Life at Work Live

Amy Joyce

Washington Post columnist Amy Joyce writes Life at Work on Sundays in the Business section and appears online every Tuesday to offer advice about managing interpersonal issues on the job.

The transcript follows below.

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

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Amy Joyce: Good morning, all. It's Tuesday, which means it's time to talk about your life at work. As always, join in with your own advice and stories to help your fellow readers.

Sunday's column was about job searching while pregnant. And I have a question for you for a future column: Have you ever been in an embarrassing/uncomfortable situation with your boss or co-workers? You were asked to share hotel rooms during a conference, for instance, and you're a snorer. Tell me about it at lifeatwork@washpost.com.

With that, let's chat.

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Los Angeles, Calif.: Thank you for taking my question. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I started searching for a more flexible job. At the same time, I negotiated with my current employer for an extended leave. My due date is a few weeks away, and I have an offer on the table for a new job. Here's my question... should I resign from the old job or even give managers there a heads up? The new job doesn't start until the fall, which is about the same time my maternity and extended leave will end at my current job. Thanks for your help.

Amy Joyce: I don't think it's fair to take leave from your employer, having them pay for it, when you have no intention of staying. If you are sure you are leaving and going to a new job, you have to cut the ties and lose your maternity leave now. There may be a chance your current employer will suggest you still take some of the leave you earned, but I think you need to be honest here.

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Washington, D.C.: I just found out I got a new job! But I haven't told my boss yet. What's the best way to break the news to a great supervisor?

Amy Joyce: Figure out when you want to leave, and at about two weeks or so, ask your supervisor to meet with you. Explain that you got a job offer, how much you appreciated your experience at this job, but you felt it was time to move on because X.
Offer at least two weeks noticed before you go, and a telephone number in case they have any emergency questions about your job for your replacement.
And remember that supervisors are used to this. Good luck and congrats.

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San Francisco, Calif.: Hi there. I work in a small office where you can pretty much hear everything and I have a particularly nosy, know-it-all neighbor. One of those people who will rush over to add her two cents to a conversation that doesn't include her. For example, I just got off the phone w/someone and she came over to comment immediately after I hung up. I don't dislike her exactly, but I don't trust her and wouldn't want her to know even the most innocuous detail about my life inside OR outside work. Plus, I'm a capable, experienced 36-year-old, and she's a 25-year-old who has never worked any other job. She has been with the company longer than anyone else and her knowledge can be helpful sometimes -- like when I needed to know the process for submitting expenses -- but she fancies herself the resident expert on everything. I think she is just young and insecure, but I can forgive that only so much. Our boss, meanwhile, is rarely in the office and thinks the sun rises and sets on her. Any negative comment would fall on deaf ears. He's not good at people skills anyway. How can I get her to mind her own business without creating an enemy who'll badmouth me to the boss?

Amy Joyce: You need to call her on things as they happen. When she came up to you today to insert her opinion on your phone call, you could say nicely enough: Thanks, but I can handle this on my own. Or Thanks, but that was a call between me and X.
Anyone ever deal with someone like this successfully?

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Potomac Falls, Va.: I am currently looking for a new job. My managers do not know I'm looking for a new job. When going on interviews, what is my responsibility? On one hand, I don't feel it's prudent to tell my managers that I'm interviewing for new jobs. On the other hand, I don't want to lie. How should something like this be handled?

Amy Joyce: Don't tell you managers that you are interviewing for jobs. It just causes problems, plus, you don't know you're going to *get* a job. Just make sure you do things properly: Don't use company resources to help your job search. Don't fake sick to go on an interview. Do it on your own time, take vacation days to interview, or try to interview before your day starts.
You're under no obligation to tell your employer you are looking.

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Washington, D.C.: Dear Amy,
I work for a small NGO, and part of my job requires writing project status reports to our funders. I sent the last report to my boss for final review, as usual. Today, I came across a commercial industry publication and discovered my report - word for word - under my boss's byline. I'm a little irked - shouldn't he have offered me the byline on my own work, or at least let me know he was using it for another purpose?

