In truth, Sunday's show delivered only 400,000 more 18-to-34-year-old viewers -- chump change in the broadcast TV business -- than last year's show.
And this was because the broadcast attracted more young female viewers, probably thanks to Beyonce and "Aviator" star Leonardo DiCaprio.
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Rock actually delivered 400,000 fewer 18- to 34-year-olds than the 2002 telecast, hosted by grandmother Whoopi Goldberg, while a whopping 1.6 million more turned up for the 2001 Oscarcast, hosted by Martin, who was then in his mid-fifties.
Also contributing to Sunday's dampened numbers: virtually no surprises. Hilary Swank, Best Actress; Jamie Foxx, Best Actor; "Million Dollar Baby," Best Picture, all as forecast by the Golden Globes and critics.
Which is not to say the show was devoid of excitement. There was the mystery of Beyonce singing three of the five nominated songs. Billboard reported that she had stepped in for Minnie Driver on one song because Minnie discovered a "scheduling conflict."
Do you believe that? Me neither.
And how about John Travolta's Chia Pet hair? Three nights earlier, Travolta, sporting a very short haircut, appeared on David Letterman's show to promote his new movie. As an Oscar presenter, his hair appeared to have grown about four inches. This would not cause alarm in Hollywood, where hair idiosyncrasies are commonplace, but in Washington it's another matter entirely, particularly when talked about on-air by hair-challenged TV, radio and Washington Post personality Tony Kornheiser -- did we mention he has a CBS sitcom based on his home life? Put on the case, we called Travolta's publicist who issued a terse "no comment." To be perfectly accurate, his publicist's secretary issued the "no comment" because, it seems, Travolta's publicist is the Wizard of Oz, who does not grant audiences to just anyone.
Nearly four months later, the Federal Communications Commission officially pronounced ABC's Veterans Day broadcast of the critically heralded war movie "Saving Private Ryan" to be not indecent.
Make no mistake about it, the film contains "numerous expletives and other potentially offensive language generally as part of the soldiers' dialogue," the FCC noted in its proclamation.
But "in light of the overall context in which this material is presented, the commission determined it was not indecent or profane," the five-member panel decided unanimously. Some of the complaints the FCC had received on the broadcast, which opens with an extremely graphic depiction of the D-Day invasion, cited language, others violence.
"This film is a critically acclaimed artwork that tells a gritty story -- one of bloody battles and supreme heroism," FCC Chairman Michael Powell said in his statement on the decision. "The horror of war and the enormous personal sacrifice it draws on cannot be painted in airy pastels."
Airy pastels? Who does he think he is -- James Lipton?
But wait, there's more:
"The true colors are muddy brown and fire red," Powell continues, adding for good measure that "any accurate depiction of this significant historical tale could not be told properly without bringing that sense to the screen."
