"For adolescents therapy is much more like adult therapy, though family work is often critical. For younger kids, they actually expect therapists to talk with parents.
"But sometimes we need to let kids know that we have to discuss things with parents when we find information that is disturbing, such as suspected abuse, neglect or other situations that may be dangerous."
Liz McMahan and her son Brendan, 5, above and working on a puzzle at left, go to a family therapist to help cope with a recent separation from her husband. "We call him the doctor of feelings or the happiness doctor," she says.
(Ricky Carioti -- The Washington Post)
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Ultimately, though, kids do need to feel that they are in a safe, protected space, he says.
Don't judge therapists by whether there are toys, games or other props in the office, specialists advise. Rather, look at how thorough their evaluations are, how respectful and emotionally sensitive they are to your concerns and how much time they give you, Beresin says. Before starting your child in therapy, check with your health insurance provider regarding how many visits are covered. Sometimes a primary-care doctor or your employee benefits office can be helpful in attaining more services than would be normally authorized for your child, Robb says.
McMahan found her son's therapist through a friend who is friendly with the counselor and told her that he specializes in family issues. But she didn't select him to treat her son until she met him personally and liked his manner.
"He is unassuming, unaggressive and laid-back," she says, adding that "he's not sugary sweet and doesn't say things to Brendan like 'Oh, you're such a big boy.' "
Once you think you've found a person with the right expertise who can connect with your child, don't assume your involvement is over. You can play a part in building the relationship.
That's the role McMahan sees for herself. After her initial solo meetings with the therapist, she accompanied Brendan for a couple of sessions. Now Brendan has grown to like the therapist and goes to him on his own.
"We call him the doctor of feelings or the happiness doctor," his mother says. "I tell Brendan he goes to him to talk about how to be happy."
