Chatological Humor

Gene Weingarten (Richard Thompson - The Washington Post)

*Formerly known as "Funny? You Should Ask."

Gene Weingarten's controversial humor column, Below the Beltway, appears every Sunday in the Washington Post Magazine. He aspires to someday become a National Treasure, but is currently more of a National Gag Novelty Item, like rubber dog poo. He is also reputed to be close to persons thought to be familiar with individuals claiming to be authoritative spokesmen for the mysterious and reclusive Czar of The Style Invitational.

He is online, at any rate, each Tuesday, to take your questions and abuse.

He'll chat about anything.

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

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Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon.

On the very morning that a hurricane with the wrath of a thousand-megaton nuclear device or two hundred severely PMS-impaired Des Moines housewives was bearing down on Washington, unleashing the fury of a million newspaper clich?s, your humble correspondent was on a clandestine mission in the nation's capital.

This very morning I got in my car and drove to a prearranged location, where I was met by a man I will identify only by the code name "Rear Admiral Nipple." He had material for me of such a sensitive nature that fax and email were out of the question. This man entered the passenger seat of my car (this is all completely true) and passed to me a manila envelope. The deal was that I was to look at the material within, commit it to memory, and pass it back to him. I could not take notes, or duplicate it in any way. He probably had a sap in his pocket in case I tried anything funny. But I behaved.

Almost no one else has seen this stuff. No, not even Woodward. It was the first installment of Opus, the Sunday strip by Berkeley Breathed, scheduled for debut on November 23. Under the agreement, I am free to offer my opinion on the quality of the material but not disclose any details about its contents.

Well, it sucks.

Ha ha, no. No, that was deft humor, the irony of the unexpected. Episode one is extraordinarily good. If Breathed can keep it up when he doesn't have SIX WHOLE YEARS to draw eight panels, it promises the best illustration the comics pages have seen in a decade, and maybe longer than that, and maybe, ever. It is lush beyond all reason. I also laughed out loud, even though I had promised myself I would not, because I didn't want to give Nipple the satisfaction.

Elsewhere on the frivolity front, at the urging of several readers, I want to revisit something from last week, and come as close as I ever do to an apology. One poster, whose identity I do not know, clicked on the "Badgers" link, opined that it was not funny, and asked why I thought it was. I answered dismissively, essentially telling the guy he was a humorless prune. Well, he IS a humorless prune, but he was asking a reasonable question. As an editor of humor, I have always contended that if an attempt humor is actually funny, it can be explained; Kornheiser will attest to this obnoxious stance - many a time I killed a line from his column that I didn't like and he felt was hilarious but could not explain why. And so I am prepared to explain why "Badgers" is funny. I have written the explanation, and will paste it in later, after a few of you tell me why YOU think it is funny. Or not. Anyway, I apologize to the prune.

Lastly, it was an interesting comic week. Yesterday and today saw both the comic pick of the week (Pearls Before Swine, again. Mr. Pastis is becoming untouchable) and two of the most out-of-control, tasteless Boondocks McGruder has done to date. Aaron, if you are out there, get an editor. Find a sounding board. An adult with a wicked sense of humor, but an adult.

Also, I can't forebear directing you to Friday's Get Fuzzy. Can anyone tell me what the hell Darby was TRYING to say, and why the hell no one stopped him before this little puppy saw print? We censor a perfectly good Doonesbury and we run THIS?

Okay, let's hear it on Badgers.

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washingtonpost.com: Pearls Before Swine, (Sept. 15)
Pearls Before Swine, (Sept. 16)
Get Fuzzy, (Sept. 13)
Boondocks, (Sept. 15)
Boondocks, (Sept. 16)
Badgers

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Washingtondeecee: Your column is now, what three years old? What is the most valuable lesson you have learned in the last three years?

Gene Weingarten: This is easy! About three weeks ago I learned how to crack an egg so that the yolk NEVER EVER breaks when you fry it. Ever. Never. My wife taught me. She has been doing it for years, but I never watched. Any girl out there know this simple trick?

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Bloom County, Calif.: Hi Gene. Did you know I live in Montecito, Calif., just up the hill from the estate that J Lo and Ben were gonna get hitched -- true. We were going to throw water balloons down at the newlyweds for being, you know, morons, but they sort of did it themselves didn't they. Anyway, the secret I wanted to share with you is that it was Opus that broke the two up. Ben kept finding him hiding in the seat of her stretch pants. Explains many things, doesn't it. Anyone have any questions?

