Below the Beltway

Paul: Hmm.

So, although Paul and I agreed there were still some wrinkles to be ironed out, I nonetheless decided to become his first customer. Creating the message was an interesting challenge. Since you can't count on an answer, or even a return receipt, your message isn't the beginning of a dialogue, it's the whole ballgame. You need to go for maximum impact.

My first idea was to telegram Karl Marx: GOT ANY MORE GREAT IDEAS, MEATHEAD?

But then I realized something: The people in the afterlife probably are just as clueless about the goings-on here as we are about their world. For all Marx knows, the world is a worker's paradise by now. That's precisely why Paul's service is of value. It's a chance to deliver information the deceased couldn't otherwise get, and about which they would be curious.

And that opens all sorts of possibilities.

I considered various approaches. Here's the telegram I settled on and paid for, the very first message to be delivered by AfterlifeTelegrams.com:

TO ADOLF HITLER STOP HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU STOP I AM HONORED TO BRING YOU GREETINGS FROM THE CHANCELLOR OF GERMANY, HYMAN MANDELBAUM.

Gene Weingarten's e-mail address is weingarten@washpost.com.

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