A Clear-Cut Report
What I Did on My Summer Vacation
By George W. Bush
Day One: Cleared some brush.
Day Two: Cleared some brush.
Day Three: Cleared some brush.
Day Four: Cleared some more &*$#! brush.
Day Five: Refused to clear any more brush. McClellan said, what should I tell reporters you are doing, then? He said it had to sound manly and resolute, but also vacation-like. I told him I would get back to him on that.
Day Six: Cleared some brush.
Day Seven: Ran out of brush. Secret Service ordered some more.
Day Eight: A lady outside the compound gates says she wants to talk to me to find out why her son died in Iraq. I checked. He died because someone shot him. I was going to go out there and explain this, but Laura suddenly needed me in the kitchen.
Day Twelve: Hooray! I passed my physical. The doc said I am one of the healthiest presidents ever, even if I am a little accident-prone, such as nearly dying from eating a pretzel, and accidentally falling off a Segway, which they tell me is like accidentally falling off the deck of an aircraft carrier. I celebrated the good news by getting on my bike and running over a Secret Service agent.
Day Seventeen: That lady is still there. It turns out she wants to know why her son got sent to Iraq. I checked. He got sent to Iraq to stop Iraqis from rioting because we keep sending people to Iraq. I was going to explain this, but Laura needed some help with the Su Do Ku puzzle. I couldn't find any words in there to circle, though.