School transitions aren't easy no matter the age of the child. However, middle schoolers are also simultaneously experiencing enormous growth spurts and major hormonal changes. It's enough to stress out the most stress-resistant kids.
Today's guest is veteran middle school science teacher and award-winning coach, Charles A. (Al) Summers. He is the director of Professional Development for the National Middle School Association.
Evelyn Vuko
(washingtonpost.com)
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How can you help your child make the move and the grades in middle school?
Join Education columnist Evelyn Vuko and her guest online Tuesday, Sept. 7, at 2 p.m. ET for some tips on how to help smooth the path for kids in middle school.
The transcript follows.
Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.
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Evelyn Vuko: Don't let middle school become a muddle for your kids. External and internal changes move like a hurricane (apt analogy, no?) through the lives of 11-13 year olds and Al Summers and I are here today to help you help them make the move and the grade in middle school. Let's get started.
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Great Falls, Va.:
I was wondering if you could provide the readers with the best ways a middle school child can help themselves work to their abilities and to not fall behind in their school work. Thank you for your expert advice.
Charles A. Summers: Among the many changes occurring in middle grade children is the search for who they are and how they fit in. When young adolescents ask "why do I need to learn this?" they are more often being sincere than troublesome. It is the responsibility of the school and the teachers to make sure that the curriculum is truly relevant, challening, integrative and exploratory. If a curriculum does not truly engage the learners, then there are going to be unnecessary challenges throughout the year.
Assuming the above to be true, parents need to take a genuine interest in what their child is doing in school. Stay connected through your child and also with the teacher and (hopefully) advocate at school. Remember that this is the age that children will often begin to try to "distance" their parents/caregivers from the school.
From my own experience, I know that the most successful science lessons were ones that included something that the children could do at home or that could be reinforced by their parents. I'll never forget the times that a child would say something like "mom said the same thing you did about. . ." or "dad took me out and showed me the constellations that we talked about in class."
Above all else, problems with studies are much more easily dealt with when they are discovered early. When both teachers and parents are in tune with the learning, effort, test results, homework regularity- problems will indeed be discovered early on.
The most effective learning is accomplished when the student, teacher, parents/caregivers are in tune. This means active and interactive communication on a regular basis.
Evelyn Vuko: I'd like to add a note from an educator in New York City, by email: I can make some comments, having taught in a Middle School for 35 years. Remembering the physical and emotional changes that Middle Schoolers are experiencing and have to deal with certainly helps the teacher when dealing with them. When planning lessons, it is important to remember the particular interests of Middle Schoolers and include those interests in your content and activities wherever possible. The biggest driving force of children of that age seems to be "peer approval". Therefore, it is essential to show respect for ALL the students so that others will sense that you respect them too.
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College Park, Md.:
Although middle school is far off for me (I have a 1st-grader), I'm apprehensive about the idea of middle school in general. I went to a 1-8 school, and my classmates and I were rather scared of the "jr high kids" in town. Friends who have college-age children have told me that even the best schools tend to be "holding pens" for kids at an awkward age. I'm considering switching to the local Catholic school for grades 5-8 for my child because I liked how the children in the upper grades there interacted with and cared for the younger children. Can you give me any encouragement for middle schools?
Charles A. Summers: An effective middle school is truly a remarkable place. It is a caring, nurturing environment with an adult advocate for every child. It is a place where all adults and students are engaged in active learning and the curriculum is relevant, challenging, integrative and exploratory.
Middle Schools have gotten a "bad rap" in my opinion because too many middle schools are really still junior highs and they try to treat the students like smaller high schools.
Highly effective middle schools have educators that want to work with young adolescents and are trained to do so.
I would suggest that you get involved with the middle school your child will attend in the future. Make sure it has the characteristics I mention above and also a well thought out transition program for elementary students who are getting ready to move into the middle school.
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Philadelphia, Pa.:
My son is going into a large public middle school after being in a small and supportive elementary school since kindergarten. Do you have any ideas about how I can help him learn to cope with large groups?
Charles A. Summers: Successful middle schools come in all sizes. I happened to teach at one that had about 250 students. It was great! Every teacher literally knew every student and there was a close-knit feeling that a small population can provide.
The truly successful large middle schools seem to create that smallness by dividing the school into smaller units (sometimes called houses or teams). In that arrangement, anywhere from 2 to five teachers are responsible for 40-100 students. The teachers get to know the students much more personally and the students get to know each other much better as well. The caring nuturing environment you spoke of that occurred during elementary school can be replicated in a middle school- even if it is much larger.
