait, it took 60 calories to eat lunch -- I eat while standing -- so the net lunchtime intake is a mere 976 calories.

My mid-afternoon snack is usually some chocolate pilfered from one of the kids' Halloween baskets (120 calories). Then it's two hours of computer work (268 calories) and an hour of housework (also 268).

After walking to and from the bus stop (52 calories) and helping the kids with their homework (206 calories), I spend about 70 minutes preparing dinner (261 calories). The meal is generally a few ounces of low-fat protein, a warm vegetable, buttered bread and a salad with Italian dressing (about 680 calories, total).

Of course, all of this is washed down with wine. Two glasses, 140 calories total. After cleaning the kitchen (such is the fate of the stay-at-home dad; 51 calories), I kick back and read Bon Appetit for 35 minutes (52 calories) with two ounces of a nice Scotch (150 calories).

And then, to bed, where I eat up six calories taking off my clothes and putting on my jammies (two minutes), another six for brushing and flossing (no calories for toothpaste) and a whopping 19 calories for a moderate level of displays of affection for my wife.

The Envelope, Please

All of which all comes to . . . 2,347 calories going in and 2,472 going out, which means I'm running a deficit of 125 calories a day, or the equivalent of one Hostess Ho Ho (which has been known to sneak into the intake equation, but that's another story).