Questing for a Metro Restroom

"Those are the most secure bathrooms in the D.C. area. You have to go to the kiosk and get an attendant who leads you to the restroom. There's no other facility in Washington, D.C., where you have to do that. Not at National Airport, not at Union Station, not at the bus station."

Maybe we're just squeamish about the very words "subway restroom," which call to mind nearly indescribable horrors, a grotesque circle from Dante's inferno. Not so, said Stephen, who, remember, visited 15 of the 29 restrooms.

"They were well-stocked and very clean," he said. "They're basic restrooms, not like at the Ritz-Carlton. But it is a restroom. I don't care how basic a restroom is when I've got to use one."

Of course, I said, you didn't really have to go to the bathroom. You were just posing as a person who had to go to the bathroom.

"They didn't know that," said Stephen.

Beside, he blames Metro for an accident he had two years ago. After boarding a train at Huntington, Stephen realized he had to go. He got off at King Street, went downstairs and asked if he could use the restroom.

"The attendant rudely said no, even after I explained my desperate predicament," Stephen recounted in his letter to Dana Kauffman. "He said I'd have to use the hotel across the street."

Stephen didn't make it and had to go back home to change. "Needless to say," Stephen wrote, "I was very late getting to my office and was angry the whole day. None of this was necessary and when this kind of thing happens it creates some very hard feelings towards Metro."

On the very day that we talked, Stephen received a response from Richard White , Metro's general manager and chief executive. Stephen called the letter a "bureaucratic brushoff."

I'm not so sure. Dick White promised Metro would check all the kiosks for signs, reissue the standard operating procedure to station managers and investigate those incidents involving "less than courteous" staff.

That's what Metro said it would do. I have a feeling Stephen Snell -- aka the Restroom Ranger -- will hit the rails in a few weeks to check.

And by the way, Stephen had a great experience at Benning Road. When he asked the kiosk attendant if they had a restroom, she said, "Yes, we most certainly do." She was, said Stephen, "warm and friendly . . . as well as very professional."

Her name? Ms. Pleasant.

My e-mail:kellyj@washpost.com