Words to the Wise

Dummies: As uneven as readers' mental state. Pun alert: Know the "shape urine."

Dummies, it seems, like "straight talk from real people," permission to skim ("you won't miss anything by skipping around"), short chapters, subheads, lists and repetition. Dummies like reassurance -- the phrase "don't worry" appears nearly as often as the word "hormone."

Apparently, dummies like dopey little icons in the margins. That tiny time-bomb that shouts "WARNING!" tips you off to "potential problems or threats to your health." There's an icon for MEDICALESE and one for TECHNICAL STUFF "that generally can be classified as dry as a bone." And the picture of a finger with a string tied around it actually says "REMEMBER." (We must really be dummies.)

The dumb approach works for me when the use of everyday analogies makes things clear or memorable. Like this: "Have you ever noticed how you don't really pay close attention to directions of where you're going when you're the passenger in a car? You only start to worry about every exit number and stop light when you're the one behind the wheel. Well, menopause is like that. We all hear about menopause and menopausal symptoms, but we rarely pay much attention to the particulars until it's our turn."

Or this: "Your ovaries don't retire; they experience a career change."

Or this classic, punny line: "Understanding the shape urine."

But dumb doesn't work for me when it's trite or trying too hard. Like this: "Remember puberty (vaguely)? Remember the crying jags, the mood swings, and the 'what's wrong with my skin!' trauma? Well, guess what? They're b-a-a-a-ck." Or this subhead: "Knowing when you're fertile, Myrtle."

Or this on vaginal atrophy: "When we hear atrophy, we think of those plump little worms that get stranded on a sidewalk after a rainstorm and end up dried out and dead." Roll over, Dr. Freud!

And dumb doesn't work when it's painfully obvious. Like this: "Migraine headaches are like everyday headaches, but they're a whole lot worse." Yeah.

Still, the lengthy section on hormone therapy -- 87 pages broken up into five chapters -- includes lots of welcome basics. It defines unopposed estrogen therapy, combination therapy and selective estrogen receptor modulators (SERMs), "the stealth bombers of the hormone therapy world." These "manufactured designer drugs" don't contain estrogen. Rather, "they stimulate estrogen receptors in the bone, brain and cardiovascular system, but block the receptors in the breast and uterus." The benefits without the drawbacks? Not quite yet, but expect to hear more about SERMs soon.

Despite the ups and downs of "Menopause for Dummies," the book's checklists and research summaries provide a reasonably good overview of what's ahead -- and my gyno was right, it's not pretty. We can look forward to elevated risks of cancer, heart disease and osteoporosis; the joys of post-menopausal sex (sounds steamy, doesn't it?); and the agony of atrophied and prolapsed parts.