I would encourage you to talk with teachers and administrators at the middle school to find out how the students are organized. If, for some reason, they have not created the smaller houses or teams within the larger structure, you need to ask questions about the way they get the caring nurturing environment.
Stay in contact with the school and also seek out ways that you can be involved with the work there. A caring, nuturing environment is indeed like a three legged stool- it requires the school, the family/caregivers, and the students working together.
Evelyn Vuko: Let me add that parental involvement should not stop when kids get to middle school, especially if they are having adjustment issues or are dealing with a learning disorder. If you have time, volunteer your time at school. There's nothing like being on the spot when problems arise with your middle schoolers.
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Fairfax, Va.:
Have you read the book "Not Much Just Chillin" about the secret lives of middle schoolers? My boy is just starting sixth grade and another mom recommended it to me. I'm not sure if it is for kids or adults or both.
Charles A. Summers: I have read the book and as a former teacher and parent myself, I thought it was good. My personal suggestion would be that it is really a book for parents and teachers. If you have not read it, I would suggest that you get a copy and give it a read.
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Fairfax, Va.:
My son does not have a good sense of direction and he gets lost very easily. He starts middle school for the first time today and he's worried and so am I that he won't be able to find his way around. How can I help him with this?
Charles A. Summers: If your son's middle school is a true middle school (not all buildings with the name middle school on them are truly middle schools) your son should have an adult advocate. Highly effective middle schools have advisor/advisee groupings but also each teacher is assigned a certain number of students for whom that teacher is the advocate. This teacher is responsible for getting to know her group of students more personally, which includes likes, dislikes, problems, successes, etc. That teacher is also responsible for communications with families/caregivers.
This advocate (or possibly called advisor) is the person your son should share his concern with and together they can work our a plan to deal with any challenges your son would encounter.
Also, the team your son is on should ideally be located in a particular part of the building and thus should be in close proximity to all or most of his classes.
Evelyn Vuko: You might want to enlist the aid of your son's math teacher, since spatial skills are math-related. Perhaps they can arrange a time together after school to work on reinforcing his mapping skills, they might even develop a map of the school that your son can share with his classmates.
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Washington, D.C.:
My eighth grade son has suddenly become very chatty and talkative. I can't believe it's the same kid who I had to pry words out of before. Is this a hormonal thing? Is this a good thing? Or does it mean he's anxious or nervous about something and just trying to cover it up?
Charles A. Summers: It could be any of the possibilities you mentioned, however I think you should look upon it as a good thing. In my 28 years of middle school teaching and also my experience of raising my own three children, I know the kids I always worried about the most were the quiet ones. I always wondered what was going on in the minds of the quiet ones, the talkative ones always let you know what was on their minds.
Use this as a means of staying connected with your son and what is going on in school and in his life- not in a prying way, but in a geniunely interested way. At this age, children often begin to discourage their parents' involvement. If you can keep him talkative and share experiences of your own, you can help him finish middle school on a strong note and get ready for another big transition for him- the transition to high school.
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Richmond, Va.:
Is their any hard evidence to indicate boys benefit from single-sex education during the middle school years?
Charles A. Summers: I do not have any evidence at hand, although I know there has been some research. National Middle School Association has not taken a stand as yet on the subject, another sign that research is not overwhelming at this point.
I do recall a principal talking on TV about this issue and he said that it really seemed to work- especially with the girls. In his words, it took away any "pressure or competition" that the girls would feel if there were boys in the classroom.
Charles A. Summers: Nevertheless, to make a big decision like same-sex classes, it is important to have a body of research and to make sure that research is valid.
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St. Louis, Mo.:
I am a substitute teacher in the St. Louis Public Schools. Very soon I will be in different buildings every day, entering rooms of 28 13-year-olds. Do you have any advice on classroom management; how to wield authority in a one-day situation?
Charles A. Summers: That's a tough question. My hat is off to substitute teachers- I think they have the most challenging job of any educators. Remember that the development issues of young adolescents play into all aspects of their lives. I think it is important that you come across as genuine, excited about being in their classroom, and interested in them as people.
One of the refreshing- yet frustrating- things about young adolescents is that they tend to say whatever is on their mind. Be prepared for that and don't let anything throw you.
