Mad in America

Dear Miss Manners:

We have been invited to a dinner party and I know they are serving pork ribs. My husband does not like pork or beef. Do I tell the hostess to avoid embarrassing him or not? If he is not eating them, she will want to know why.

Why?

No, not why he doesn't like pork ribs. Miss Manners can think of a multitude of reasons, and is not wildly excited to know which happen to be his.

Her question is why the hostess will want to know, or why you are so sure that she will ask. It is rude to monitor what the guests are eating. But you are probably right, people do that.

So the question is why your husband need be embarrassed, and the answer is that he needn't. If asked, he should reply, "Thanks, I'll skip them, but would you pass that delicious salad, please?"

Feeling incorrect? E-mail your etiquette questions to Miss Manners (who is distraught that she cannot reply personally) at MissManners@unitedmedia.com or mail to United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.

© 2004, Judith Martin