We're Only Human

A healthy appetite is a sign of a healthy animal. For an increasing numbers of Americans, appetite disturbance takes the form of eating too much or too little. And how many people take time to eat lunch away from their desk, with another human being? Much less away from the office, at a restaurant or at home? My now 88-year-old father was busy during his middle years running a lumber business, but he always found time to go to the little deli nearby for lunch, and to play golf.

Another casualty of turbo-charged lifestyles is sex. There are surprising numbers of people, even in committed relationships, who report having sex infrequently. Lack of sexual desire is occurring at younger ages, sometimes in relationships that are otherwise sound, and it seems to be due to exhaustion. There is no cure except guarding time and energy. After all, sex is play. We all know how Jack became a dull boy!

Anxiety disorders, like depressive ones, are on the rise. (Interestingly, obsessive-compulsive disorder, considered by some psychiatrists to be heavily based in biology, is not increasing.) Noting the increase in the number of children being diagnosed with and treated for attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, there are experts who believe that regular bombardment by electronic stimuli and the new habit of multi-tasking is fragmenting the attention spans of some kids who may already be at risk.

When teenagers say, "You don't understand," as teenagers have always said, they may be literally as well as figuratively accurate today. Those of us who grew up before instant messaging, for example, don't know what it's like to chat with friends or break up with a boyfriend online. This generation is also more deracinated than the last, having to devise a new set of cultural and social rules to fit new circumstances.

I don't mean to underestimate the benefits of technology: We can stay in touch with relatives and friends who live at a distance. We can get work done more efficiently. Huge amounts of information are at our fingertips. But the angst and dysfunction I've described are real. I can recall one family in need of time and togetherness who decided to take a hike in Great Falls Park, only to have the dad spend most of the time on his BlackBerry. The teenage son muttered under his breath, "Some togetherness."

It is the simple moments that bring our blood pressure down and our spirits up. I remember one workday when I had a killer headache, and a close friend called unexpectedly. We talked, we laughed, and in 10 minutes my headache was gone.

Are we destined to be the driven in our modern world, or can we become the drivers? What we often forget is that we can make deliberate decisions to improve the quality of our lives. The early-20th-century English writer G.K. Chesterton was probably right when he said, "New roads, new ruts." But we have more freedom than we realize to choose which ruts to avoid, given the changes that have already come and will keep coming in our high-tech world.

Author's e-mail: daltonpa@aol.com

Patricia Dalton is a clinical psychologist who practices in Washington.