Penance for the Bride Who Should Be Blushing
Jennifer Wilbanks, America's "runaway bride," is back safe in Duluth, Ga., having disappeared days before her huge wedding, prompting a nationwide search, and bothering the nice people of Albuquerque with her problems. Her fiance, John Mason, told Fox News yesterday that he still wubs her: "Just because we haven't walked down the aisle, just because we haven't stood in front of 500 people and said our 'I do's,' my commitment before God to her was the day I bought that ring and put it on her finger, and I'm not backing down from that," he said.
Duluth's mayor, meanwhile, still feels jilted. "I think when we all do wrong that we must be punished for that in some way," Shirley Lasseter told CNN.
We're with you, Shirley, and suggest the following punitive actions:
· Bridesmaid total reduced from 14 to nine.
· Tar-and-feather wedding dress by Viktor & Rolf.
· Veil replaced by a striped afghan throw.
· Deejay allowed to play only "The Chicken Dance" at reception.
· Honeymoon: Back to Albuquerque!
· Being told "At least I didn't hop a bus to Vegas" every time she disagrees with John.
· Ceremony officiated by CNN's Nancy Grace.
· Mandatory GPS hair scrunchie.
· No jogging for one year.
-- Hank Stuever and Style staff