Gene Weingarten: Whoa. Okay, this is indeed Breathed. He's open for questions, apparently, and there is one I just got that couldn't be asked of a better person. So, it's coming up. Meanwhile, grab him when he's here. Berkeley tends to be both evanescent AND peripatetic.

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Friendship Heights, : Dear Chief of Chatology,

This thought has been hurting my brain for years, perhaps you (or someone) can help me out:

Why is it, during cartoons, the color of an object that is about to be animated (i.e. a cabinet door) is slightly different than a similar object that is remaining stationary? I used to think it was only in old school cartoons such as the Flintstones (because of the primitive animation process), but I've seen it on newer shows such as The Simpsons.

Please help -- I can't sleep at night.

Gene Weingarten: Berkeley?

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Chasti, TE: From your rival paper's Web site yesterday, the headline appeared: "Pope Accepts Resignation of Cardinal Sin"

Do you think we can pressure other sins to resign? I nominate sloth or gluttony. They don't really seem that bad.

Gene Weingarten: Yeah, Cardinal Sin has one of the great names of all time. Oh, speaking of great, I am forwarding below a recent email I got from a friend of a friend at the Atlanta Journal and Constitution.

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Gene Weingarten:
We are coming up on the 16th anniversary of the greatest correction ever to run in the Atlanta Journal and Constitution. It sprang from a story that ran in the old North Fulton Extra on Sept. 17, 1987 about a Girl Scout program aimed at teaching girls about careers, drug awareness and prevention of pregnancy and it contained
this passage:

Mrs. Hamby, who is entering her first year as a Cadette leader, but her fifth year as a troop leader, said troop
leaders are not experts on the new interests of Girl Scouts. So they take the girls on field trips where experts can present the information.
"It's not really a point where you sit down and talk to them about sensitive subjects," she said. Instead, troop
leaders take girls to places like a sperm bank where programs are designed to inform girls of sexual education in
terms they can understand.

A few days later the following correction was published:

A PARAGRAPH IN A STORY ABOUT GIRL SCOUTS IN THE THURSDAY EDITION OF THE NORTH FULTON EXTRA SHOULD HAVE STATED THAT TROOP LEADERS TAKE GIRLS TO PLACES SUCH AS FERNBANK SCIENCE CENTER, WHERE PROGRAMS ARE
DESIGNED TO INFORM GIRLS OF SEXUAL EDUCATION IN TERMS THEY CAN UNDERSTAND.

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Bloom County, Calif.: Why stuff looks different that is animated? Because it's handpainted hundreds of times and had nothing to do with the background painting... that might have been watercolored once by an entirely different monkey.

Gene Weingarten: Okay, then.

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Twenha, Fla.: I'm sure you realize that as goodwill ambassador to two very different locales, you're in a unique position to set up an exchange program of commerce, culture, etc. between Paris and Battle Mountain, Nev. Obviously Battle Mountain could give the Frenchies all the promotional deodorant, for which a grateful world would thank you, but what could the French give Battle Mountain?

Gene Weingarten: Good point!

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Boston, Mass.: Badgers is funny because badgers typically don't anything to do with mushrooms, or snakes, and don't typically bob up and down and sing a song to which the only word is "badgers." It's funny because it's so random and because the badgers are doing such unexpected things.

Also the song is kind of catchy. And neverending.

Gene Weingarten: Well, sort of.

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To Mr. B: Shouldn't we now conclude that this Lo Afflecktion was a complete sham designed to draw fans to their wretched, Gigless film; and once it was pulled from theatres there remained no reason to keep the charade going?

Gene Weingarten: For Berke---

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Badger, ME: 1. Small animals imitating humans, e.g., exercising, is funny.

2. The "dg" sound is funy.

3. Juxtaposition of badgers and fungi surprises one and is funny.

4. High-pitched voice when snake is seen is funny.

Gene Weingarten: Also sort of. Mine follows.

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Gene Weingarten: The best way to understand why Badgers is funny is to watch it with the sound off. With the sound off, it is merely mildly amusing, if that. This is the clue.