Amy Joyce: You should be more than a little irked. Time for you to go talk to your boss and ask what's up and why you got no credit for your article.

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Rockville, Md.: How do I handle a workplace situation where I work on a project team and must share (temporary) office space with other people. I'm a loner (for good reason) and other people's manners sort of irk me (failed manners).

Besides psychotherapy and looking for "loner type" work, do you have any suggestions?

Amy Joyce: Yes, work on yourself. Get ye some headphones so you can block out others' chatter. Remember it's an office and you're on a team. So dealing with people comes right along with that. You need to learn how to best handle it so you don't have coming into work every day. And remind yourself it's temporary.

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Washington, D.C.: I have been interning at the same organization for about 2 years now. I am going to graduate this semester and would love to have a full time position where I am currently working. I am confident that my supervisors are very satisfied with my performance. How do I bring this up with my boss? Should I just assume that if they were interested they would offer me a position? Or should I ask them about it, and what should I say?

Thanks!

Amy Joyce: Never just assume! The more proactive you are, the better. Ask your boss if you can schedule a meeting, then explain that you're graduating soon and you really love working there. Ask if there is any possibility that you can stay on. Your boss might not know yet, but at least you'll get a sense if there is any possibility.

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Burlington, Vermont: Hi Amy, thanks for taking my question. I share a small office with a coworker and lately he has been falling asleep at his desk a lot. When he first started with our company, he had this problem and it turns out that one of his medications needed to be adjusted. I have made a few comments like "sleepy today" or saying something like "how you doing?" whenever I walk in the office and see him snoozing. But he's still doing this constantly, and I am concerned it is due to a health problem and also annoyed by it. How on earth can I delicately broach this subject with him? Would it be OK to send him an e-mail saying I'm concerned? He works earlier hours than I do, so I could send it after I leave for him to read alone when he comes in the next day. Can you tell I don't want to have a face-to-face conversation with him about this?

Thanks for any advice you can give.

Amy Joyce: Seems to me like a little face-to-face would be ok. I realize you don't want to do it, but it would be easy. Just say that you noticed this lately, and you're concerned. Ask if everything is ok. It might kick him into gear to go see a doctor. Also, if he told you about this problem earlier (i.e.: you knew one of his medications needed to be adjusted), then I think it's completely fair to approach him now.

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Alexandria, Va.: A co-worker in a cubicle near mine snacks all day long. The problem is that she is a very noisy eater. I can hear her smacking her lips and chomping all the time. She even eats while on the phone with clients!

This is driving me nuts. I want to speak to her about it but, from what I have observed from her other behavior, I don't think she would take it well. Help!

Amy Joyce: Might be time for you to get yourself a pair of headphones to block out her smacking. I wish it was as easy as telling her to eat only in the kitchen, but it sounds like that won't do any good. If you think you can ask her to move the feast nearer to the mini fridge, try it. Otherwise, I think you have to find ways to block it out.

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New York City (formerly from D.C.): Hi Amy -

I thought of you and this chat when I visited D.C. this weekend. I always thought that everyone talks about work everywhere (as people often ask if this is a D.C. thing or everywhere.)

On Friday, my friends and I went to a bar crawl in Georgetown, where we met another girl and her fiance who joined our group. The girl (whom we had never met before) immediately says she hates how everyone in D.C. is "so cutthroat about work", and then asks us for career advice (like we have any) for 2 hours on a Friday night.

Maybe that's an extreme case, but it seemed to illustrate what many people on this chat wonder about.

Amy Joyce: Yes, I think everyone thinks about work everywhere, but D.C. is a special beast, I believe. I realize this when I go back to visit family in Pittsburgh (go Steelers!) where everyone works incredibly hard, but talk is rarely about work. Why do you think D.C. is so work centric? And moving from D.C. to NYC, do you see a big difference beyond your Friday night experience?
I wrote a column about this a while ago. Let me see if we can find it. I'll post it next week if I remember.

