Haggis-Free Zone

It's getting close to noon and we haven't moved from our seats for almost two hours. Plus, I'm hungry. All this food and not so much as a beater to lick.

"Did you know, Mint, that the Madagascar vanilla crop failed this year?" says Lady Macdonald with an incensed look, as if the crop failed just to make her life more difficult.

"No," says Minty, picking up dirty bowls and spoons and whisking them into the back room.

"Tragic!" extols Lady Macdonald. "Of course, we can still get it from India, but I don't think it's quite as good."

She spoons marinated cherries into a bowl and places it beside the rice pudding, which sits next to the potato salad with sugar snap peas, asparagus, bacon, thyme and lemon dressing; which, in turn, is beside the scallop salad; with the chicken and avocado terrine beside that. The pinger pings and Minty pulls the salmon from the oven.

"I might be able to use this recipe for Easter," says Lady Macdonald, peering at the golden crust.

"The fish have risen," Minty reports. "How appropriate for Easter," says Lady Macdonald. They laugh.

Minty puts the salmon next to the rest of the offerings and Lady Macdonald surveys it with satisfaction before locking onto us again. "Anything I cook," she declares, "can be made by anyone else. But everything you cook must have variety of color. Once Godfrey and I went to a very formal event. Catered. It was beige from the first course through to the pudding. A tragedy!"

Finally, she offers us each a plastic spoon and a paper napkin and orders us to dig in. I head straight for the rice pudding and it is divine -- lemony and creamy. Double creamy!

"When I read about something being good for us," Lady Macdonald laments, "it makes me want to eat a Mars bar. Maybe two." She sighs. "But one must keep it in mind, I suppose."

Kinloch Lodge offers weekend packages with cooking instruction. The next session is Oct. 8-10, including accommodations, meals and two demos. Cost starts at $717 per person. For room only, rates start at $156 per person and include dinner and breakfast. Info: 011-441-471- 833333, www.kinloch-lodge.co.uk. For info about the Isle of Skye: www.skye.co.uk.

Sarah Clayton last wrote for Travel about Novembers in England.