The humor in this, like the humor in everything, is derived from conflicting frames of reference. The images are completely silly and discordant, but the words are intoned with the gravity of a papal pronouncement. Sounds like David Byrne in "Psycho Killer." This discrepancy is the engine of the humor here. It is similar to why we laugh at the Department of Funny Walks, where Cleese is performing idiocies with extreme gravity, under the auspices of a government agency supposedly devoted to such things.

A second funny theme in Badgers is that the voice has the faintest hint of an Asian accent, and one gets the impression the narrator might not exactly KNOW this is funny. (Though he clearly does. This is very, very controlled.)

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Washington, D.C.: Re Tasteless Boondocks-- at least one of them has to be the Emmitt Till reference. I was floored. I like you observation that much humor is about commenting on the absurdities in life and I almost saw where MacGruder was driving at, but it still feels too soon to make light of the Till situation and all of what that represented for the era.

Gene Weingarten: Oh, he ran the gamut of tastelessness. Emmett Till, rape, OJ, etc. This is a rape charge. It is a serious rape charge. With injury. Allegedly. This is not grist for the comics pages, at least not that way. And comparing it to Emmett Till, egad.

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Take Me Out To The Ballga, ME: Gene,

In your chat last Monday you implied that women are incapable of understanding the game of baseball. You, sir, are way off base. I can tell you all about Texas leaguers and the infield fly rule and I guarantee that I am more woman than you will ever be able to handle.

Stick to the comics, bubba.

Gene Weingarten: Didn't mean to imply that. My daughter is an expert.

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Broken Yolk: That sounds like a town out west somewhere, doesn't it? Maybe next to Battle Mountain. Anyway, I've always cracked eggs against the countertop (as opposed to on the edge of a bowl or something) and I have never, ever broken a yolk unintentionally. Is this the lovely Mrs. Gene's trick?

Gene Weingarten: It is not. I can't see how that would work, because the breaking of the yolk is not about how you break the shell, but how it hits the pan after you break it.

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Gene Weingarten: Hey, Berkeley, I have a question. Was Binkley you? Berkeley, Binkley. Too coincidental?

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Bloom County, Calif.: Naw, the J lo Ben disaster was for real. I had a meeting with Bob Weinstein of Miramax set last Monday, then cancelled, re sched, then cancelled then rescheduled again. All because these two nutcases couldn't decide to get married and they kept calling Hwood to come, don't come, come. Meanwhile, 200 helicopters were circling over our house looking for the party. My 4-year-old daughter took off her clothes and waved, apparently understanding what community she lived in.

Gene Weingarten: Hahahaha.

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Some Other, PL: Acocdrnig to an elgnsih unviesitry sutdy the oredr of letetrs in a wrod dosen't mttaer, the olny thnig thta's iopmrantt is that the frsit and lsat ltteer of eevry word is in the crcreot ptoision. The rset can be jmbueld and one is stlil able to raed the txet wiohtut dclftfuiiy.

washingtonpost.com: Damn, you're right. All the time I've wasted editing...

Gene Weingarten: WOW. THIS IS GREAT! Where did you find this?

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Washington, D.C.: Every time I look at the Get Fuzzy strip, the dog seems to be upset or anxious or unhappy about something. (The one you link to is a good example). This seriously makes it difficult for me to read the strip. I can't stand the thought of a dog in distress about anything (it's much less upsetting to me if it's a person) -- so if that's portrayed in a comic strip, it detracts from whatever humor is there. I'm nuts, right?

Gene Weingarten: Yes, you are. See, what happens in the comics is not real! For example, the guy who gets hanged in the Wizard of Id all the time? He's often back the next week!

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IN,RI: Gene,
It's a beautiful day outside. Why the heck should I prepare for Isabel now?

Gene Weingarten: My wife was in the grocery store this morning getting water and only she and one guy were buying Isabel provisions. They struck up a conversation. They had something in common: They each had lived in Miami.

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I repeat from last week...: Berke, is Oliver gonna make any appearances? The computer world has exploded in his absence, I would imagine him to be a rival to Bill Gates by now.

Gene Weingarten: Yes, and what about Milo's Grandpa? Grandpa was my favorite Bloom County character. Is he dead? How did he die?

