I'm certainly not going to settle this debate. But for those of you who plan on re-gifting this holiday season or for another occasion, you can learn a lot from re-gifting gone bad. There are as many awful re-gifting stories as there are soap gift baskets that get, well, re-gifted. Here's just a sample of some I received:
• "My husband's friend gave us a wedding gift with a card at the bottom of the box -- a card she had overlooked that made it obvious that it was a re-gift." The lesson here: Be sure to remove all evidence of a previous giver.
• "I received a recycled gift from a close friend. I was a little taken aback. My friend's birthday is coming up soon, and my gut feeling is not to make an effort to hunt for a meaningful gift for her like I would normally do." The lesson: If there is even a slight chance the person being re-gifted might be offended, don't do it.
• "A good friend was once sent a birthday re-gift from her sister: a dirty sweater with a lollipop stuck right on front." Lesson: Don't re-gift an item that is dusty, dirty or used.
• "I have a set of in-laws who are notorious for re-gifting. It's gotten to the point where I know I'm going to get back what I give them. My mother-in-law gave me a nightgown one year that I had given her almost six years prior." Lesson: Please take precautions not to give a gift back to the person who gave it to you.
• From the same reader came this: "When my husband graduated from VMI [Virginia Military Institute], he gave his father a 'father class ring,' something he paid a lot of money for and meant a lot to him. Last Christmas, much to our horror, my mother-in-law gave the ring to my husband's brother, right in front of us. She said that since the ring did not fit his dad, he didn't want it. My husband was so upset." Lesson: Examples like this give re-gifting a bad name. "It's never a good idea to re-gift a one-of-a-kind present, especially if it was made for you," says the Emily Post Institute.
I'll leave you with these comments from the reader with the terrible re-gifting in-laws: "I want to add that I do re-gift," she wrote. "I have a closet full of beautiful items. This is a wonderful way to have something to give someone for a last-minute present, housewarming, baby shower, anniversary, birthday, etc. Just be sure to be polite about it and show some common sense. Unfortunately, none of my in-laws possess these traits. Hmmm . . . wonder what I'll get this year. Maybe I'll give them money."
Now that's a gift I don't think many people would object to getting back.
Michelle Singletary discusses personal finance Tuesdays on NPR's "Day to Day" and online at www.npr.org. Readers can write to her at The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071 or by e-mail at singletarym@washpost.com. Comments and questions are welcome, but due to the volume of mail, personal responses may not be possible. Comments or questions may be used in a future column, with the writer's name, unless a specific request to do otherwise is indicated.
