Can Corey Clark Sing? Like a Canary. With an Agent.

On the other hand, "Idol" averages nearly 30 million viewers on Tuesdays, and all of them would hear the Elvis songs and decide to watch the CBS miniseries.

But wouldn't Fox smell a plot by CBS to drive younger viewers from "Idol" with songs by two men no one under 50 has ever heard of?

My head hurts.

T-boy picked "Poison Ivy," which has to be the worst old song ever written -- except maybe "Love Potion No. 9." Paula Abdul calls "Poison Ivy" one of her favorite Leiber-Stoller songs; everything she says takes on a different meaning thanks to ABC News' upcoming "explosive" show about her alleged affair with "Idol" Season 2 bootee Corey Clark.

Scott Savol chose "On Broadway" because, he explained while looking menacingly into the camera, judge Simon Cowell told him last week to pack his bags, but he's not leaving until he becomes a star on Broadway. (Scott has black boot polish in his hair, maybe in honor of Elvis. It is not a good look.) When he gets to the part in the song about "they say I won't last too long on Broadway," Scott plants himself in front of Simon and points menacingly at him. Paula says he has "moxie." Simon says he's had more escapes than Houdini. Scott winks menacingly at Simon.

Vonzell Solomon sings the heck out of "Treat Me Nice" and so it hardly sounds like an Elvis song. Judge Randy Jackson says it's a song he barely knows -- welcome to the club -- and yet she made him like it. Simon calls it "a bit of a mess."

Bo Bice picks "Stand by Me"; he looks naked without a microphone stand. The judges all love him.

Carrie Underwood does a homecoming queen version of "Trouble."

Then they do a second round, because so few contestants are left that one song each doesn't fill the hour. The second time they perform top songs from the week's Billboard charts, all of which sound like bad covers.