Undercover Friends

"I am new here, and after my second week, one of my new co-workers invited me out for drinks," wrote one woman who works in human resources and spoke on the condition of anonymity. "Turned out she's a disgruntled, recently (rightfully) disciplined employee searching for an ally, and she filled my head with poisonous half-truths about the company."

And so the woman who is new to the company is living by her personal rule: "Select any work friends very carefully. The one woman I hang out with now works in another department and seems to have her head screwed on carefully. I avoid people who might have an agenda or who want to be my best friend forever."

Most companies trust their employees to figure out what is good for them and the company, and what isn't. Take Denise Newman, for instance. At her previous firm, where she worked as a legal assistant, she became friends with the human resources manager. They lived in the same neighborhood and belonged to the same gym. The manager was concerned "about how other staff members and the firm administrator would interpret the friendship" because the manager didn't want it to look as if she had chosen a favorite.

So when the two went to classes together at the gym, they did not leave the office together. If they wanted to go to dinner, it would be in their neighborhood rather than near the office.

"It made her comfortable and allowed us to be friends," said Newman, who now works at a different law firm in the District.

Bridget Pople, who used to work for a District fundraising firm, was part of a staff of mostly twenty-somethings who socialized a lot outside of work. Being new to the city, and to the working world, the social group was more than just fun. It helped the workers navigate a new place and a new kind of life.

And her boss seemed okay with the intra-office friendships: "As far as I know, the head of the firm didn't care that we were all so social," said Pople, who has since moved on to a job in Atlanta. "I think she liked knowing that we enjoyed coming into the office every day."

I wonder how those Guardsmark workers feel about coming to work every day.

Join Amy Joyce from 11 a.m. to noon Tuesday athttp://washingtonpost.comto discuss your life at work. Lots of people talk about how they hate their jobs, but rather than figure out how to change things, they are ready to jump ship. I want to talk to those who reinvigorated themselves in their jobs while staying in the same positions. E-mail your responses tolifeatwork@washpost.com.