Some of them may challenge you, but the more you are able to engage them in the lesson, and the more they see you as someone who is actively learning as well, the sooner they will be willing to work with you.
Evelyn Vuko: I'm also a substitute teacher and know first-hand the concerns you feel. One of the first things I try to find out is how the teacher I'm replacing typically disciplines his/her class. Though this is not something teachers leave in lesson plans for subs, I've often found out from another teacher or by asking that one subtitute-sympathetic kid you'll always find in every classroom. When I start their day by getting their attention the same way their teacher does, it always puts me on a better footing for the entire day.
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Richardson, Tex.:
What are some of the best "reward" and "punishment" I can adopt for my 10 year old son to make him a successful student?
Charles A. Summers: When I think of reward and punishment, I think of training my dog and the famous Pavlov experiments. I am glad you put the words in quotes. I think there are some prerequisites that need to exist before a child truly becomes a successful learner.
1) He must see you as a life-long learner.
2) You must help him understand that you learn as much if not more from things that don't go correctly as from things that go right.
3) You, his teachers, and him must work together to make education successful.
Make sure that you experience learning with him. Give him tasks that he will succeed in and also some that will be challenging and maybe he will "fail" with. Help him be a reflective learner and gain positive understanding from all experiences.
Also, extend his learning at home. Stay tuned to the curriculum and help add daily experiences to reinforce the learning at school.
Evelyn Vuko: I can't help myself here, I have to recommend that you read chapter four of my book, Teacher Says: 30 Foolproof Ways to Help Kids Thrive in School. This chapter is about how to discipline an unruly elementary-aged kid but the methods are easily adaptable to middle schoolers. In this chapter, you will examine your own disciplinary style. It also provides four different disciplinary methods to apply to a variety of situations. Methods in this chapter are based on some of the top classroom discipline experts in the country.
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Minneapolis, Minn.:
1. What major differences define boys'
and girls' experiences as they enter
middle school?
2. Growing research indicates a gender
achievement gap at the middle school
level due to asynchronous development
between the sexes. What can we do to
help boys narrow this gap and make their
experiences with school more positive?
Evelyn Vuko: Adolescent development begins later in boys and lasts longer than it does for girls. For girls, it typically begins at 11 and lasts until the age of 14. This lag and longer length of development surely can contribute to a difference in middle school experiences of boys and girls. Counselor Ann Vernon, in her book, "What Growing Up is All About" advises parents and teachers to help kids this age by disregarding and discarding steretypes about the terrible teenage years. Most kids this age, she says, weather this period successfully. And remember that hormone surges and growth spurts can be confounding and troublesome to kids and can prompt outbursts and misbehaviors. Remember that these outbursts are not directed at you, they are fueled from within. Be patient.
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Phoenix, Ariz.:
As an ADD Coach, I work with parents of ADD children to help navagate the school system to provide the best for their kids. Special Ed departments are generally supportive, but is there a peer support template that you know of and effective teacher workshops in middle school? So often the teachers don't understand ADD as a syndrome and how to reach these often very bright kids.
Thanks so much.
Warren
Charles A. Summers: There are indeed and you could get some sampling of them at the 31st NMSA Annual Conference and Exhibit. Go to www.nmsa.org and click on the annual conference link for further information.
In an effective middle school, ADD coaches as well as other special ed staff are integral parts of the teaming structure. It is important for these people to be part of the teaching teams and have input concerning the students and parents that they work with. I did not understand ADD until my youngest son was diagnosed with it and I lived through the experience as a parent. You are correct that a lot of teachers don't understand ADD. Workshops can help but the integration of all staff who work with students onto the teaching team is, to me, a very critical part.
Sometimes, special ed and exploratory teachers make up their own team but special care must be taken to keep interactive communication with the core teaching team.
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Owings, Md.:
My son started kindergarten at 4 - and as such, has been one of the younger kids in his grade. It hadn't been a problem for him in elementary school, but I am sincerely worried about him for middle school. Academically, he has always been strong - but never very confident in himself. But what I really worried about is emotional issues. He can't seem to stand up for himself when he's teased by other boys his age. Even friendly teasing by his best buddies gets him so upset. I don't want to turn him into a bully, but I have to think that he needs to develop a thicker skin. Any suggestions??
