Tres Cheek: The Denim Mystique

The newbies often don't know one of the cardinal rules: If they're stretch jeans, buy them small. They'll feel tight at first but then they'll expand "half a size," Ilana says. If a woman isn't willing to buy her jeans this way, Ilana informs her she may have to wash and dry the jeans before each wearing. This is arduous, though not as time-consuming and expensive as dry-cleaning, which some other jeans require.

They start young at Ilana's store. Martha Ein often shops with her teenage daughters, who are permitted to spend no more than $200 per pair, though "sometimes they twist my arm."

"I don't have that many," says her 16-year-old, Lili, considering her denim collection. "Probably like 15."

A young woman comes in with her grandfather. In one fell swoop, he buys her five pairs of jeans and assorted other items for $2,451.86.

The more jeans you buy, of course, the more you need. Abundance is in itself beauty. So you have certain jeans in a Brooklyn wash, but do you have them in the New York Dark wash? If you accidentally bought the same pair of premium jeans twice, as one young teen did, who could fault your enthusiasm?

Ilana herself wears jeans so often she claims her pale leather car seat has taken on a blue cast. She buys premium denim for her 2-year-old son. She grew up in Gaithersburg and studied biology in college, planning to be a doctor like her dad, but instead followed her mother into retail. Now, like an ornithologist, she can read jeans in an instant from the subtlest of markings. She can tell that Teri Hatcher on "Desperate Housewives" likes to wear Hudson jeans, and that a recent "American Idol" contestant was wearing a pair of True Religions because of distinct rips in the leg.

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Ilana is 31 but lithe as a teen, perfect for the denim lines she carries. The jeans in her store don't come with a waist size bigger than 32, so if you're larger than a 10 or 12, you're out of luck. (Heftier women may suffer the indignity of being pointed to the store's small collection of men's jeans.)

B Scene is the destination for a 14-year-old who says, "Now I'm back to a 25," and a 24-year-old who boasts she's been the same size since 16. This is where you hear Ilana asking: "This is too big? This is the zero."

Still, premium denim customers seem to have problem bodies. They're too tall or they "fit into jeans weird." Some say that's why they have to buy expensive jeans.

"My problem is I have thick thighs and a tiny waist," says Heather Vaughn, 35, who has the body of a Maxim cover girl. She's trying a pair of jeans that look spackled on. "I feel like a sausage link," she says, and performs some deep squats in front of the mirror. She turns to her friend. "You don't think I look fat?"

"No, you don't look fat," the friend says.

"The darker the jeans, the thinner the look," Heather says, like a fashion Confucius, on her own path toward denim enlightenment.

Tomorrow: Distressing moments.