The Choice of Life

Parents confronted with the challenge of handling a troubled adolescent often see the problem as a reflection of our own parenting skills, or lack thereof. We worry that we will be judged harshly by the community if we own up to a "failing" kid. Some adults worry that a "mental illness" label will follow their children through school and prevent them from attaining their goals.

If your child were battling cancer, you would not sit by and wait for the disease to run its course. And if your teen is depressed, he or she is up against a life-threatening illness and you need to seek help. Immediately.

My experience with Will leads me to this: If you suspect your teen is depressed, doing nothing is a luxury you cannot afford. No one on the planet knows your child better than you do. Trust in that knowledge, trust your instincts and then fight like hell to get help for your child.

If there is a hurt more wrenching than watching your child suffer, I do not know it.

Ever After

The six weeks following Will's suicide attempt were fraught with frustration bordering on panic. We were aware that, statistically, an adolescent who has made a failed attempt is 10 times more likely to try again if the depression is not treated successfully.

I couldn't sleep through the night without getting up several times to make sure he was still breathing. We never let him out of our sight.

Eventually, with the help of an educational consultant, we found a therapeutic boarding school in Montana with a stellar reputation. Despite Will's reluctance, we enrolled him. There he was monitored 24/7 and received the therapeutic treatment he needed and at the same time graduated from high school (with honors).

After returning home from Montana, he began to contemplate his future. On a job application for a volunteer government program, Will was asked to write about a challenge he had faced in his life and how he managed to overcome it. He wrote:

"A year and a half ago, I suffered from severe clinical depression. I tried several medications, spent time in a psychiatric hospital, but still continued to sink lower and lower. Finally, I came to a point where I was torn between my sense of obligation to my family and friends and my complete disinterest in continuing to live my life. My depression got the better of me and I tried to commit suicide in March of 2001.

"Since then, I have made an almost full recovery -- I have found medications that work for me and I am feeling positive about where my life is going. It is a drastic change from how I felt before and it has taught me that absolutely no problem or negative situation is without a solution."

We -- and Will -- were lucky. Our son survived a suicide attempt and a crippling bout of depression. And although the specter of Will's illness is never wholly erased, for now we are back on level ground.

Moreover, I learned that depression does not need to kill its young victims.

Families, communities and the medical establishment need to step up to the challenge and intervene swiftly to make available accurate diagnoses and effective treatment, so that our children, whose lives too often hang in the balance between risk and reason, are not left alone to choose death over life. ·