A Special Reliable Source Parking Investigation!

D.C. defense attorney Bernie Grimm has a gig on Greta Van Susteren's Fox legal-affairs show. He has a perennial berth on Washingtonian's "top lawyers" list. And he has one sweet parking spot!

Our Superior Court spies repeatedly saw the navy blue Ford Explorer driven by the self-assured Ron Howard-lookalike parked in the no man's land where Indiana and D streets NW merge. Just steps from the courthouse, it beats paying $16 garage fees or jockeying for the scarce metered spots on the block. Hey, wouldn't you?

The deterrent for most of us: the NO STANDING OR PARKING ANYTIME sign. The space is in the middle of the street, after all. But ticket writers generally look the other way when police stow their cars there. And we couldn't help noticing that whenever we saw Grimm's car there (a dozen times since late August), on the dash was what looked to be a light-blue shirt with a patch saying "Metropolitan Police." We caught up with the legal eagle as he prepared to vacate this prime roost yesterday.

"It's convenient," he said wryly. He refused to play naive (our usual tactic) when asked if it was a legal spot. "I am telling you affirmatively it is an illegal spot," he said. The cops who park nearby "know I'm not a police officer."

And the curiously placed shirt? "I'm returning the shirt to my client, and I keep forgetting," he said. Not an attempt to avoid tickets? "I get tickets all the time," he asserted. "I was booted in this spot a month ago."

Less than two hours after we spoke, Grimm received a ticket -- $30 for parking in a no-parking-anytime spot in the 500 block of D -- which he promptly faxed to us. "As you can see, the space has limited value," he wrote.

The Boldfaced and the Beautiful

Big weekend for boldfaced names in Washington, so fans, get your autograph books and Sharpies ready. Crashers, press the tux:

· Bill Gates at Howard University today for the Student Leadership Institute.

· Steve Harvey, Russell Simmons, Erykah Badu, LL Cool J, Snoop Dogg, Wyclef and Ruben Studdard, in Saturday's Millions More Movement "We Are Family" concert at MCI Center.

· Ed Bradley, Ed Gordon, Michel Martin and Angela Bofill at the National Association of Black Journalists dinner Saturday at the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel.

· Cyndi Lauper, Linda Gray, Maureen McCormick, Miss Universe and Miss USA at the Best Buddies Ball in Eunice and Sargent Shriver's home in Potomac.

· Franco Nero, Connie Francis, Joe Mantegna, Danny Aiello, Dennis Farina and Joe Piscopo at Saturday's National Italian American Foundation gala at the Washington Hilton.

We tell you this because we care. We expect you to be on your best behavior, and call us immediately if anyone's blood alcohol level exceeds .01.

A Tale of Beauty and the Bulldog

So you want to write a children's book? Well, you can't!

Only famous people are allowed to write children's books these days, like Paul McCartney, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jerry Seinfeld, Lynne Cheney, Billy Crystal, Spike Lee or, of course, the Beatrix Potter of the new millennium, Madonna.

Singer Gloria Estefan was at the Kennedy Center last night to sign copies of her new book, "The Magically Mysterious Adventures of Noelle the Bulldog." The book is based on "the real-life escapades" of Noelle, Estefan's ugly but lovable 3-year-old English bulldog from Colombia. The message is (surprise!) that true beauty comes from within. Estefan has even written a song about the bulldog, with a CD of it included in the book.

Noelle couldn't make the trip, though. She can't fit under the airplane seat, and she refuses to fly cargo.