In Spain, the Holy Grail of Ham

Two days later, after landing in Philadelphia, we dutifully declared our purchases: sherry, Licor de Bellota, Carlos III brandy, a chorizo we'd picked up in the duty-free shop in Madrid, a couple of sausage samples from the Conservas Jabugo and, of course, our precious packages of bellota ham.

We wee directed to the USDA line, where a beefy agent grabbed our meat products and said, "You can't bring these in."

We were stunned. Paco Jara -- and everyone else we'd talked to in Spain -- had assured us we could bring jamón back. We cursed our naivete, and the import regulations.

"I bet those aren't going in the trash," Steve told the agent.

"Yes, they are," he replied. "I wouldn't eat this stuff."

Incredible. Our prizes had been confiscated by a food philistine.

Fortunately, there was one thing the USDA couldn't take from us: the ancient technology of pig leg, salt and air. A foodie obsessed by ham and mourning the loss of his beloved bellota doesn't resign himself to waiting for the next trip to Spain to eat jamón again. Which is why jamón -- homemade in Virginia -- now hangs in our basement.

Lisa Provence is a freelance writer in Charlottesville.

You know you're not supposed to bring fruit from overseas into the United States, but how about the fresh pâté or prosciutto you've been savoring on vacation?

Sorry. The U.S. Department of Agriculture doesn't care how expensive or gourmet your food product is -- if it's on the list of forbidden foods, you can kiss that kielbasa goodbye. Meats, fresh or dried, from most countries are strictly forbidden because of the fear of two major livestock diseases, hoof-and-mouth and mad cow.

So what's the No. 1 smuggled food product? Mangoes. "Mangoes are smuggled more than drugs," said USDA staff officer David Reeves, "and they come in from all over the world."

According to Reeves, who has worked for the USDA in various seaports and airports for the past 30 years, the USDA is typically on the lookout for the following foods brought from abroad: