Mama Bin Laden

By Art Buchwald
Thursday, May 5, 2005

May 8 is Mother's Day. Whether you like it or not, everyone has a mother -- even Osama bin Laden.

I can just imagine Osama's mother calling him on Mother's Day.

She says, "You never call, you never write. You never send me flowers. What am I, couscous?"

"I'm sorry, Mom. I've been busy every day and night hiding out in the mountains. You know there's a $25 million reward on my head."

"So that's supposed to make you a big shot? I see you on al-Jazeera television all the time. My friends in Saudi Arabia keep asking me, 'How can he make videos in Afghanistan and never call his mother?' "

"Mom, Saddam Hussein never called his mother."

"But she lived in a palace with servants and bodyguards and a dozen other mothers. I don't like the way you look on television. Your beard isn't trimmed, your turban is dirty and your shoes need a shine. That isn't the Osama I raised."

"Mom, I have to keep moving so they don't find me. Could you make it short?"

"You are trying to get me off the phone. I made a brisket and red cabbage and your favorite apple pie. Why don't you come out of the mountains for dinner?"

"Mom, it sounds great. I'll let you know if I can get there."

"You don't eat right in Afghanistan. No wonder you look so thin. I wish I had a week to fatten you up."

"Mom, I'm sure the CIA is listening in on this call and they'll report back to Washington that I'm a mother's boy."

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