Bart, the guy mentioned above who lost his sex drive, had preexisting problems of the psychological type. It turned out that he equated fertility with masculinity; his loss of interest in sex after the snip job resulted from the notion that he'd been made "less male." But as Belker and others explain, a vasectomy has nothing to do with the process of getting an erection or the ability to ejaculate. It simply prevents sperm from entering the equation.
Big Louie, who drove home after his procedure, was not following orders. "We prefer someone else drive the patient home, simply because you have the rare guy who experiences some discomfort," Belker said.
The fellow with paint chips in his semen specimen: He was new at collecting such samples and, well, his aim was off, it hit the wall, but he didn't want to waste it, so. . . .
Welcome Back
And then someone turned the room back on.
"How was your brain surgery?" Sparks asked.
Eight, seven, six . . . hey wait, you mean it's over? How long was I out? Is this dried drool on my chin?
"You were out only about 25 minutes," Sparks said. "You don't remember an hour. . . . Isn't it great?"
Then I remembered why I was here and I pulled my sheet down to have a look.
And what the . . . ? Who put me in a thong? I didn't have a thong when I came in here. Who's responsible for this?
Actually, it was an athletic supporter, and there was a leak-proof bag of ice on top of it. I lifted everything up a bit and saw my privates had been packed in cotton, like a bottle of wine ready for shipping. There were two little black wads of sutures, one on top of each testicle. Those would dissolve in about a week -- the sutures, not the testicles -- and after a week or so with no exertion, I'd be good to go.
Before I even left the surgical center -- driven by my wife, mind you -- I felt a surprising sensation of well-being. I was doing it for her, and us, and for the children I want to devote all my energy to for the rest of my life.
My gosh, I actually felt . . . rejuvenated. ·
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