Being Patrick

Vest and SpongeBob look like the art on an Etch-a-Sketch, but I can tell from sudden squeals that Bob is on the move, out of the Green Room and in public view.

"SpongeBob!"

"Look, it's SpongeyBob!"

"Over here, Bob!"

"Where's Patrick?"

4:06 p.m. Fans are screaming for me! The only problem is that at the moment, I happen to be wedged into the doorway of the shack.

"Duck your head," says Vest. "Come on. This is ridiculous. Twist sideways." She and her assistant give me a shove, and I am loose and stumbling into a crowd of what must be children. "Patrick! Patrick! Can I hold your flipper?" I am grasped by larger shapes, who must be teenagers or parents.

I hear the raindrops plopping onto my hollow head. We get hustled toward the canopy and, surrounded by fans, I try to sway from side to side like SpongeBob. Dancing is impossible. Standing up and not looking desperate are my goals.

4:35 p.m. I feel like a Beatle. There are screams and bursting flashbulbs.

At the height of my fame, inside an enormous knot of kids, my pantaloons get pulled. Two of my Velcro straps are loose. I try to hike things up, but it's difficult with flippers.

I attempt the "help" sign I was taught -- a pantomime of snapping a pencil -- but there are too many bodies against me, crowded around. I am like an astronaut in space. My suit is leaking air. And the hour in here has changed: It's no longer sunset. It is tropical night.

4:50 p.m. I'm bending forward dizzily -- now I'm tipping, thanks to my giant head. I land temporarily on a padded knee.

There are little noises of surprise: Patrick never does this on TV!

SpongeBob is holding out his delicate hand, but I am going over, until I'm stopped by something firm but small.

It is a hug.

My head is being held by a little girl. She is hugging so hard I can't fall forward. I can't even move.

"Goodbye, Patrick," she says. "I love you."

I know the rules. I know I'm not allowed to talk. But I am Patrick the Starfish and it's clear what I must do.

I reach out one flipper, then another.

I hug back.

"Goodbye," I hear Patrick say. "I love you, too."

Details: Kings Dominion

Paramount's Kings Dominion is in Doswell, Va., about 20 miles north of Richmond and about a 1 1/2 -hour drive from Washington on Interstate 95. Two children's areas -- Nickelodeon Central and Kidzville -- are frequently visited by licensed, suited TV characters such as SpongeBob, Patrick, Scooby-Doo and Dora the Explorer.

The park is open daily from 10:30 a.m. to 10 p.m. through Aug. 28. Dates and hours of operation vary after that until it closes Oct. 30; during spring and fall, the park is a weekend destination. Single-day admission at the gate for ages 7 to 54 is $45.99; seniors 55 and up, $39.99; ages 3 to 6, $31.99; age 2 and under, free. There are significant discounts for online ordering. Parking is $8 per day.

BEING PATRICK: Applicants for theme park character jobs must be 16 or older. No experience is necessary, though some of the performers seem to be drama students in college or high schoolers interested in going that route. The park's human resources office is open Monday through Saturday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., and applicants can drop in for an on-the-spot interview -- no appointment required. For more information, call the park's Rising Star Job Hotline, 877- 753-5627, or check the "Jobs" section on the park's Web site (see below).

INFO: Paramount's Kings Dominion , 804-876-5000, http://www.kingsdominion.com/ .

-- Peter Mandel

Peter Mandel last wrote for Travel on experiencing a coup in Ecuador.