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Bloom County, Calif.: Was Binkley me? No no. Every female in the strip was me. The thing existed for me to explore my inner woman. Okay, yes a little me snuck into Opus. Okay, maybe a lot.

Gene Weingarten: Berkeley, do you remember the strip you did that I gave you the idea for? This is testing how many of your brain cells succumbed to the70s?

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Arlington, Va.: From a humor standpoint, is there any difference between the Badgers bit and the Hamster Dance web site? Yes, I know that the hamsters merely radiate a terrific lighthearted silliness while the badgers eminate a near-Sartre manic existentialism, but by your analysis the premise seems the same.

washingtonpost.com: Hamster Dance

Gene Weingarten: No, hamster dance is waaay too postured and controlled and cute.

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Undislcosed Location: Kindly explain to me why Griffy can't score any space space in the Sunday comics for Zippy, while Berkely Breathed comes back from retirement to a HALF PAGE.

And, seeing as you think Badgers is funny, any reasoning about Opus being funny and Zippy being unfunny merits you 5 weeks subbing for Levy.

Gene Weingarten: Well, I would say, personally, that Zippy is on thin ice in many of the papers he is in, so he has no clout. Berkeley here seems to be able to use extortion and get away with it! True, B?

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Gloom County: I just want Mr. Breathed to know that a foot high Opus doll, jokily sporting a "Washington power tie" and an "Elect Reagan" pin graced my college dorm room back in the heyday. It was our mascot, you could say. I know, we should never have done that to poor Opus. It was wrong. This is my mea culpa, of sorts.

Gene Weingarten: Whoa.

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Pick, ME: I know: Milo's grandfather, and Milo for that matter, were among several that were murdered by Garry Trudeau and his Doonesbury minionns.

Gene Weingarten: Could be. The man isn't talking.

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Laurel: Speaking of the OP, why hasn't anyone at the Post besides Fisher (on line) and Kurtz (in print) been talking more about their publisher's two-page ad claiming that every deceased former President considers him the Messiah.

Kind of hard to imagine Donald or Katherine Graham, Ben Bradlee or Warren Buffett doing anything like that.

Gene Weingarten: I have a column upcoming on this very subject.

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re: Take me out to the Ballga, ME: I am sure Gene meant it was FOOTBALL that women are incapable of understanding and appreciating. It is my deeply held belief (as a woman) that there is there is a vast international male conspiracy to make up stupid new rules every time the game gets anywhere near comprehensible to me.
Baseball is easy, and I love their outfits.

Gene Weingarten: My wife prefers baseball, but football uniforms. She, um, won't tell me why.

Did anyone catch MNF last night. Gad, what a game. The Giants should be forced to wear tutus today.

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Bloom County, Calif.: The old characters from Bloom County? I signed a confidentiality agreement with myself about this. I deeply apologize. I would however, in the tradition of self-promoting artists through the centuries, encourage all are curious about such things to write their very reluctant editors around the country to cut any comic strips drawn by dead people (Peanuts, Garfield) and make room for mine and others that actually show up for work. Hint: i gotta have SOMEBODY at a computer, much as I hate it.

Gene Weingarten: Aww. Well, just FYI, I have at least three posts here demanding the return of Steve Dallas. Just so you know.

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Prury, NT: I assumed the badgers, mushrooms, and snakes all had something to do with sex given the phallic shapes and your decision to post it in the context of last week's chat.

But, perhaps I just have a dirty mind. And clearly missed the joke.

Gene Weingarten: No, you were looking too hard.

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Bloom County, California: "Berkeley here seems to be able to use extortion and get away with it."

Gosh Gene, the e word wasn't the one that came to mind, but we, uh, use what we ride in with. The comic page is dying on the vine as we speak. It will die if it doesn't attract serious artists who do what it was designed to do: show drawings, not talking heads. I can't do this in the space things have come to. So we drew a line in the sand and have invited other artists serious about the A in art to do the same. It will cost us hundreds of papers. But its gonna look cool.

Gene Weingarten: It definitely looks cool. So, do you remember the strip I gave you the idea for or not? The readers of this chat will not be surprised when I tell em what it was.

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Get Fuzzy: Was it the line "Maybe you were whacking in your sleep" that you found incomprehensible?

