The Style Invitational

Week 622: Our Sunday Constitutional

For any offense whatever, m embers of Congress shall receive punishment on their large seats, delivered with a branch by a common criminal.

This week's contest, suggested by Peter Metrinko of Chantilly, was inspired by the new law, hustled through Congress by Founding Father Sen. Robert Byrd, that all 1.8 million federal employees, plus students at all schools receiving federal funds, must receive "educational and training materials" about the U.S. Constitution. Since so many Washingtonians will soon be perusing this foundation of our society for at least a whole minute, there ought to be at least a magnet in it for them: Write a new article or amendment to the Constitution, using only the words contained in the existing document (including amendments). Remember, this is a humor contest, so don't get all passionate and screedy on us. Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets, direct from Vietnam and donated by Loser Stephen Dudzik of Olney, a bottle of genuine Snake Wine (One Unit). This is an actual bottle of clear wine that contains not only an entire dead cobra placed inside in the striking pose but also a dead scorpion thrown in for extra medicinal value. "Usage: Rheumatism, Lumbago, Sweat of Limbs."

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or, if you really have to, by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 15. Put "Week 622" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Entries are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Sept. 4. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Chris Doyle of Forsyth, Mo.

Report from Week 618, in which we asked you to remedy -- in words set to a recognizable tune -- the lack of a memorable song the District can call its own. So, so many funny parodies. To stick somewhat to the subject of the city, as well as to winnow the number of worthies, the Empress tossed all submissions relating to a single national political news development (so sorry, Mr. Rove and Ms. Plame), though she used a number of songs about federal and congressional Washington in general. The best rhyme of the week came from Mike Murphy of Munhall, Pa., who rhymed "filibusterin' " with "Van Susteren." We'll spare you the rest of the song, however. In return, do take the opportunity to see the many more parodies on the Style Invitational page on washingtonpost.com.

Third runner-up:

To the middle of "Bohemian Rhapsody":

I see a vendor with a cutout of a man:

"Pres'den' Boosh! Pres'den' Boosh!

Would you like a nice photo?"

Tourists find delighting -- very, very frightening me.

"Take a photo, take a photo,

take a photo, take a photo" --