Haggis-Free Zone

Then it's back to the scallop salad with tarragon cream. "I only like to use the king or queen scallops," she says, showing us the biggest scallop I've ever seen, a good two inches across, that came from local waters. "But I'm aghast and appalled that one has trouble buying the scallops with their coral [the orange crescent of eggs along one side]. It's the best part! It gives a nice contrast of flavor."

She contemplates the scallop. "What do you suppose they do with all those corals?" she muses. "I'd like to know." She stares at us for a second as if we might magically provide the answer. We wouldn't dare!

Baked fillet of salmon en croute with lemon and shallot sauce is next. "This baking dish," declares Lady Macdonald, "revolutionized my life. It's non-stick." She eases the salmon, wrapped in puff pastry, gently into the pan as if tucking it in for a nap. She starts cutting out pastry fish, then frowns. "We've had a bit of a mishap here, Minty," she says. "With the pastry. Look at this pathetic little shoal of fish."

"Never mind," says Minty. "It's not your fault."

Lady Macdonald arranges them on the pastry-wrapped salmon. "There now," she gushes, spirits reviving. "They're all gaily swimming across the surface of the pastry."

Minty stares at the pan. "They look a bit static," she says.

Lady Macdonald looks at her, aghast. "What do you mean, 'static?' They're pastry, after all!"

Minty slips the dish into the oven. Lady Macdonald picks up her oven timer.

"There are pingers and there are pingers," she announces, waving the oven timer around. "This one has spirit. It knows when I leave the room. While I'm here it rings like a fire alarm. But, if I leave the room, it just goes" -- she lowers her voice -- "brrrrrrrrrrrr." She looks at it in disgust. "It's no good to me; I've burned too many dishes with it."

She plonks the offending timer emphatically down. "I won't throw it out, though," she says, winding up another timer. "I want it to sit here and know it's not being used."