In an aft pool, a pony-tailed passenger named Jonathan tells me he's bored and compares the QM2 unfavorably with Royal Caribbean's Voyager of the Seas, whose "shopping promenade is amazing." On a snorkeling excursion, a Floridian named Rhonda announces that she feels as if she's "vacationing in a nursing home." Other guests kvetch about the service, the food, the decor, the lack of those creepy games found on other Caribbean cruises. No belly-flop or hairy-back contests on the Queen Mary 2, thank you veddy much.
And while we're at it, there are no ice sculpture demos, flashy midnight buffet extravaganzas, singing waiters or towels twisted into animal shapes to greet you in your cabin each night.

Sitting on the deck of the Queen Mary 2 as it passes through the Eastern Caribbean.
(John Deiner - The Washington Post)
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A QM2 Hit Parade
You can spend a week on the Queen Mary 2 and do nothing but race from one activity to another. So how to choose? Here are nine sure-fire activities.
Go to the library. With magazines, Internet-for-a-fee and more than 8,000 volumes ranging from travel guides to classics, the QM2' s library -- the largest afloat -- is not only beautifully appointed but functional.
Have an afternoon drink at the Commodore Club. This intimate U-shape room tucked on Deck 9 toward the bow features a bar adorned with a giant model of the ship, but go for the amazing views.
See both planetarium shows. Two starry extravaganzas are in repertory at the Deck 3 Illuminations theater, and both dazzle. You need a free ticket for a set time, so pick it up in the morning on days at sea or risk losing out.
Have lunch at the Golden Lion Pub. The pub grub (fish and chips, bangers and mash, etc.) isn't widely publicized in ship literature, and it's only served from 11 .a.m. to 2 p.m., but the food -- fried up fresh and served piping hot -- is smashing.
Sun at the Splash Pool. If you like your privacy, head to the top deck toward the bow, where you'll likely have this pool and its hot tubs to yourself.
Buy a Spa Club Passport. Services at the Canyon Ranch spa range from expensive to stratospheric in price, but a one-day pass to its spectacular Aqua Therapy Centre (pools, spas, saunas) starts at $19. A better deal: the three-day pass for $49.
Eat at Todd English. The Deck 8 view isn't great (pool chairs and a bar), but the service, food and plush decor make Todd's a QM2 highlight. It's $20 extra per person for lunch, $30 for dinner, but worth it. Book early; there's a reservations kiosk right before you get on the ship.
Go to Big Band Night. Find out when the Queens Room Orchestra will be cranking out Tommy Dorsey and Co., then put on your dancing shoes. It's the ship's most elegant affair, and it's plumb wonderful.
Buy a poster. Hermes and Veuve Clicquot champagne are duly represented aboard, but the top souvenirs are the vintage Cunard posters ($30) in the bookshop on Deck 8.
-- John Deiner
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No one gripes about the accommodations, however. The QM2 has some of the largest cabins at sea, and more than 78 percent have ocean views. Our Deck 4 digs come with a window, a king-size bed with comforter and duvet, more closet space than we need and an adorable attendant named Adelina, who rustles up a spare chair for us when we notice that ours has gone missing.
It's not until the final formal night -- there are three, with tuxes far outnumbering dark suits -- that someone puts things into perspective for me. Mercedes and Marco Eugenio of Bonita Springs, Fla., are sitting at the bar in the Chart Room, the ship's premier pre-dinner watering hole, when Marco lifts his glass and toasts to "a remarkable cruise."
If there's a more handsome couple on board, I haven't seen them. Mercedes, who swears that she and Marco have been married 50 years (I still have my doubts), brushes off the idea that people are unhappy. I have, evidently, just been talking to the wrong people.
"I've traveled all over the world, and this is a magnificent ship," she says. "People who complain are spoiled brats."
Because of its size, the QM2 must anchor offshore during its first port call in St. Thomas, so guests shuttle back and forth to town in lifeboats. It's a complicated, almost comical operation. We wait about 40 minutes for a lift into Charlotte Amalie, then walk onto a waiting tender when our snorkeling trip is over.
We dock offshore again in St. Maarten and St. Kitts (the latter because of high winds), but by this time the QM2 has us firmly in its grasp. Why leave? Our only views of the islands are from our lounge chairs on Deck 7.
The ship is eerily serene on these days. The pools -- whipped by gusts of 40 mph on the steam south -- are nearly deserted, with the few young families aboard cavorting in the kiddie area at the lower aft. Waiters hustle about pushing the Drink of the Day (mai tais to pina coladas, a steal at $3.75), but there are few takers. Besides us, that is.
We watch the planetarium show -- projected onto a dome in the art-deco Illuminations theater -- in near-solitude, and find that the universe is even lonelier when there's no one sitting close by. At the Golden Lion Pub, fish and chips and a pint of Guinness are whisked to the table at lunchtime; on subsequent sea days, there's not only a wait for our food but for a table as well.