Moved Out of Range

Idon't sue everybody, but I like to know I can if I want to. This came to mind when I read that, just before it went on vacation, the Senate passed a bill that says I can't sue gun manufacturers or dealers if I'm the victim of a crime.

I called up Hammer, a lawyer with Hammer, Hammer, Hammer & Thumb, and asked him for guidance on a story.

"If a company sold a pacemaker that didn't work, could I sue them?"

"Of course. No one wants to walk around with a faulty heart."

I asked, "Asbestos, as in roof shingles and ceilings -- sue or not sue?"

"Sue. A jury will be on your side."

"You find a ball bearing in a can of chicken soup."

Hammer said, "It's been known to happen, and the soup company has to take the fall."

"Suppose a crooked executive of a communications company defrauds billions and billions and I lose my life savings. Can I sue him?"

"Of course you can, and we would take your case. Suing people is what lawyers are for. We have one class-action suit now against a chemical company that's running arsenic in the Hudson River. Launch a suit and they'll settle out of court for millions."

"What about this one? I'm in an automobile crash because the brakes on my car don't work. The automobile maker never told anyone they didn't work, but there are e-mails indicating the company was aware the brakes were faulty and could lead to death."

"You can sue them for every golden parachute that the designer of the brake will get after he's fired."