DEAR ABBY

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Tuesday, June 7, 2005

Dear Abby:

My girlfriend of several years, "Tami," became my fiancee last fall. We plan to be married this summer. I am white; Tami is black. For the majority of our relatives, this is not a problem. A few close relatives, however, have made their disapproval of interracial marriage quite clear. I chalk it up to their generation and the world they grew up in. The civil rights movement never happened for them.

Tami and I have decided not to invite those who disapprove. I don't even want them to have the option. Sourpusses do not make good wedding guests, so why waste the invitation? With help from Tami's father, we're paying for the wedding, and we are in agreement. My mother, however, is worried about insulting people. I think it would be a good lesson for them to experience that there are consequences for racist attitudes.

I told Mom I'd run this one by you. Your thoughts, please?

Wedding Planner in N.Y.

I'm not sure whose relatives you're planning to exclude, yours or Tami's, since racism is a sad fact of life across the board in our society. However, I see no reason to issue an invitation to anyone you feel would cast a pall over the wedding. Someone who has already voiced disapproval would make a poor guest. May your marriage be a long and happy one.

Dear Abby:

I am a 13-year-old girl living through a nightmare. When I was 4, I got a disease that caused my hair to fall out. I wear a wig and live in constant fear that it will slip or fall off. It's making me miserable.

Some girls say I am "lucky" because I will never have to shave. I would give anything to shave. My mom doesn't understand what it's like. Although she tries, she just makes things worse. How can I cope with this when no one I know understands, or even cares about its effects on my life?


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