Knock, Knock

Tips for Hosts

· Drop hints boldly. When an old college friend called Louanne Wheeler of Falls Church, saying she'd be in the area and would like to "stop by" with her husband and 4-year-old son that Tuesday, Wheeler agreed, even though it would be a trial to be a good hostess, given a new baby, a 4-year-old, a two-bedroom house and a husband on a business trip.

Wheeler subtly hinted that she wasn't expecting a long visit.

"It's too bad you won't get to see Art," she said, "since he won't be home until Friday."

The hint was too subtle.

"That's no problem," chirped the friend. "We have the whole week!"

Having found her doormat, the friend soon called back to let Wheeler know that she was also bringing along her friend Cindy, and Cindy's 4-year-old son. The friend then spent the week sightseeing with Cindy, leaving the husband and kids with Wheeler.

Let this be a warning: If your subtle hints blow by unnoticed, try being less subtle. If broad hints don't work, ask yourself if you're really prepared to expend a lot of hosting energy on dunderheads. If for some reason the answer remains yes, then pull out all the stops and get frank.

There is nothing wrong with telling guests in advance how long their welcome will last. Baldwin suggests a nice way of putting it. "They say, 'We're coming through town, can we stay with you?' You may answer, 'Of course we'll be thrilled to see you, but . . . ' " and then present the reasoning for why you can only have them one night, or two, or whatever your limit may be.

If it's a bad time, or the self-invited guests are not people with whom you want to share your home, you must . . .

· Just say no. Once you've agreed to be a host, obligations kick in. Whether you like it or not, those obligations remain as obligatory for self-invited guests you don't really like as they are for dear friends whom you've been begging to visit.

Expect to make breakfast and dinner, and don't expect help with the dishes. A good guest will of course offer, says Baldrige, but it's certainly not proper to ask for help, and accepting it stops short of true hospitality.

The host isn't required to squire visitors around town but must make it as easy as possible for the guests themselves to get around. That could mean anything from lending your car to providing bus schedules.