Don't Meet Frugality With Hostility

Before I announce the winners of the 2005 Penny Pincher of the Year contest, I want to address one disturbing note I received from a reader.

He wrote: "Cheapskate is a 100 percent, no question negative term. I can no longer stand, for example, going out to dinner with certain co-workers who are downright cheap. When the bill comes, they start to add it up: 'I didn't have an appetizer, my entree was only. . . .' It's ugly to be a cheapskate."

I'll concede the word "cheap" is negative, so perhaps I should stop calling myself a cheapskate. However, it's not ugly to be frugal.

What's ugly is declaring "I hate cheap people" or becoming hostile because someone wants to pay only their fair share of a restaurant bill.

Why shouldn't you pay for what you ate? Didn't you come prepared to pay for your meal? Besides, most restaurants can divide the dinner bill with little fuss.

I get into this dispute on occasion with some family and friends, typically those who have ordered an appetizer, high-priced entree or an alcoholic drink. I find it interesting that these folks have no problem in insisting that I split the bill and thus subsidize their tab. Then they snidely call me cheap if I refuse.

To you bill splitters, you may think, What's the big deal, it's just $10 or whatever. But to a penny pincher, that money is better put to use for something they need or want -- not to pay for your liquor or Buffalo wings.

I'm frugal because I have three children I want to send to college. I'm frugal because I know what it's like to be hungry and I never want to feel those pains again. I've seen what a lack of savings in good times can do to a family in harder times.

Having said that, perhaps we penny pinchers do need to be less conspicuous about our cheapness -- oops, I mean frugality. At times we can be irritating.

I was reminded of this during a recent online discussion with Mary Hunt, author of "Everyday Cheapskate's Greatest Tips," this month's Color of Money Book Club selection.

"Always be a fragrance, never become an odor," Hunt said during the online chat. "If the things you do to save money embarrass [people], do them when they're not around. Stay gracious and you'll win them over eventually. Remember, you'll be the one with the money."

That's certainly a tip worth saving.