Big Apple Bound: Is Getting There Half the Fun?

Bus Man, at that moment, was still somewhere in New Jersey. His 7 a.m. Peter Pan coach had been scheduled to arrive in New York at 11:20.

Oh, sure, Bus Man had muttered to himself on his way to the terminal on Capitol Hill. On several earlier bus trips, the estimated 4 1/2-hour journey had taken far longer due to traffic snarls or other snafus. One steamy August evening, mechanical failure had forced a Greyhound into a dismal shopping mall somewhere off the Jersey Turnpike. That trip lasted 6 1/2 nerve-racking hours. So I knew I was the tortoise pitted against three hares. Winning would take a freak of nature or a miracle.

Bus Man gave himself 25 minutes to get to the bus terminal via Metro and foot. He arrived at the terminal at 6:34, only to find 12 other people ahead of him in the ticket queue. He didn't reach the agent until 6:53. He galloped over to the bus, only to hear the driver bark, "We're full up. The rest of you will have to wait for the next bus out."

Boom -- a one-hour delay. So much for a miracle. But the 8 o'clock nonstop got going right on time. "We'll be arriving in New York at 12:20," the driver, a burly silver-haired matron, announced over the loudspeaker. "Or thereabouts."

When we pulled into Port Authority terminal, it was 11:50. Yes! A full half-hour ahead of schedule. Slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I made haste through the crowded terminal, upstairs and down the corridor to the A Train.

Bus Man arrived at 12:10 -- 5 hours 55 minutes after he left Washington. Even if he had gotten on the 7 a.m. bus, he still would have been more than an hour behind Car Man.

The Acela wins this one easily. Acela cars, unlike other trains, are bolted together for shudder-free starts and stops. New and spotless, the train has the clean, efficient look of those high-tech public toilets in cities like Copenhagen and Oslo. The dining car is as bright and roomy as a SoHo sushi bar. A TV is tuned for stock market jockeys, the right programming for a train full of laptops and cell phones. With sparse crowds, the express train has no line for coffee and muffins. There's always a roomy lavatory to be had. In fact, demand is so light on the express train that, on Monday, Amtrak will add a single stop -- and two minutes to the run -- to pick up more fares in Philadelphia.

The bus makes a surprisingly strong showing here. As Bus Man notes, low cost should not be confused with shabbiness. With two well-cushioned, comfortably reclining seats to himself, Bus Man takes in great views of Baltimore, Philadelphia and other scenic points. Thoroughly vacuumed and swept overnight, the bus is neat and tidy. Even the toilet is clean. And there are no screaming babies, loud teenagers, boomboxes or other noisemakers.

By comparison, the shuttle ride is an exercise in agita. Despite the ludicrous hour, Air Man faces a line at the check-in counter, where a guy in a dark pinstriped suit elbows him out of the way with his briefcase and cuts in front of our reporter.

Air Man: The New York to Washington shuttle is the crosstown bus of America's ruling elite, and these guys are cutthroat competitors, even before dawn. I boarded, squeezed into a middle seat and glanced around for famous people. No luck. Just a lot of dark suits, white shirts and male pattern baldness. Soon the flight attendants came by and tossed me a bag. There was a bagel in it. Well, sort of a bagel. A Presbyterian bagel, near kin to Wonder Bread.

In the car, you can eat whatever you can stuff into one hand. Except that Car Man was committed to a nonstop drive, which put a practical limit on the volume of refreshments that could be consumed.

The car has the advantage of privacy, meaning you can shriek at the passing world, hurl your trash on the floor, crank up the radio -- whatever makes the hours go by. The D.C.-N.Y.C. route passes through some decent radio territory, most notably the eclectic music of WXPN (88.5 FM in Philadelphia), the free-form stylings of WFMU (91.1 in northern New Jersey), jazz great WBGO (88.3 in Newark), hot talker New Jersey 101.5 along the turnpike, and the nation's original, still best all-news station, WINS (1010 AM in the Apple).

But sitting for four hours without a break is inevitably tiresome. Whatever the distractions, you're still stuck in the car.

• The air shuttle may be the world's least romantic mode of travel, but if you've got money and you're in a hurry, it works.

• The automobile is neither fast nor easy, but it's yours. It offers the illusion of affordability -- with E-ZPass, you need hardly ever reach into your pocket. But 24 hours in a New York garage is easily $50, and can top $100.

• Door to door, the bus trip cost all of $42.60, which can't be beat. The chance to read, chat and sleep are big pluses, too, but the time investment is considerable.

Final overall results: Train, plane, car, bus.