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The Matchmaker's Blind Spot

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Worst of all, you made it clear to supposed friends that the outstanding characteristic of one was his blindness, and of the other her sacrifices -- discounting that they were done for love of her husband rather than a love of sacrifice -- so it didn't matter whether they really had anything in common.

And you call them unappreciative?

Dear Miss Manners:

What is an appropriate gift for a woman who has acted as a surrogate mother of my child?

Emotional support. If you want to give her something tangible besides, Miss Manners recommends something glamorously unrelated to the child, such as jewelry. In other words, teddy bears are out.

Feeling incorrect? E-mail your etiquette questions to Miss Manners (who is distraught that she cannot reply personally) atMissManners@unitedmedia.comor mail to United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.

2005Judith Martin

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