Gene Weingarten: It wasn't incomprehensible, it was bizarre. It doesn't make sense! It was just vulgarity for no reason. As was the kicker. When Darby Conley does this, it's like a shanda for the goyim. All the prudes point and say, see, see how bad cartoonists are!

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Cracking eggs: To keep the yolk from breaking, crack the egg on a flat surface like the counter and not on the edge of the bowl. This also keeps small bits of egg shell from getting in the egg -- the edge of a bowl drives pieces of shell into the rest of the egg.

Gene Weingarten: No. What my wife does is crack the eggs into a bowl, and then tip the bowl into the frying pan. The egg oozes out into the pan, and no yolk is broken.

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For Berkeley: What did you think of Bill Watterson of Calvin of Hobbes? He took a stand for his comic, which is a lot like you're doing. Thanks.

Gene Weingarten: .

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re: Comics drawn by dead people: Ack! And Dennis the Menace. Funny 40 years ago, it had deteriorated long before Hank Ketchum died, but is now an utterly banal waste of ink and paper. Can't they make these things go away?

Gene Weingarten: As I have said before, they are afraid to. They are cowards. This is what Berkeley is trying to change. Me, too.

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Tanstaa, Fla.: Mr. Berkeley sir,
Will there ever be another animated Opus cartoon? "A Wish For Wings That Work" is far and above my most favorite holiday cartoon. I have an old video tape somewhere between six and nine years old that has that show on it, from the very first time it was aired.

If nothing else, will it ever be released on DVD? I'm sure I'm not the only one who would pay for it!

Gene Weingarten: .

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Bloom County, Calif.: "So, do you remember the strip I gave you the idea for or not?" -- Oh Christ, don't do this. NO. Humiliate me at your risk, pal.

Gene Weingarten: I knew it. I knew it. Too much partying between 71 and 73. It was the strip where Milo says you can tell a lot about a person by how his name can be anagrammed. Milo became "Limo." And Opus discovers he is "soup." This does not please him.

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Dallas, BC: The Steve Dallas character literally pulled me out of a mid-college funk when I was on my last nickel and ready to hang it all up and serve fries for the rest of my life.

Thanks, Berke.

Gene Weingarten: Just posting a bunch of these.

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Fairfax Station, Va.: For BB:

My son is at Savannah College of Art and design, majoring in "Sequential Art." Is he wasting his time and my money -- can he learn in college to do what you do?

Gene Weingarten: Sequential art?

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Lexington Park, Md.: Gene, you're quite right about the Badgers site. I clicked on the link and watched for a minute and didn't think it was that funny at all. I didn't even know it had sound. Then I turned on my speakers and everyone around me was laughing. I'd say the funniest part is when the singer reaches the higher notes during the snake show.

Gene Weingarten: There ya go.

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Eggsactly: Continuing channeling for the food chats -- And if you accidentally get any shell into the bowl, instead of chasing it about with a spoon, dip it out with another piece of shell -- they magically attract.

Gene Weingarten: WOW. Are you a girl?

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Bloom County, Calif.: "What did you think of Bill Watterson of Calvin of Hobbes?"

God. The savior of the artform. But like the candle that burns the brightest... blah blah blah. Poof. I have a drawful of the most amazing letters from his with the most shocking drawings on the bottom margin. Most of them were my characters getting hanged, blown up, run over by boats, etc. One has Bill the Cat with his hands over Daisy Mae's breasts. Cartoonists. Gotta love 'em.

Gene Weingarten: What you have in your drawers, as it were, may someday be worth a fortune.

Actually, this is another question: Do you realize that if you drew your characters in dishabille and compromising positions, somebody out there would pay you a LOT of money for it?

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Potty humor: Just wanted to let you know that at the intersection of D and New York Avenue, NE (roughly) there are two businesses:

PEEJAY dry cleaners

and

B & M Food Market

These are the business names verbatim.

washingtonpost.com: True story.

Gene Weingarten: I have, on my desk at work, a real photograph of a parking lot in some midwestern location. It has only three stores. The stores are Siemans furniture, Dick's hardware, and a hamburger joint named B.J.'s.

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Harry?: Gene, how's Harry? You haven't mentioned him lately, nor have I seen you in the nabe walking him.

