Take My Husband. Please!

But then Mary Tyler Moore is still talking, saying why she has come to Washington: "My husband and I love journalism and journalists. I think we each turn each other on." Hmm? "Not talking about sexual, just the two occupations."

She turns. A woman in a pink dress with braids standing in the corner says, "Hello, may I talk to you?"

Mary smiles. Looks her up and down. Smiles and spins around. Diss! A pretty diss in this crowd of somebodies and nobodies.

But then there is Cedric the Entertainer, who says coming to Washington is fun. He says, yes, certain people can stop a crowd -- they are celebrities. But what is a celebrity?

"You get to become a celebrity in different ways," Cedric instructs. "First you got to have a fan base."

But just then, he is shouted down by the entrance of Constantine Maroulis, he of "American Idol" fame. And you realize how many gradations there are between Somebody and Nobody. Someone who was just voted off "Idol" walks onto the red carpet and the chorus behind the velvet rope burst into cheers: "Constantine!"

And here comes Bill Maher, saying he has come to Washington because "This is where the laws are made and bills are passed and people's lives are affected. We don't really affect people's lives that much. Yes, sure there are big egos who think they do. But we in Hollywood, we are not dealing with life-shattering events."

What is important, Maher says, "is guarding the chemical plants and looking into cargo planes. This" -- the red carpet -- "is not important. In fact, everybody here from the government should get back to work!"

While the red carpet show is going on in the main lobby, others of greater importance are making lesser entrances. Near the elevator to the parking garage, a guard stands. Seconds later, in sweeps Condoleezza Rice. "Hello," she says to a nobody in a pink dress standing in the corner. Surrounded by bodyguards, Rice is in a black gown and you think she looks stunning. And just before the doors of the elevator close, you notice her hair is different.

Upstairs, somehow you end up walking behind Mary Tyler Moore. And it's like following Moses into the Red Sea, albeit one turned black with tuxedos: The crowd parts. Tuxedos glint. Eyes move up and down, from Mary's hair to her shoes and that glittering gown in between. Someone shoves, whispers, "If I get to meet her, I think I would just die ." Then Mary stops and the woman shakes her hand. She doesn't die.

Exit Mary Tyler Moore. The president takes the podium in the ballroom and begins to tell a joke about cows.

"Not that old joke!" cries a heckler at the head table. Who turns out to be the first lady. She gestures for her husband to take his seat. "I've been attending these dinners for years, just quietly sitting there," Mrs. Bush says. "Now I've got a few things to say."