This Just In From the Middle East

So does this mean no anchovies on the pizza? Not at all, Coburn communications director John Hart assured us. "This will not adversely affect the number of toppings available."

But it will affect Coburn's pocketbook. About 250 or so people usually attend these events. So, figuring four to a pizza, we're talking 62 large ones, which, even with a bulk discount, could be as high as $1,000, depending on toppings and soft drinks.

Significant savings could be had if food is served only after the slide show, which features color images of sexually transmitted diseases such as genital warts and gonorrhea. These are proven appetite suppressants.

"We didn't ask" the Ethics Committee "for an advisory opinion on the lunch," Hart said, "but we received one."

Well, Coburn invited the ethics folks to attend. This was just a creative way to RSVP.

Next time, don't ask.

Raising Curtains and Money

The country's in a frenzy over the newest "Star Wars" film. Members of Congress naturally are always in a frenzy for campaign contributions. And campaign veteran David Bowser has merged the two phenomena into a "Star Wars: Episode III" premier weekend fundraiser tonight in Alexandria for three House Republicans.

Other politicians have similar fundraisers planned in coming weeks, we hear, but this one has "drawn tremendous response," Bowser says, likely because it's happening while other "Star Wars" fans are still braving long lines, jostling one another or getting awful seats.

The concept is simple enough. Bowser, head of Keelen Communications, rented a 400-seat auditorium at Regal Potomac Yard Cinema 16 for around $4,000, threw in a 5 p.m. reception at the nearby Don Pablo's Restaurant and is charging $250 for two tickets to individuals. He says he's not going to use the "neck-cramper" seats.

Checks go to the campaigns of GOP Reps. Chris Chocola (Ind.), Rob Simmons (Conn.) or John M. Shimkus (Ill.). Hey, it beats stale finger food, cheap white wine and rubbing elbows for hours with boring pols.

No Bush Mumble-Jumbo

The White House calls to note that President Bush , speaking at new U.S. Trade Representative Rob Portman 's swearing-in on Tuesday, did not, despite what the White House transcript said, say "terrorists" instead of "tariffs." Bush got it right. White House transcribers, perhaps numbed by all the trade-speak, may have started worrying about terrorism.