Gene Weingarten: He's fine. His whole life has been changed by those glucosamine fish pills. He's like a young dog again, almost. Well, not really. But he plods and shuffles with slightly greater vigor.

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Boondocks: I have rarely seen a comic go downhill so fast. Is Magruder going through some sort of personal trauma or something? Even his art seems depressing.

Gene Weingarten: You know, I agree.

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S. Dallas, role model: I went to law school because I wanted to be like Steve Dallas. Well, to have his success with hot babes, that is.

Alas, I instead emulated his legal career.

Gene Weingarten: Noted.

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Lincoln Park: I almost got in trouble this week at work. Our think tank's president was rhapsodizing idiotically about his plans to have an promotional film made about our organization. I blurted out, "But how is that possible? Leni Riefenstahl just died!;" The only thing that saved me is that he had no idea who I was talking about.

Gene Weingarten: That is GREAT. I hope this is real.

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Wrangell, Alaska: Does Berke remember a little cabin in SE Alaska quite a few years ago that they spent the nite in and dried off? He left a drawing of Opus trying to find the flush lever in the outhouse as thanks. I am the proud owner of that drawing and cabin and he is welcome to come back ANY TIME.

Gene Weingarten: Man, I hope this is real. I am guessing it is because he says "Berke," which dates it. Is it real, B?

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IDS, IN: A blow-up of the strip where Milo does a touching telephone interview of a widow whose husband fell into a meatgrinder graced the walls of my college newspaper for several years.

Gene Weingarten: This is fun.

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Bloom County, Calif.: Opus animated: We're busy writing the Opus movie for Miramax/Dimension at this moment. It won't be Bloom County. BC couldn't support a movie, since it was less about characters than it was about attitude. But the flick will tell Opus's story, where he came from, how he got here. I simply could not fit in Bill the Cat with Donald Trump's head grafted on his neck. Or was it Bill Gates. The drugs did this to me.

Gene Weingarten: Now we know.

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Storm,IN: So Gene, what's funnier, the pointless media driven windup for the hurricane, or for the winter STORM OF THE CENTURY!;!; Which seems to induce more mass panic among the populace ?

Gene Weingarten: Well, offhand I would say this one is serious. I am not taking it lightly.

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Bloom County, Calif.: "What you have in your drawers, as it were, may someday be worth a fortune."

I'm going to goldleaf
this comment and hang on my wall above my Pulitzer Prize. They deserve each other. Thanks for letting me chime in. Let's continue this in more excruciating detail later.

Gene Weingarten: Excellent. Thanks for stopping by. Don't start taking yourself seriously, and you will remain great.

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Hotda, MN: Gene - you are obsessed with naked and semi- naked comic characters (mostly the ladies). DO you think this is healthy?

Gene Weingarten: No, it is not healthy. I never claimed it was healthy. Why, you got some to sell?

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Amphigo, RI: Will the comics editor be upset that YOU got Berke Breathed for your chat, and she gets Steve Moore? Nothing against Steve Moore, but wow, you done good.

washingtonpost.com: He sure did done good.

Gene Weingarten: Um, er, who is Steve Moore?

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Not Miami: OK, so you've lived in Miami. Should I tie down the teak porch furniture? How about the gas grill? Or are they going to be heavy enough to withstand the wind here?

Gene Weingarten: Seriously: Wait until about ten hours before it hits, and let the news be your guide. If they say the hurricane itself, at 80 mph or more, is going to sweep through where you are, take in all outside stuff. Grills, definitely porch furniture. Take it in, don't tie it down. I will.

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washingtonpost.com: Steve Moore's In the Bleachers

Gene Weingarten: Ah. This is not a bad strip.

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Bloom County, Calif.: "Does Berke remember a little cabin in SE Alaska quite a few years ago that they spent the nite in and dried off?"

Good god. Yes its real. It was the coolest moment of a boating trip. We found a cabin on shore in the Alaska wilds with a book inside inviting people to stay, build a fire, sleep on the bed -- just keep things tidy. I knew I wasn't in any one of the other 49 states... and it was sublime. Ten years later... thanks for the hospitality. I love the Web.

Gene Weingarten: Boy, I'm glad to hear this. And we'll go out on this one. (Sorry, I have a medical thing I am late for.)

See you next week. And thanks, Berke. GREAT debut strip.

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