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Anonymous: HELP... I just came back from a one-week vacation. With Monday being a holiday and the office being shut down on Thursday due to our proximity to the inaugural parade I am feeling overwhelmed with catching up. So far I have only managed to get through my e-mails (only 150 thank goodness!) and respond to the one or two "critical" e-mails. Do you have any tips on getting back into the swing of things after a vacation and facing a short workweek?

Thanks!

Amy Joyce: Make a list of what you need to do right now. Realize that Thursday is a bust. Just delete all but the important e-mails. Clear out voicemail. Prioritize. Then jump in. I love that you're here visiting us on this chat, but it may not be the best use of your time right now... (Did I just say that?)

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Arlington, Va.: Hi there,

Thank you so much for your column on Sunday! To the first questioner... have you approached your current employer about increased flexibility? They may be willing to accommodate you -- of course; you may want to leave for other reasons.

I would like to briefly share my experience with job searching while pregnant, as it has a happy ending! I got pregnant right after being laid off from a job I loved, spent six months looking for a new job, and was about to stop the job search when I had an interview. I had already decided this would be my "last" interview before the baby. I was still able to hide my pregnancy at 6 months. I got offered the job, told them I was expecting, and the first thing out of my wonderful boss's mouth was, "Well, there are a lot of things about this job that are conducive to telecommuting..." We worked out a win/win situation and almost 3 years later I work full time... from home 3 days/week, and in office 2 days. I had a 6-week maternity leave, which is short but the telecommuting option made it palatable. It's a constant juggle, and my life might be easier if I worked full time from office, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It has really worked out well and I consider myself to be extremely lucky. Obviously, the non-profit organization that I work for is very family-friendly!

washingtonpost.com: Life at Work (Post, Jan. 16, 2005)

Amy Joyce: That's great to hear. Thanks for sharing. And you're right. The first poster should check into options within her present company, if she feels like it's the place she wants to be.

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Reston, Va.:

Hi Amy,

I am sure you may have answered a question similar to mine over the course of your informative chats, but here it goes anyway... how do I tell a coworker that they wear too much scent or cologne? My situation is somewhat more difficult, as the person I share office space with is an openly gay male who prefers to use women's perfume.

I have mentioned the situation to my supervisor, and was told that the situation was precipitous in that the employee in question would probably claim a gay bias if his use of women's perfume were made a work-related issue.

I am ready to quit my job if this situation doesn't get resolved! I don't mind a small amount of perfume, but you can smell this person from 20 feet away. By the way, I do not have an allergy to perfumes. I just don't care to work in an environment that reminds me of a department store cosmetics counter.

Amy Joyce: You're making a much larger issue out of this that you need to. It doesn't matter what type of scent your co-worker wears, and the issue has nothing to do with sexual preference. In a perfect world, you would have gone to your co-worker first. You didn't. Go to him now, and say that you know this is often a personal preference, but strong smells bother you, and you wondered if he could tone it down a bit since you work so closely together. Put yourself in his shoes. I bet he has no idea it's that strong...

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Rockville, Md.: Any idea if there are laws about how warm my employer has to keep it in here? It's an office, not a refrigerator! Both yesterday and today, we've all been sitting here wearing our coats, shivering! (Started the day at about 55F, and usually by the end of the day is up to say, 69F, but it takes ALL day. Right now it's 65F) Unfortunately, it's only in one part of the building, so the people who make decisions like "let's all go home" aren't cold... but I need some kind of recourse! Suggestions?

Amy Joyce: Hey, guess what? I'm wearing gloves right now. (If you're wondering why it's taking me a little longer to type)... It's freezing in here today.
Unfortunately, I don't think there are any laws regarding office temperature. But you can tell your boss you're having a hard time working in such cold conditions. Or ask if you can bring in space heaters. You should be able to work in a comfortable environment.
Right now, we're being told our cold air is being worked on. If I could cross my fingers, I would.

