Brand Xed

But if you've got the laser and the license, there's plenty of business. The American Society for Dermatologic Surgery reports that tattoo removal procedures increased by 27 percent from 2001 to 2003. Statistics for 2005 are not complete, but spokeswoman Laura Davis says the society expects another big increase.

Zapping tattoos can be quite profitable. Prices vary, depending on size and color (black and red inks are easier to remove; green and light blue require more treatments). Your average 2-by-2-inch tattoo of "Mom" in a red heart can be erased in six 10-minute sessions for $1,000 to $2,000.

That's roughly 10 times what the same tattoo costs to put on. Which is why tattoo removers tend to be richer than tattoo artists.

"My patients often comment on how much it costs to remove compared to how much it cost to put on," Van Antwerp says, getting that impish grin again. "I tell them that they've stumbled onto one of the truths of the universe: If you take the cost of obtaining a tattoo compared to the cost of removing it, it's almost exactly the same ratio as the cost of a marriage license compared to the cost of a divorce. So I tell them the take-home message is: Think real hard before you get a tattoo or get married."

Common Denominator

"They almost all use the same words," says David Green. He's a Bethesda dermatologist and he's talking about the patients who come in to get tattoos removed. "They say, It's the stupidest thing I ever did. This could be St. Patrick's Cathedral and I'm Father Green and they're confessing: Forgive me, Father, this is the stupidest thing I ever did."

Green, 52, is thumbing through photos of tattoos he has obliterated. Doctors who do tattoo removal keep albums of before-and-after pictures to impress prospective patients.

He pauses at a tattooed black panther climbing up a white arm, its claws digging into the shoulder, leaving tattooed drops of bright red blood.

"The woman who had this," Green says, "she's a kindergarten teacher."

He flips to another picture. It shows five crude black lines tattooed across a woman's neck.

"This is a tribal tattoo," he says. "A lot of Ethiopians and Somalis have tribal tattoos."

Three out of four of his clients are women, he says: "I don't know what that means, I don't know whether they have more remorse. Or maybe women are more likely to admit a mistake and get them removed."

Of course, he has plenty of male clients, too. He points to a picture of a hairy male ankle tattooed with the word "bitch."