MORE SLUGGISH than a funeral barge, cheaper than a sale at K mart,
it's a nerd, it's a shame, it's "Superman IV."
Christopher Reeve, in his fourth consecutive role, wrote the story
for this film -- an unabashed nuclear disarmament message. But by the
end of this movie (produced by the Golan-Globus conspiracy), nuclear
winter seems more appealing than the prospect of "Superman V."
Everyone's back, except producer Alexander Salkind. And you see what
a difference the guys at the top make. This "Superman" has all the
special effects of a junior high school pantomime -- you know, where
they twang Peter Pan around on wires. When a bad guy goes flying upward
through the floors of a building, you can see the cable he's tied to.
When Superman flies through outer space, he looks like a cardboard
cutout held up by a technician. Here comes Superman,
nyeoooooow-whoooosh.
In this sequel Superman's contemplative -- a sort of aerobics-class
Hamlet -- as he mulls the downfall of the Kansas farmer, nuclear war
and whether he'll ever land a role in which he doesn't have to wear
tights. Warfield, an unscrupulous publisher, takes over the Daily Planet
and turns Perry White's pride and joy into another tabloid. His daughter
Lacy (Mariel Hemingway), who quickly becomes publisher, develops a thing
for Clark Kent.
Lex Luthor (played with only fitful rigor this time by Gene Hackman),
escapes jail with the help of dumbo nephew Lenny (Jon Cryer) and plots
to kill Mr. Truth and Justice. The usual stuff between Lois Lane (Margot
Kidder) and Superman is going on. And a kid writes to Superman, asking
him to get rid of all the missiles.
Before you can say "Dr. Strangelove," Superman has talked to the
United Nations and is slinging missiles into a sort of crab net in outer
space, then flinging them into the sun.
But Lex has slipped a foetus genetically equivalent to Superman in
one of the rockets. So when the missile explodes, that little being
becomes Nuclear Man, a musclebound Viking in leotards who looks like a
bouncer for Twisted Sister.
The movie's climactic scenes apparently occur when the superbeings
battle above Manhattan, the Great Wall of China and the moon. After this
fight, you'll look fondly on Saturday morning wrestling. And after this
film, you'll look fondly at just about anything.
SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE (PG -- pathetic; gratuitous) --
At area theaters.
