Saturday, April 30, 2005

Dear Amy:

I just returned from the department store where I had gone to buy a gift for my fiance.

As I meandered through the men's department, I could see out of the corner of my eye that a man was watching me. He eventually sidled up to me and tried to make small talk, but I tried to convey by manner that I wasn't interested. He followed me to the cash register and pressed on for my attention.

At one point, the cashier asked me for my phone number. I gave it to her in as low a voice as was possible to be audible to her. She didn't quite catch it and asked me to repeat it. To my alarm, the man behind me then repeated it aloud. I was stunned and shocked. He made a joke about how he now had my number and was going to show up at my house!

I didn't find it funny, but was too numb to say anything.

For our safety, I implore all stores to drop the practice of asking for customers' phone numbers, especially to a woman out alone.

Think I Hear the Phone

This is a very creepy story. One thing I notice is how passive you were. You never told this guy outright to leave you alone, and you never involved a store security guard. When the cashier asked you for your phone number, you gave it, even though you were nervous enough to whisper.

I point this out because it's vital that women always follow their instincts about their personal safety. Trust your gut.

I never give out my phone number at a store. I understand that it is protocol in some stores for cashiers to ask for it, but that doesn't mean that I have to give it. When I say, "I'd rather not, thank you," I've never had a cashier blink an eye.

Thank you for sharing this story with readers. I hope it makes people think about what they are giving up when they give up their phone number.

Dear Amy:

I don't approve of same-sex relationships and am opposed to same-sex marriage. I don't wish to offend or hurt people involved in same-sex relationships and wonder what is the polite way to let them know that I do not condone their lifestyle?

Kind but Disapproving

I can't think of the last time I felt compelled to condone somebody else's lifestyle. Perhaps I live in a "don't ask, don't tell" bubble, but how often, really, are any of us forced to approve or disapprove of somebody else's sexuality and life choices?

I don't think there is a polite way to let someone know that you don't condone his or her lifestyle, because volunteering your disdain of anything so personal seems fairly rude, in my view. If you are asked to condone someone's lifestyle and you honestly say that you cannot, that isn't being rude, it is answering a question.

I think a good rule of thumb is, if you don't wish to offend people, then don't. That goes for straights, gays and everyone in between.

Write to Amy Dickinson ataskamy@tribune.comor Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

2005by the Chicago Tribune Distributed by Tribune Media Services Inc.