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Washington, D.C.: In my previous job of 14 years, a colleague was having an affair with her married boss. The department head put up with it for a year or so, but when there was an ethics clean-up company wide, he had to move her. She was given my position. They offered me her job and I turned it down (I wouldn't work with her slimy cheating boss) so I was given a seat at a desk without much to do. Needless to say I left as soon as I could. Now I am interviewing again (the second job didn't work), I usually say that there was a restructuring of our office and I wasn't happy with what I was offered. I think this still leaves people wondering as to why a long time employee wasn't valued enough to be kept on. Is there a better way to explain this?

Amy Joyce: Oh dear. That's a tough situation. I think the way you describe it is reasonable. If your interviewers ask other questions, then go on to say it was also a very uncomfortable environment and you were looking forward to moving on. I think most employers would understand that you don't want to trash your former employer and will let it stand at that.

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Anywhere, USA: Brief rundown... like company, but dislike current job and supervisor. Took this job on the rebound when I should probably have made career switch. There have been issues. Position in present company in different dept. that is more in line with my interests/qualifications has come up. I'd like to hear experiences and perspectives on this situation from disinterested parties. Thanks for your input.

Amy Joyce: Disinterested parties, answer away.
I think it's fine and smart for you to apply for what you actually want to do. One life, right?

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Anywhere, USA: Hi Amy!

(I am submitting early due to Tuesday a.m. meetings.)

I got my degree last fall, finished out the year with my current employer, and did lots of research. Now I'm ready to make a move. I've identified a firm where I think I'd like to work, and things look good after initial interviews.

We are trying to set up the next round of interviews, and here's my dilemma... the firm is headquartered in L.A. with offices in D.C. and New York. I live in N.Y., and the vice president interviewing me is in D.C. He has talked to me about taking a senior role in the N.Y. or D.C. office, but my husband and I want to relocate to L.A. (we wanted to move there to be closer to family even before I finished my degree). I have dropped a couple hints ("my husband and I are considering a move to L.A." or "I'll be in Los Angeles next week - is there anyone in that office I should follow-up with?") but so far, the VP has not mentioned L.A. at all.

This firm is great, and I really like the VP, but we want to move to Los Angeles. Can I help the VP understand that I really want to work in the L.A. office, and position myself for a spot there, or is this just a lost cause -- N.Y. or nothing?

Any advice would be appreciated - thanks so much!

Amy Joyce: Interview first. Then ask about the possibility of moving to the L.A. office. You can even bring that up in the first interview, during the "What questions do you have for us" part.

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Washington, D.C.: Ready to quit over perfume? Yowza. The job market must be getting better! Thanks for giving some perspective!

Amy Joyce: Yeah. Sounds to me like there might be more than just a perfume issue here.

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RE: D.C. and work: I think people in D.C. talk about work so much because so many people come to D.C. precisely because of their work. D.C. draws workaholic people from all over the country, who then have few roots here other than their jobs. I suspect that people in Pittsburgh are more likely to have grown up around there or to have other ties to the local community.

Amy Joyce: I think that's very true. D.C. is a land of work. You're right: People come here, often, specifically for the jobs.

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RE: Freezing in Rockville: My condolences to Rockville. Glad I have a union contract that stipulates the acceptable temperature ranges in my office.

Amy Joyce: Really? That's in your union contract? Can you e-mail me at lifeatwork@washpost.com? That's interesting stuff.

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Washington, D.C.: Hi Amy,
About the scent question, I have a similar problem. My coworker uses a hand lotion that is incredibly strong and triggers my allergies (if you can call my throat closing an "allergy"). I had asked her repeatedly not to use that hand lotion, but she just kept saying she forgot. Finally, I bought her a tube of unscented lotion, slapped a bow on it and asked her if she would use that instead. Granted, I shouldn't have had to resort to spending my own money, but not passing out became more important.

Amy Joyce: That seems like a logical solution.

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Amy Joyce: Okay, all. Time for us all to get back to work on this incredibly short D.C. week. Thanks for tuning in. Don't forget to check out Life at Work the column in the Sunday Business section. You can e-mail me at lifeatwork@washpost.com. Thanks.

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