Charles A. Summers: To be successful, middle schools have to be successful for ALL students. The atmosphere and culture must be caring and safe- both physically and emotionally. Teasing is not productive and there is no proven way to make someone more resistant to teasing. My own son was subject to quite a bit of teasing and no amount of it ever made him more resistant.
When I witness adults teasing one another, the thought that usually enters my mind is "some people never grow up." Teachers, parents and everyone involved in the school need to understand that it is not a place where teasing is acceptable and part of creating a successful school is creating that climate where all students feel safe and thus have the most potential for success.
Evelyn Vuko: Does you son like to draw or doodle? If he does, I'd recommend a "cartooning" method developed by Carol Gray, Director of the Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding in Jenison, Michigan. Quite simply, when your son has a difficult social moment, sit side-by-side and have him draw the episode in cartoon-like segments. He can either write dialogue bubbles over the characters' head or he can orally narrate. This objectifies the situation and also gives you an idea of how he interprets information and processes non-verbal clues.
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Washington, D.C.:
I am a single-parent father who needs some suggestions as how to help my sixth grade daughter navigate through middle school. She seems to have discovered boys this summer and so middle school has a new social dimension that we have not dealt with before. Her clothes, her friends, her after school activities, and of course, the "hunks" in eight grade are all suddenly crucial to her. How can I tone down the social drama and get her to focus on the 3-R's again?
TT
Charles A. Summers: You are obviously not experiencing an isolated event. I went through the same experience with my daughter as have thousands of other parents. I also saw this type of behavior for 28 years and can honestly tell you that most all of them get through it fine. The only time I was in error with my own daughter was if I ever told her she absolutely could not do something. That seemed to make her want to do it even more.
I was a science teacher and for the most part, girls excelled in my class. I think a lot of it was due to the fact that our science curricula was inquiry based and activity oriented.
Effective teachers find ways to connect the learning with the interests of the students. Even in the middle school good teachers find a way to do this.
As a parent, you of course will have "rules of the house" that you expect her to abide by- including study habits and time spent socializing. You will help your cause by having your daughter be an active participant in setting those rules and expectations. If all the rules come down from you, she will be more apt to rebel and remember Dad that you and I "don't know what it's like."
So, engage your daughter in honest discussions of expectations and also in discussions about school. Stay in active contact with her teachers- not as a "spy" but as a parent who is genuinely concerned that his daughter get the best that life has to offer. You are her parent, not her friend, but it doesn't hurt for her to know that you stay in tune. I will never forget my eighth grade daughter saying "I didn't know Dad listened to the same music I do" She honestly saw me in a totally different light.
Evelyn Vuko: I always recommend that parents find a "mole" (I've been in Washington too long) among their child's friends; someone who's willing to share information about school and friends and social events. Just like there's always a substitute-sensitive kid in every classroom, every parent knows a friend of their child who spontaneously shares information. Capitalize on this willingness to share. It will give you another critical perspective on your daughter's world. The more perspectives you have, the wiser decisions you will make.
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Seattle, Wash.:
In my experience, junior high in the late 70s was the single worst time in my life. The bullying that I received was brutal, ongoing, and largely ignored by adults.
Does the kinder, gentler middle school address this?
Evelyn Vuko: I think there is a much more sensitivity and attention being paid to bullying in general. No one believes, like they did in the past, that bullying is just part of growing up and we should all take our lumps. Forget that. Many educators and school systems are making concerted efforts to address bullying with closely-monitored, school-wide programs. One of my favorite experts on bullying is Dorothea Ross, PhD. Take a look at her book called: Childhood Bullying and Teasing: What School Personnel, Other Professionals and Parents Can Do.
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Fairfax, Va.:
My nephew just started middle school and well, he's not my "little" nephew anymore!; As the cool and hip aunt, what could I do to provide him support through his pubescent years? He likes to play basketball, music and video games. His parents are already on him about schoolwork and grades. He's a smart kid -- does well on tests and homework is tedious. And I don't think he's into or not too sure about any interest in girls yet.
Charles A. Summers: Encourage his interests. You say he likes basketball and music- does he play on a middle school team or band? At this age kids are into extending their interests and seeking new endeavors and experiences. If he does participate in an activity that involves public displays (games, concerts, etc) make sure that you attend. Young adolescents are really impressed by the fact that people they care about take an interest in what they do (even if they sometimes don't openly show it.)
