New Martha Comes In Like a Lamb . . .
Marcia Cross learns how to properly fold a T-shirt on "Martha."
(By Anders Krusberg -- Martha Stewart Living Television Via Ap)
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"I 'm unfettered.
" I am free!
"No ankle bracelets!"
Martha Stewart made her triumphant return to television yesterday morning, debuting her new syndicated series "Martha," from reality series impresario Mark Burnett.
But unlike her previous syndicated talk/home-ec show, this one stars a warmer Lamb-y Martha -- fresh and frisky after five months in jail and six months of home confinement for having lied to authorities about a stock sale.
A very different Martha from the old, pre-prison version, who inspired that perfect homemaker from Hell, Bree Van De Kamp (played by Marcia Cross), on ABC's hit series "Desperate Housewives."
Different from the Evil Martha, who, live on CBS's morning infotainment show, once destroyed an innocent head of cabbage with a large, lethal knife while hissing, "I want to focus on my salad!" -- just because that nice Jane Clayson had tried to ask her a couple of simple questions about her legal headache.
Evil Martha, for instance, would've had something to say about the clown suit jacket that executive producer Burnett wore yesterday in the opening bit of her new show, which airs locally at 10 a.m. on WJLA-Channel 7.
Come to think of it, Evil Martha wouldn't have let Burnett share the camera with her, no matter how well dressed, because there was room for only one swelled head on the old "Martha Stewart Living" show.
On the new "Martha," Burnett not only appeared in the opening bit, but Lamb-y Martha didn't even flinch at the jacket, graciously pretending not to notice. Instead, she told him Cross was going to be her very first guest on this very first show -- as if he didn't know already -- then he teased with a "Desperate Housewives" clip in which Bree opens her fur coat to reveal she's wearing nothing but a lacy red bra and thong, saying that was how he, Burnett, remembered Martha. Lamb-y Martha said something cute and looked coyly at the camera.
Cut to the show's slick title rollout featuring snaps of Martha Through the Ages.
Lamb-y Martha returns, only this time, she's Martyr Martha:
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