The Style Invitational
Week 625: Haven't Seen It
(Bob Staake For The Washington Post)
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Pulp Fiction: Something in that glass of juice set the novelist's mind ablaze . . .
This week's contest, suggested by rising Loser Andrew Hoenig of Rockville: Make up a new plot for an existing movie title -- just a line or two, not a whole screenplay. The description should be significantly different from the plot of the actual movie. Don't alter the title. Note: Even with this warning, the Empress knows she's going to get 347 entries saying "Gone With the Wind: The Beano Story." Only the exceptionally funny and clever and original are likely to get ink from what's sure to be an enormous pool of entries.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets the lavishly illustrated book "Change Your Underwear Twice a Week: Lessons From the Golden Age of Classroom Filmstrips."
Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or, if you really have to, by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Tuesday, Sept 6. Results will be published Sept. 25. Put "Week 625" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Entries are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Brendan Beary of Great Mills.
Report from Week 621, in which we asked you to take a sentence from any of eight days' Washington Posts and write a question it could answer. The eight-day window was to give everyone a chance to find a paper or access the Web site, but we should have figured that a very few of the Hopelessly Invitationalized would scrutinize every last sentence in The Post for eight straight days, and submit pages and pages of entries. Good thing these people are funny as well as lunatic (see below).
Third runner-up: A. Robinson applied it with a caulk gun, then forced it into the cracks and holes with a putty knife.
Q. Why was the Nats' manager suspended for compelling his players to wear sunscreen? (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
Second runner-up: Senate Democrats quickly criticized the president's move.
What happened when George Bush used a variation of the Albin Countergambit to defeat Garry Kasparov in just under 12 minutes? (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
First runner-up, winner of the storyboards for "Blair Witch 2": To some, the smell is an unpleasant mix of volatile organic compounds (including benzene and acetone), mostly given off as gas from the vinyl and other plastic materials, plus adhesive and sealers.
What's it like to be in an elevator with Cher? (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
And the winner of the Inker:
