I could be dead right now, I tell you. Murdered in my office. Probably bludgeoned but possibly impaled. How? Why? Because I had a visit from Heloise .
Yes, that Heloise, as in "Hints From. . . ." The silver-haired, Texas-bred homemaking maven happened to be in town a few weeks ago and she ended up in this very building , visiting Jura Koncius, a writer in the Home section.
Heloise wanted to see me.
You'll recall that, spurred on by my younger daughter (whose snorting, eye-rolling reaction to Heloise's more banal hints is common at our breakfast table), I invited readers to compose their own tongue-in-cheek Heloisiana.
Little did I know that Heloise would see my column and show up at my door, a bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne in one hand and three bamboo pole-mounted citronella candles in the other.
I thought of running, but she blocked the only exit. I looked for a weapon, but lacking Heloise's creativity ( she'd be able to fashion a shiv from a box of staples and a Post-It note, but not me) I simply smiled nervously while edging toward the phone.
That she did not brain me with the champagne and then perforate me with the candles can mean only one thing: Heloise is a good sport. (Of course, she can afford to be: a staff of five, syndicated in 500 newspapers, a household name. I'm not even a household name in my household.)
We chatted for a while, Heloise and I. I thanked her for her gifts. And then I got down to the business of picking my favorite entries. Here they are:
When preparing your correspondence for mailing, put a small "X" on the upper right hand corner of each envelope. This will remind you to attach the stamp on the envelope's exterior.
Carrick and Linda Herbert , Alexandria
Want a great way to keep baked-on food from building up on those hard-to-clean stove burners? Try using pots and pans!
Katy Couch , Baltimore
