By Tony Kornheiser
Monday, October 17, 2005
Maybe today somebody can get a hand on Jared Allen. Because nobody touched him yesterday. Six tackles. Three sacks. Two forced fumbles. Two fumble recoveries. Jared Allen went through the Redskins' line like Tony Siragusa going through chicken in a pot -- leaving nothing but feathers and bones.
You can't win losing three fumbles, one of which was scooped up and run 80 yards for a touchdown. And you can't win committing pass interference on third and six with 3:15 to go and give Kansas City four more downs; the replay showed Ade Jimoh holding onto Marc Boerigter's jersey like Jeff Van Gundy holding onto Alonzo Mourning's shin bone.
And still, the Redskins were in it down to the last drop again, just like they were a week ago in Denver. Their offense gets a little better each game -- and Santana Moss seems to get a little faster each game. For those of us who believed the Redskins had traded down when they exchanged Laveranues Coles for Moss, this has been an awakening. Moss is faster than Fred Smoot ordering Al and Alma's Sex Boat Special for 40. (By the way, did you see that Fox pregame piece on the Vikings' sex boats? The guy said there was "a good boat and a bad boat." Which boat will Mike Tice be on when Zygi Wilf sends him up Lake Minnetonka without a paddle?)
Maybe Gregg Williams might get the vibe and try playing LaVar. This is 49 points against in two weeks without Arrington getting in. That No. 56 shirt is so clean, Siragusa could use it as a napkin. How long does LaVar have to sit there like Jerry Mahoney? (Jerry Mahoney! Wow, Grampa skews older again.)
So here are the Redskins, a workingman's 3-2 in the hardest division in football, heading home for the 49ers with their 1-4 record, their appetizing 32 points a game allowed and their wobbly rookie quarterback. That's gotta smell like dinner.