Try to ensure that he does not feel like school and his favorite activities are separate from one another. A successful education includes many things far beyond the three R's, yet interestingly connected.
Somehow stay connected with the activities and curriculum of the school. Really creative and successful students are making all student work (including homework) engaging and connected to the real world.
Feel free to participate in things like video games with him and use that opportunity to set an excellent example. THere is a time and place for them but people with the right perspective don't get "addicted" to them.
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Fairfax City, Va.:
My daughter was a victim of "girl bullying". She is a very outgoing and assertive person and I was surprised that this happened. We talked about it and I gave her some suggestions on how to rememdy it which, surprisingly enough, she did. They involved confronting the bullier, letting her know she didn't appreciate the treatment and in the future keep her opinions to herself and if she has a problem, deal with it with her. I was a victim of girl bullying and did not handle myself as well as my daughter. Is there anything we as parents can do with the teachers to combat this problem? Its so covert that the girls are getting away with it. Do teachers want to know? How do they handle it?
Evelyn Vuko: Your daughter should be congratulated and perhaps encouraged to share her techniques with other students, either through writing about it or acting as peer mentor. If you think it's something she'd like to do, consult her school counselor as to how her successful handling of this situation might help others. I think one of the most effective things parents can do is share these kind of experiences with teachers. Many school anti-bullying programs include role-playing as a means for kids to understand and deal with the dynamics of the bully/victim situation. And if reality TV is teaching us anything at all (don't get me started) it might be that people pay more attention when there's a grain of truth behind the lesson.
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Silver Spring, Md.:
My son's elementary school goes up to 6th grade so I get an extra year. I have heard from friends and parents of kids that did great in high school and beyond that middle school was the time that many kids just messed up and did not do well. It was as if they were allowed to get off track academically while there bodies adjusted to hormonal and other changes. What are some of things that happen in middle school?
Charles A. Summers: I certainly hope that middle schools don't let students get off track academically while they are adjusting to all the changes. I think, realistically, that kids have trouble in middle school simply because of all the changes they are going through. Another big factor is whether or not they have teachers who are dedicated to working with this age group and are trained to do so.
Some of the comments and questions today relate to some of the negative aspects, although successful schools work diligently to not allow things like bullying, hazing, teasing etc.- whether it be in the classroom, hallway, school grounds, or on the way to and from school.
Creating the smallness within the bigness can really help eliminate the negatives.
For what it's worth, the culture of a successful middle school includes:
1) educators who value working with this age group and are prepared to do so;
2) courageous, collaborative leadership
3) a shared vision that guides decisions
4) an inviting, supportive and safe environment
5) high expectations for every member of the learning community
6) students and teachers engaged in active learning
7) an adult advocate for every student
8) school-initiated family and community partnerships.
Don't be afraid of your child's experience in middle school, but do get connected with the school long before he gets there to make sure it is truly a successful school for young adolescents.
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Virginia:
It seemed new 9th graders are being hazed. How do you prepare for this when leaving middle school?
Charles A. Summers: Hazing should not be allowed in any form and if it is happening, enlightened folks need to talk with the school administration. There is really no way you can prepare someone for this and they should not be subjected to it. In our former district, it took people facing the problem and facing the administration to let them know it had to change. It did change. Input from district citizens is a great motivator for administrators.
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Evelyn Vuko: It doesn't surprise Al Summers nor me that bullying came up in this chat about middle school. It's the crowd, I'm afraid. No one, other than cancer researchers perhaps are so constantly making microscopic comparisons. Middle schoolers not only stare in horror at the changes occuring in themselves, they are staring and commenting on the same thing happening in their friends. It's enough to give everyone a tension headache. Hang in there, teachers, parents and kids...on the other side of this growingest and changingest stage lies the path to brighter, smarter, wiser days.
Charles A. Summers: Thanks for your questions today. They were very good and challenging. We are striving diligently to enhance middle grade education for all young adolescents. National Middle School Association has over 31,000 members and 58 state and international affiliates. We work with all who have a stake in middle grade education- including parents. We have many publications and free resources that deal with all aspects of working with young adolescents. Please visit our website www.nmsa.org and take a look at our online bookstore.
Also, don't hesitate to email me directly if I can be of any assistance to you. asummers@nmsa.org
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Evelyn Vuko: Thanks, Al Summers, for sharing your experience about these taxing but wonderful middle school years. Join me again September 21 to chat about forming an alliance with teachers.
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